This is the story of a girl's downfall into depression.
It all started in middle school when Lynx met Lauren. It was a fine day, actually it was quite boring and Lynx had little to no interest in the things being taught. But school was always this way so she did not complain like the younger kids.
The day Lynx met Lauren was both the best and the worst day of her life. She never could have known what was to come from this meeting, and if she could of warned herself she would have stayed home from school.
They had met under the best possible circumstances. Nothing had been spilled on another and nothing had been awkward. They met simply through a friend who decided that inviting the other one to the usual table was a blessed idea.
It started as a mild liking, but soon developed into a need for attention. A constant wanting that burned Lynx from the inside. It hurt.
Every time their hands would brush in the hall Lynx got chills. Every time Lauren leaned into her she felt as if she would explode from happiness. Every time she slept she dreamed up scenes where they would hold hands. Sometimes she forgot they were only acquaintances. It fried her nerves.
The thing that hurt the most could be summed up in one sentence. Lauren would never see her that way for as long as they lived.
And as Lynx sits in her bed and thinks about things that could have been she knows in her heart this can never be. For Lauren may be pretty, nice, funny and the perfect one for her but Lynx wasn't blessed with a good home. Her father would throw her out, and her mother wouldn't be supportive. She wouldn't be able to handle it.
Another reason was she simply wasn't good enough for Lauren and she knew it. Sometimes it became more apparent than anything else ever had been.
And perhaps the most heartbreaking reason of all is that Lauren could never feel that way for her. She couldn't take it and it tore her apart. Knowing that one day Lauren would wake up next to someone else and be happy.
Sh wanted Lauren to be happy, but she wished Lauren could be happy with her. Lynx wasn't good enough however, and that was the end of the discussion.
Lauren goes for pretty girls. Girls who don't have problems and who aren't born from bad families. It hurts Lynx and sometimes she wishes she was a perfect girl. All the time she wishes she was a perfect girl.
If you have ever been in love with someone who could care less about you you know how Lynx feels. It feels horrible. You know they won't ever care but you pretend that they will someday. You see Lynx let this occur in her brain more than she should of. As a result she didn't exactly survive middle school.
