I Can't Take It Anymore

Am I Your Charity Case?

After my little, erm, 'encounter' with Maria, I've gotten more stares in the hallway and more people acknowledging my existence in general.

There's this one kid, I believe his name is James, from what I remember from Ms. Grey's class that one day two weeks back, who's always staring at me. Whether his with a group of people or not, if he sees me, he stares. I can't say he doesn't seem very familiar, though. I've met him before, I just don't know how. His name doesn't seem to ring a bell to me. And I'm not gonna lie, his staring is starting to get creepy and make me uncomfortable. And I don't know why he's staring, is it because I can take down my best friend when she tries to be nice to me, or because I disappeared for a week?

Maria hasn't really stopped trying to talk to me, even after all the shit I dropped about her. I'm starting to think that she doesn't want to be my friend and I'm just a charity case to her.

"Hey, Ryan," speak of the devil, her she is now!

"What, Maria, what do you want?!"

Taken aback from my reply, Maria hesitated before asking, "um, I was just wondering if you, maybe, uh, wanted to hang out, after school?"

I took a deep breath. "Look, Maria, I'd love to hang out with you, really. But I need you to tell me if you're asking because YOU want to, or if you're asking because someone put you up to this, because, frankly, the second option wouldn't help your case very much."

"What," Maria asked, "What do you mean, Ryan?"

"What I mean, Maria, is am I your charity case or do you really want to hang out?"

After a second of silence, the bell rang, signaling lunch. Maria took my hand in her hand and pulled me outside, where we proceeded to walk to a coffee shop just down the road.

"Maria, slow down, will you?" I panted, trying to keep up with her fast pace.

"Sorry," she mumbled, slowing down just enough for me to keep up with her without losing my breath.

By the time we got to the coffee shop, I was out of breath and my palm was sweating in hers. We sat down at a small table in the corner, and Maria ordered chocolate milkshakes, remembering that I don't actually drink coffee.

Once our order was placed, Maria looked over at me and sighed. "Ryan, I know after I finish explaining everything you'll probably think I'm a horrible person, but, please, just...hear me out, ok?" I nodded, but looked down, playing with a loose string on my shorts. "Ok, so, I know, in 9th grade, I left you. And I made it worse by putting you down first. The thing is those girls that you called 'skanks'? Yeah, they liked both of us, not just me. I just, I got selfish, I guess, and wanted a group of friends that didn't include you for once. I didn't mean to completely shut you out, but I got so mad, at myself, that I couldn't just tell you I didn't want you to hang out with those girls with me, and I snapped. I told them that you just didn't want to hang out with anyone new, and they respected that, and they thought I told you that you could hang out with us all at any time, but I didn't.

Eventually, they found out what I actually did. They wouldn't speak to me anymore,Ryan, and I understood what you felt like, and I'm still so sorry. I had no one in the beginning of this year, and once I heard what happened with you and Damion a couple weeks ago- oh, where has he been, anyway?- um, I felt horrible knowing you didn't have anyone to comfort you. I told myself that, before the end of this year, I would apologize to you and try and make things better. You left for a week all of a sudden, and I got so scared that you might've, uh, killed yourself or done something serious like that, and I tried calling you, but no one picked up. When you came back in, I got so happy and I couldn't help but hug you. And I'm sorry about everything I said then, because I'm an idiot," Maria was on the verge of tears, and only stopped when out drinks came.

I watched her take a sip before she continued. "I just, really, really, REALLY, want to make things right with you, which is why I wanted to hang out later. But right now works, too," she laughed.

I didn't know how to feel about everything. My brain couldn't process all of this at once. Before I knew it, I had gotten up and walked over to Maria, hugging her. The alarm on my phone went off, signaling lunch was over in five minutes and we needed to get back. I grabbed my drink and called out to Maria, "Race you there!" and we both took off like a couple of freaks, running out of a coffee shop.

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oh my gosh it's been a while ok hi um I'm trying to make this better. I made this update long and now you know what went down with Maria. sooo yeahh. If this gets 5 votes ill update soon otherwise I'll update just when I get time.

-Caitlin 🎈