My eyes burned. My throat was sore. My nose was running. Mascara streaked down my face. My heart hurt. A lot. Tears spilled from my eyes and ran down my cheeks, falling to the ground.
It was dark outside, and the rain poured down violently. I had my hood pulled up over my head, but it didn't keep the rain from soaking through. Keeping my eyes lowered to the sidewalk, I continued to walk at a quick pace, eager to get away from it all... wanting it all to just go away.
I was shivering. With every sob, I could see the condensation from my breath fill the air. It was freezing cold, and I was soaked, But I didn't care. I had to get away from everything... away from him.
He never loved me. All of it- every word, every kiss, every promise... was all one big stupid lie. I should have seen it in his eyes to begin with. He was just too good to be true.
A car sped past me, spraying a puddle of mud over my head. I didn't even cringe. I just kept on walking. Nothing mattered anymore.
He was all I had. I loved him. He made me feel like I was everything to him. Like I had actually meant something. He gave me meaning. He gave me purpose. And now it was gone. I was nothing.
My fingertips became numb, and I was beginning to feel dizzy. The rain continued to drench me, making the cold November night unbearable. It was getting hard to walk. I staggered through the dark moonless night, my head aching, overwhelmed with feelings.
It had been at least a half hour since I left the party. Everyone was having such a great time... how could everything have gone so wrong?
Another car went by, lighting up the road and all of the raindrops on it. Little sparkles covered the ground, but disappeared as the headlights passed. Once again, I began to cry as I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, trying to keep warm.
I had only turned my back for five minutes... And he was with another girl. He was kissing her. Holding her. Loving her. He had thrown away everything. He never loved me. Nobody would ever love me. He made me feel worthless. And that's exactly what i am.
I was getting closer to my destination... at least I thought I was. It was too dark, and many of the streets looked the same. I couldn't wait to get it over with. I wanted all the pain to go away. There
was only one thing that would fix everything, and every step I took brought me closer and closer to it.
The rain rushed down even harder. The sky was a waterfall, drowning me under it's current. My vision was getting blurry. My head ached, the pain hammering inside of my skull. My heart felt as though it had been shredded into millions of pieces. My whole body was numb. I couldn't feel my feet as I walked. It made it seem like I was floating above the earth, feeling absolutely nothing.
I still didn't care. It didn't matter. Nothing did.
I neared the all too familiar street I had been looking for. Only a few houses lined the road, no lights on inside of any of them. Everyone was asleep. I could hear a dog barking, but other than that, the area was completely silent.
I hesitated, then sat down on the cold metal tracks at the end of the road. I buried my face into my knees, wrapping my arms around my body. My cries were muffled by the thunderous rain. The pain had completely taken over me. I hugged myself tightly, allowing the world around me to fade away.
After what had seemed like hours, I finally felt the ground begin to shake. I tried to peer across the tracks in the darkness. A loud whistle echoed in the distance, even louder than the rain.
Everything was going to be ok.
I continued to hug myself, waiting as the train got closer and closer. I lifted my head to the sky, the rain hitting my face like little needle points.
Stars scattered the blackness of the night, millions upon millions of them dotting the atmosphere. The sight was comforting. I had always secretly wished to be one of them... looking down upon the earth without any problems or worries. Without any hurt or pain. Just to be up there, lighting up the night for others who are down here in the dark.
The tracks shook harder, and I could see a light in the distance. Another whistle sounded. It was close. My heart beat rapidly. My thoughts spun. My whole body was tingling, feeling frozen from the cold and the rain. I was absolutely numb. But at the same time everything was hurting so much. The pain was killing me. Literally. And once again, it didn't matter.
I was worthless.
The whistle filled the air again. It was so close. Maybe be a minute away. It was speeding fast along the metal track.
The ground shook. The track rattled. The rain poured. But I had stopped crying, and continued to gaze up at the beautiful night sky. It was just so peaceful. So calm. So comforting...
I closed my burning eyes tightly, ignoring the pain that swelled within me. Any second now. It was a frightening thought, and I had begun to think twice about what I was doing.
Was it really worth it? Could I really fix everything by doing this? Tears trickled down my cheek, mingling with the raindrops and mud that also covered my face.
He didn't even love me. I had loved him with all my heart, and this is what he gave me in the end. Nothing.
Because I am nothing. I am worthless. Nobody loves me-
I paused. The more I repeated the thought, the weirder it sounded. I thought about my friends, my family... they all loved me, didn't they? I felt like I had snapped out of a trance. I began to panic.
What am I doing?? Why would I do something like this, all because of him??
Blinking, I realized that i was almost out of time. I had to think fast.
I'm not worthless. I'm not nothing. Could things get better? Would everything turn out alright if I just go home? Im making a huge mistake. I have to get home. I have to give it a second chance. I have to-
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