Empty Empathy

00: Summary

"Hey," I felt someone lightly touch my shoulder, yet they felt so far away. Their touch was warm, but failed to reach the coldness I felt inside me. I continued to stare mindlessly at the words in front of me that belonged to a book whose title I quickly forgot. The soft touch became more violent as they shook me harder, "Michael! Hey..." I could hear the desperation in their voice, and I almost felt bad for worrying them. I turned my gaze and met their eyes, although I didn't feel like I was really looking at them. It was like I wasn't even real; like I was watching a story unfold, one that didn't belong to me. "Michael, what's wrong?" she asked. I wanted so badly to speak, to tell her everything that was wrong with me. But how could I tell her that I felt so lifeless? That I have done unspeakable things? Things that make me feel repulsive, unlovable, disgusting, but more than anything, these things make me feel alive. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, maybe even something to relieve her concern, but instead I shook my head sadly and smiled. I shut the nameless book and stood up, leaving her with six words that I'm sure only aggrandized her uneasiness, "How did I get this way?"