Bloodstains and Betrayal

Febuary 15th, 1850: Kozhva Russia

I ran. As soon as Arkadi told me. I couldn't trust myself around anyone, not anymore... I'm a monster.

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I drew in exaggerated breaths, not daring to slow down. I knew they'd be after me, that was a dead giveaway.

"Dammit..." I growled, stumbling over deep patches of snow. "Just... Keep... Going..."

I was extremely tired. I hadn't eaten in forever, and I've been running for a day straight. My mind ket dragging back to Nikolai, no matter how hard I tried to forget him. I can't believe it was only a month. It felt like so much longer...

Due to my absent mindedness, I ran into a tall figure, instantly falling to the ground.

"I'm s-sorry..." I stammered, taken aback by his expression that was glazed with hatred. His eyes reminded me of... Nikolai's, except lighter blue. But his hair was so blonde, it almost looked white.

"Don't worry about it." He sighed, facial expression lightening a little. He held out a hand, which I hesitantly took as he pulled me up. "I know you're trying to get away, but you really need to be more careful."

"What!?"

"I said you look like you're in a hurry, but you really should be more careful..." He said, looking concerned "Are you alright?"

"Yeah..." I sighed, exhaling with relief. I just heard him wrong... I'm just paranoid.

With a nod, I started running again. For about a solid hour and a half. The paranoia never left though. I knew they were after me. Vlad, Arkadi, and the possibility of Roman. I couldn't go back...

"I can't hurt them if I'm not with them." I decided, still running through the endless whiteness.

"But you can't protect then either."

I spun around at that, seeing the blonde from earlier. Before I could bolt, he took hold arm, grip insanely tight.

"What the hell!? Who are you!? Let go!" I shouted, twisting against his grasp. So I hadn't heard him wrong.

"You honestly don't remember?" He weakly said, eyes cast to the ground.

"No, I don-" I stopped dead in the middle of my sentence, realizing instantly who he was.

"Lukas?"

"Sister." He smiled, pulling me into a hug. It was Lukas. My brother. We weren't blood related, but we used to be such good friends I considered him to be one. He had gotten so much older...

"You're barely recognizeable..." I said slowly, poking a stand of his hair back.

"Well it's been 3 years..."

Guilt washed over me in that instant. Leo had forbade me from talking to him a long time ago, afraid that I liked him.

"So you're 17 now? You look so much older..." I said weakly, feeling horrible, from running and guilt.

"Yeah. You know I'm good friends with Arkadi? He was telling me about what happened. So I agreed to come look for you..." He explained, holding me tightly. "They need you Sis."

"I can't Lukas, I can't do it."

"Сестра, пожалуйста, они нуждаются в вас. Это была не твоя вина..." (Sister, please, they need you. It wasn't your fault...) He pleaded, soft blue eyes filled with hurt. "I could go with you. I could train you."

"You're an assassin too?"

He nodded slowly, unzipping a large leather pouch, to reveal a white cloak, with that same icy blue color as his eyes. He threw it back over his back, never looking away from me.

"It looks like Nikolai's..." I choked, shutting my eyes tight, attempting to hold back tears.

"Kid, don't cry. You're stronger than that. You've been to hell and back, several times. You can do this. Just come with me, okay?"

"I'm gonna get someone killed if I do Lukas. I know it. I could be you... Do you really want that? Do you?" I winced, looking down at my hands. "I'm a monster. A monster."

"No, don't say that... You're not... You're not..." He repeated, hugging me tighter. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that."

"Then what am I? WHAT AM I! NOTHING! THAT'S WHAT! NOTHING BROTHER! NOTHING!" I shouted, voice raw. I was being torn apart... I couldn't take this for long.

"Madie, stop it, please. You might not know it, but you mean alot to alot of people. You're so much more than nothing. You're a legend. You're a snowblind. Do you understand? You have so much you have to do. You can't give up Sis, you can't."

"What if I don't care? What if I just want it to end? Then what happens? I want to die Lukas. I want the hurt to stop. I can't do this." I shakily said. I had lost it. Completely and totally. I used to be able to take hurt, I used to be able to throw it aside and go on with my life. I buried my true feelings so deep I never realized I had any.

Lukas looked like he just got hit by a train. He now stared motionless at me, a terrified look strewn across his face.

"What did they do to you?" He whispered quietly, stepping back from me.

I knew what he meant by they. He really meant 'he'. Leo

I didn't say anything, I couldn't. I reached out for his hand, but he didn't move an inch. I let my hand fall back to my side, shaking my head.

"Lukas... I'm sorry. But I'm not the girl you used to know. Horrible, horrible things happened to me."

He still said nothing, and his eyes still pierced right into my heart. I wished I could bury my emotions again. I was a wreck. I had hid for so long. Why couldn't my heart just stop? Emotions... They hurt. Even something as stupid as love. It tore you up in the end. It was a fight you couldn't escape. An un-winnable fight.

Finally, Lukas moved, wrapping me in another hug. I heard his sobs, eventually joining in with the crying. His grip on me got tighter and tighter, as his crying got heavier and heavier.

"I should've been there for you..." He cried, not daring to let me go. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay Luka... I'll be fine." I lied, calling him by his nickname. I plastered a weak smile onto my face, trying to look as happy as possible.

He tried to stop crying, rocking me back and forth slowly. His eyes did brighten a bit when I called him Luka, a name I had made for him forever ago.

"You're not okay, I know that much..." He coughed, still shaking pretty violently. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sor-"

"Please... Don't say that Lukas. I'll be okay..." I lied, forcing myself to stop crying. "I'll be fine... It'll just take some time, okay?"

His eyes were clouded with self-hate. He looked down at me still, tears now silently dripping down his face. Flashing me a small smile, he hesitantly let go of me, slowly saying:

"Please, come back with me."

"I'm afraid Lukas... I don't think I can..."

"I'll be there to protect you. I'll always be there for you. I swear. Please, just come back..." He pleaded, brushing my hair back.

I nodded mutely, smiling up at him. I really did feel safe around him. Like everything was going to be okay. Maybe we could be more than just best friends...