Sometimes I'm just sad. What does that mean though? Is it wrong to be sad? Everyone seems so sad my age. I'm not any different from anyone else. People have it worse than me, I feel as if I don't deserve to be sad. That's an interesting thing to say tho, "deserve to be sad". As if it's good to be sad, which can't be true.
Sometimes when I'm sad I don't feel like living. Why don't I just end my life then what drives me? Do I wanna prove to the people that cause me pain that ok strong? Might I actually care for people on this secular world? Am I just scared of the pain that knife would cause?
Sometimes I feel love. In my life I think I've loved many people, but none of it amounted to anything. There's one girl I love now, her name is Chansey. She hurts me, she's made me sad. Her sweet voice will always soothe my soul and her delicate features will always please my thoughts. Despite that we are too far apart. No amount of love will fix the fact that we are not right for each other.
Sometimes I'm angry. Mostly at my father. My dear Dad I love with all my heart and even though I love him all the lies bleed through. All the pain rips through my heart. My dear Dad even when I'm angry I still miss you.
Sometimes I don't care. I want to care about the people just like me. All the beautiful people who are broken and dead. The people who deserve to be sad. No matter how much I want something, that won't make me care. I love you for who you are. I hope you know that you're beautiful. I hope you know that on a different day I would hold you, I would even sing you songs until you slept. But when I don't care I don't care lovely. I wouldn't blink at your death I wouldn't cry for your hate.
Sometimes I hate. Hate, hate, hate. I hate you I hate myself I hate my life. I don't know what causes it. The sadness I can't explain? The anger I can't control? The love I can't enjoy? The feeling of not caring? Is it just my life I hate? Who knows.
Sometimes I wonder what life means. I ask what the point in it. I'm not really sure. We are all sad people going through sad things which only almost prepares us for the next sad part of our life. That's all I know so far. That's all I feel. Because
Sometimes this sadness makes me numb.
