Dear Taylor

Entry 1

Dear Taylor,

I don't know what to do anymore. My life is falling apart. I guess I should start from the beginning.

It was a week after my fifteenth birthday. I've always had nose bleeds at the most random times, which is what I thought it was. All my teachers knew about it so I was able to leave whenever it happened. When I went to the nurse to see if she could help, nothing worked, so the nurse had to call for an ambulance. It came, my nose still bleeding terribly.

At the hospital, my parents came running in, my nose finally stopped bleeding. My mom came over and checked to make sure I was fine. My dad, just walked over to my doctor and they talked. I was able to hear bits of what they were saying, but not all of it. Basically, dad was yelling at the doctor for not telling him I was here. He found out through my mom.

My dad walked in, asking to talk to my mom, giving me a comforting smile. Mom squeezed my hand before leaving.

I look over at my younger brother, Jebidiah. He came over and I picked him up, placing him next to me.

"Sammie? Why are you here?" He asks. I love my brother so much. How much adorableness can be in a five year old?

"My nose was bleeding and the nurse couldn't get it to stop." I say.

"But it isn't bleeding now." Jeb says.

"The doctors fixed it bud." I tell him. Jeb nods and we talked some more. I'm surprised they let my brother out. He may be in kindergarten, but some of the teachers are strict. On kindergarteners. Jeb hugs me just as our parents came in.

"Mom, what is it? Why was my nose bleeding?" I asked.

"Sammie, sweetheart, you'll be going under some tests. The doctors have some idea of your diagnosis, but they aren't completely sure." Dad said. I looked at him worriedly.

"Daddy, what's going on?" I asked.

"Can you take Jeb home?" Dad asked mom.

"Dad, what's going on?" I repeated, nervousness in my voice.

"Doctors were thinking that you might have leukemia, which is why your nose would always bleed and why this time it took longer to stop. It would also explain why you've been bruising easily." Dad said. Before I could respond, he continued. "None of us are completely certain about it though, so don't start freaking out."

Freaking out? Seriously Dad? Just what a girl wants to hear. Don't freak out, but you might have cancer. Yeah, that is a totally don't freak out statement.

Doctors and nurses cane in, setting tests up. I looked at my dad, but he didn't catch my gaze. No, this can't be happening. I won't believe that I might, no. I refused to think thoughts like that.

"They're going to be taking your blood as well as a sample of your bone marrow. Your mom agreed to let them run the tests and we signed the papers." Dad said, explaining what was going on. As if that's supposed to help. And they signed the papers without talking to me? The one who got these tests? "Calm down Sam. You'll only freak yourself out more."

I noded, gulping. One of the nurses cleaned my arm before sticking the needle in slowly. As if that's supposed to stop the pain. I refused to look at the blood as it goes into a test tube. Dad rubbedp his thumb on my hand.

"You're doing great Sammie." He said. He looked over at me and gave me a comforting smile.

~

I woke up with my mom and younger brother in the room. Next to me, on the nightstand, was a tray of food. My mom was sleeping as well as my brother. He was curled up in one of the chairs while my mom had a magazine in her hands, that was slowly starting to slip. In the back of
my hand was a needle that connected an IV bag to my veins.

I looked around, taking in the details of where I was for the first time since I was conscious. It was hard since the lights were off. The curtain opened and I quickly shut my eyes, pretending to be sleeping.

"I know you were you Sammie." Dad said quietly. I opened my eyes, the lights were dim.

"Daddy, what was going on? What did the doctors say?" I asked.

"Slow down. You're fine. After Dr. Khan gives you a physical, you can go home tomorrow." Dad said.

I nod. "What about the results?"

"It'll take two to three days." Dad said quietly, not wanting to wake Jeb or mom up. More like Jeb since he was a light sleeper, he still is.

Two to three days. No, that was too much time to just sit around and wait for the results.

Jeb woke up and looked around. He smiled when he saw me awake.

"Mommy! Sammie's up." Jeb called loudly. Dad got up, putting his hand over his mouth and told him that it was early in the morning and that the people around me would like to sleep. Jeb nodded and climbed onto my bed.

"I brought you your phone, your schoolwork, a book, and food." Dad told me. "I have to go. I'll check in on you later."

I nodded. I get my phone and turn it on. No texts or calls from my friends or boyfriend. Maybe they didn't hear. I shrugged, not letting it bother me.

Jeb sat in my lap while I did part of my homework. I didn't do much since I would keep getting distracted by my thoughts.

Jeb did finally convince me not to work on it, which I don't even think I was doing. Dr. Khan came in and basically gave me a physical examination. He took notes, which scared me. Who wouldn't be scared? After all, one word changed my whole life.

The examination wasn't so bad I guess. No, it was bad. I hated it. Dad wasn't there to watch, which I didn't want. I wanted my dad there. He helped me through all of this. He should have been there, where was he? I understood that he had other patients, but I'm his daughter. I almost didn't do it, wanting my dad there to help me through that whole process.

I love my mom, I do, but my dad was a doctor. He understood the pain more, the worry and confusion. After all, my dad was a doctor.

~

Three days after my physical examination, mom got a call from the hospital. She pulled me from school for the rest of that week, wanting me to get my strength back.

She walked into the family room, her eyes brimming with tears. I knew when I looked up that she didn't have good news.

"I'm so sorry Sammie." She said. I sat there, numb. Mom brought me into a hug as tears subconsciously slid down my face. No, it can't. I wouldn't believe it. Those were the thoughts that went through my head.

I escaped my mom's grasp and went up to my room, grabbing my jacket and sneakers. After I shoved them on, I went outside and went to the lake. I didn't care if I wasn't supposed to be outside. I needed fresh air. I needed a clear mind.

I sat on one of the giant rocks that overlooked the lake. Tears fell and I allowed them to. My shoulders started to shake from all the crying and I felt my nose running.

I couldn't believe it. I, Samantha Reeves, had leukemia.