Dan Howell was straight.
At least that's what he has been telling himself for the past forty-eight hours. Dan had been scrolling through all of Phil Lester's social media for about five hours because that's just how friendship works. Dan and Phil were just friends.
Friends make out with eachother right? Well, I mean not just make out, other things too. Come on, Dan and Phil aren't The Killers, It wasn't "Only a kiss." Obviously. Friends fuck right? Otherwise Dan would have to wrongfully admit to doing something a little more than friendly to Phil and we all know there is never any sexual tension between them. Not at all. They are both straighter than a ruler.
The "kiss" was just a friend kiss, a really good friend kiss. I mean, what else would it be? Of course Phil's naked body was sprawled out limply next to him when he woke up yesterday morning.
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Previous day:
Dan woke up, a pain in his back and a strange pain in his ass, but overall Dan felt good. Feeling "good" was not a feeling Dan was used to especially in the gray London mornings.
Dan came to the realization that his body was completely devoid of clothing. He probably just had one of those dreams where he got his clothes ripped off by a llama with a voice similar to his first grade teacher so he ripped his own clothes off in real life. That meant his clothes were probably somewhere on his bed. Perhaps under the obvious lump under his blanket.
He lifted the blanket up off the bed and he was hit with the realization that no, those were not clothes, it was Phil Lester, a naked Phil Lester, under his blanket. Completely naked.
And dear god, he was waking up.
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Phil pryed his bright blue eyes open and blinked at the ceiling above him. He was confused by the lack of squareflakes, this was not his room. In fact he knew it wasn't his room because there was a random, "Every Squareflake's different just like you" painted upon the ceiling in rainbow paint.
The embarrassment that came with waking up naked in your best friend's bedroom was inevitable but Phil concluded that he should just embrace the fact that he got drunk with his best friend and then fucked him because that's all Phil knows how to do as a coping mechanism.
Phil sat up and shifted to his side, just to find Dan sitting there, blushing about as red as the blood of his enemies. Dear god, Dan was blushing. It was so cute, so lively, the only happy thing Phil had seen Dan do in a really long time.
Well, Phil had seen Dan do other happy things last night but Phil was far too drunk to remember clearly. ;)
All Phil could remember was a noise complaint and an officer arriving at his apartment and Dan showing up at the door completely naked and holding a hamster for some reason. What exactly happened to that hamster? The world may never know.
But anyway Dan told the officer to officer to go fuck himself, then made some weird comment about the officer's burnt skin or whatever. Phil didn't remember.
It was kind of hypocritical of their neighbor, Ryan Ross or something, to file a noise complaint about them, especially since there is constant moaning and a noise that is kind of similar to milk falling into a bathtub omitting from the bathroom of his apartment all day everyday.
-
Dan and Phil weren't dating, they were so straight that lines were afraid of them, because of how straight they are. I mean, they didn't want to go to hell did they?
And then in that spiral of irrelevant thought by Dan Howell he remembered something he said when he was ten and just killed four hundred twenty people on Grand Theft Auto and he had went to school and was bragging about it.
Some red headed kid with striking blue eyes told him, "you're going to hell!" And that is how Dan had met Phil. It was the fact that ten year old Dan Howell was bragging about murder that Phil had said that to him, but it still hurt nonetheless.
Dan remembered that day he walked into his house, he approached his mom and said: "Mama, we all go to hell." A single tear dripping from the aspiring ten year old emo's eye.
Dan's mom was startled and she kneeled down beside him, and opened her mouth, "Oh Dan-" Dan's mom got cut of by him saying "There's shit that I've done with the smoke of the gun, mom." And at the time Dan was just unintentionally quoting My Chemical Romance lyrics.
So Dan was grounded and he blamed it all on Phil and his weird hippiness and over religious-ness. That was Dan's first impression of Phil.
-
So Dan had a girlfriend, not an actual one. It was some girl named Eliza that he got off of Craigslist because she was the only person in London that was willing to pretend to date him. Eliza had slowly grown creepily infatuated with Dan and let's just say, she watches him bathe.
Of course when Dan had asked why she does this, Eliza just when on this huge spiel about this guy named Dil that she loved and shit. Apparently Dil looked like if Dan and Phil had an awkward emo baby. Of course the only true adorable emo baby is Pete Wentz from fetus Fall Out Boy.
-
It was still morning and Dan was still staring intently into Phil's eyes. Dan looked outside and saw the white flakes falling from the faded gray sky. Dan and Phil should have been cold, but they have both been blushing almost simultaneously for what felt like forever.
"Would you like a smoothie?" Phil asked, tilting his head attempting to make a human conversation for once this morning.
"A smoothie?" Dan shook his head and eventually put the palm of his hand to his face, "It's the middle of winter, in London!" He almost shouted in disbelief because Dan had no patience that morning, you know other than the part where Dan was just sitting on his bed staring at Phil. "And we're naked, Phil!"
"How does that matter?" Phil asked sitting up from his rather uncomfortable position on the bed.
Dan sighed and slid off the bed. He stayed silent ws he went over to his dresser. The drawers were neatly placed in their holders and clothing was folded perfectly and everything was in place. Exept for the undeniable fact that everything was not okay, because Dan and Phil had just done it in Dan's bed.
Honestly, they didn't care. At least Phil didn't. Dan was the one getting flashbacks from when they were fucking and it was strange to say the least.
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Present day:
Dan was in more emotional pain than physical pain. Dan was sitting in the same hunched over position for five hours and it was more painful than not. Dan didn't feel the need to get into a browsing position to look at the internet, if you counted drooling on his laptop keyboard for five hours as browsing the internet.
The thing is, Dan had just realized he found Phil attractive.
The fact that Phil seemed so comfortable with the whole, you know "sex" thing, worried Dan. Somehow while Dan was curled up in a ball crying billions of tears, so many tears that his laptop keyboard got completely wet.
How? Dan thought while Leaning against his headboard, suddenly a loud, almost obnoxious knock omitting from the door caused Dan to jump.
