Was it a mistake?

Tears

My name is Marie and I am a high school senior. I've been my boyfriend for over a year. But the story of us is darker than it seems, filled with suicidal contemplations and neglect. His name is Joseph and I love him. 

It is now February, we've been dating long and strong. But, I don't know what it is, I just feel like we should break up. It's not him and he never cheated or abused me, my problem is all I thrive for is his happiness. The smile on his face is all I need to feel the warm feeling in my heart. I feel like he deserves better than me. He's just a ray of perfection hidden amongst depression and mystery that everyone sees in him. I just couldn't take it no more, I wanted to set him free, he's just so hard to make happy when he's depressed and I felt I failed a girlfriend. I dumped him, it's as straight as that.
A few days passed and he seemed absent from school. The first day I thought it was nothing, but later a whole week passed with not a single peep from him. I grew worried and got curious about what was wrong. I went to his house and one of his older sisters was out front, with a depressed look on her face. I asked her what happened to Joseph. What she said, made my heart start pounding hard as my eyes watered.

"He died," she said as her voice started cracking, "He commit suicide." I was lost in words and tried very hard not to cry out in the pain my heart was producing. She showed me a piece of paper and handed it to me. "This is for you," she says. "I think he wrote this before he died." I opened up the paper and what was written was this.

Marie,
I love you. I never wanted to let you go but you let me go instead. I can't live without you. You were the only person who ever truly cared about me. I can't seem to live in this kind of reality so it seems this is my last resort. Farewell, my love.

-Joseph

I started crying so hard, I cried for hours and my eyes were feeling sore. However, at this point in my life, I knew I had not a single choice but to cope with this and move on. Did I feel like I should commit suicide myself? Yes, I did but I didn't have the courage to ever do it so I was left with no choice. I felt like I wasn't done with living my life, so I feel I should keep going.

Oddly enough, after that day, I felt I was being watched all the time, even when I'm alone. I didn't think anything of it, though, I moved on because I thought it was just my depression fucking with me. Sooner or later I became accustomed to the feeling as if it was nothing.