Young Blood

"Sweetie, are you alright in there?" Her mom knocked on the door and asked.

She stared at the drops of blood around her. "Yeah, I'm fine mom..." But really, she was not. She felt like dying.

Ivis was as good as dead. To her at least. Her family was ruined. Her real dad, gone. Her step dad, mean. Ivis felt like she was all alone in life. Sure, she had her family, but only her mom loved her. Her step dad didn't. It was as if she was drowning and struggling to stay alive while everyone else was breathing and floating happily above her. No one could or wanted to help her.

Over time her hatred towards humanity just kept increasing. She couldn't help but assume all humans were like her step dad. They all hated her. Now it was like a pot of soup boiling over. She was exploding inside. She cried everyday, waiting for the day when the last thread holding the rope together broke. She was eagerly waiting for the day when all this torture would end, and she would no longer be able to feel anything at all, and be in a constant sleep that never ever ended. That was her goal in life. To die.

As much as she wanted to, Ivis couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't care less about her step dad, but what about her mom? Her mom married her step dad. She would feel bad if her daughter was crying everyday over him and would leave him even if she didn't want to, for Ivis' sake. Her mom would be unhappy. She wanted to die, but more importantly, she didn't want her mom to cry over her. She had no idea how to tell her mom all this so she would be prepared when the day came. What would she say? "Hey mom, by the way, I want to die so just get ready and don't cry when I do, okay?" or "Mom I love you but I am more than willing to die right now so don't stop me or I will haunt you in your sleep"? She couldn't say either. Rob (her step dad) would have caught her and chained her up, threw her into a cage and driven her straight to the mental asylum or the psychologist (if she was lucky) Now we wouldn't want that, now would we? So what was she to say?

Precisely why she was dying inside. She couldn't express all these emotions and thoughts into words that wouldn't get her judged and seen as a maniac. She expressed herself through crying. Silent tears. She did not want her mom to worry, so she was going to have to do this herself. Silently. She couldn't let her mom hear her crying. And she definitely could not let her see the blood.

All these thoughts overwhelmed and took over her mind. She distracted herself from all these emotions and mental pain through physical pain. Her favourite was the razor. Silent, easy to access and clean, convenient. And painful.

She sat on the toilet cover. She picked up the razor from the cupboard and brought it to her wrist. It was cold and sharp. Like humanity. Unwilling to help and quick to judge. Cold and mean like Rob. He was like the razor.

She pressed the blades down against her skin and braced herself. When she was ready she pulled to the right with a deft and quick pull. The sharp blades cut into her already scarred skin. Ivis could only feel the sting from the cut, her thoughts being temporarily blocked out. She looked down at her wrist. Blood was oozing out of her veins. She cried (silently) as she let the blood drip down her wrist, down her forearm, down her elbow and onto the floor. Was this ever going to end?

After a long while, she got up and washed the blood off her arm and the floor. Mom cannot see this. She will be sad. Rob will be furious. And he will scold me.

She exited the bathroom, her eyes red and dry. She went to her room and slept. She hoped she would never wake up.

Unfortunately she did wake up. She woke up around noon the next day and looked at the damage she had done yesterday. Only there was something on it. It was a bandaid.

Shit shit shit shit shit... She thought. Her mom had seen the cut. She peeled off the bandaid. Her wound had been treated. Her mom had treated it.

"Darling, you're up. I need to talk to you Ivis... About your umm hand..." Ivis' mom said, standing at her door.

"Okay..." She said fearfully as her mom made her way towards her bed and sat down.

Fuck... She was going to be exposed. All the emotions that she had kept safe to herself for the past few months was going to have to be let out today. What was she going to do? Her mom was going to cry, and worry, and Rob would come in and hit and scold her... Tears rolled down her cheeks. How was she going to live after her mom found out she had been cutting herself and crying?

"Honey, why are you crying? I haven't even said anyt-- Wait, where are you going Ivis? Come back!"

Ivis fled. She couldn't bear to face the consequences. She didn't want to be labelled as insane, nuts, crazy, anything like that. Which was exactly what Rob would have called her behind her mom's back. They were going to do find out she was depressed, her mom would find out why, leave Rob, and stay with Ivis. But Rob would find out why, get angry and scold and hit her when he wasn't pretending to be nice around her mom and blame her for her mom leaving him. She cringed. That was not happening. Never. She couldn't let it. So she fled.

She ran and ran as fast as she could, past the rooms, down the steps, out of the house and towards the road. Ooh she was in luck. A car was coming round the corner. Fast.

She stepped in front of the car. Time seemed to stand still as she turned and saw Rob and her mom screaming and yelling and reaching for her. This was it. She managed a small smile before time unpaused again.

Bang! Ivis was thrown off her feet, catapulting 5 feet into the air before falling down hard on the ground. She couldn't feel any pain, but barely saw her bloody legs' grotesque angle as her eyes shut slowly. Her heart was slowing down to a stop. Yes, the time had come. Ivis was weak, bloody and injured. Ivis was dying.

She closed her eyes for the last time as she saw a blinding sheet of white. She had succeeded. She was free now. Her troubles were over. The cutting and crying days were over. The scoldings and whippings were over. Her sad, pathetic life was over. Ivis was dead.