Chapter 1:
"NO! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING! PLEASE DONT RAPE ME! PLEASE!" I screamed and screamed. He wouldn't take his hands off me. I felt disgusting. I didn't deserve this. Not at all. I never trusted my stepdad. Ever.
"Allison! You're having a nightmare! Wake up!" I heard my mom yelling but I couldn't wake up. I couldn't snap out of it. I felt her shake me and I finally opened my eyes and she wiped tears off my face and I jumped up and hugged her tight. I was terrified for my life.
"Mom.. He ruined me."
"I know sweetie. I know. You're safe now. He's gone. He's locked up for life."
"I still don't feel safe. I never feel safe anymore"
I couldn't stop crying. This happened every morning.
"Get ready for your first day. You're finally a Junior" she said trying to smile.
"Okay." I said back. Fake smiling.
How did she not notice I'm falling apart? I cut ever morning. When I get home from school. And before I go to bed. Cutting is my addiction. So is starving. I never eat. I play with my food at dinner time. My mom doesn't notice. She doesn't eat either. I hate him. He ruined our lives. I don't trust anyone anymore. Not even my own god damn mother.
I went into the bathroom and got undressed. Looked in the mirror and grabbed my razor. I cut my thighs, my wrists, and my hips. That still wasn't enough but I needed to take a shower. I jumped in and watched all the blood go down the drain. I wasn't ashamed. I deserved it. Just like I deserved to be raped.
I finally finished taking a shower and headed for my room. I grabbed my tight black long sleeve shirt, red jacket, my favorite white skinny jeans, red vans, and white beanie. For an emo fucked up bitch, I was stylish. I grabbed my makeup bag and straightener. I always did my makeup and hair in the bathroom. I did my normal makeup. Eyeliner and mascara. Also straightened my hair.
I was a popular girl with MANY secrets. My best friend was the only one that knew everything about me and still loved me. My ex-girlfriend knew nothing about me but called me fucked up and broke up with me. Yes, I'm a lesbian. And everyone knows it. But every guy at school still wants me. Which I don't understand.
I hated my body, my face and everything about me.
I finally got finished getting ready and I grabbed my phone and backpack and went downstairs.
"Hey mom. I'm just gonna go. I'm not hungry." I said. Walking out the door. I drove to Bonnie's house.
'Hey babe. I'm outside. Hurry up.' I text her.
Bonnie's my best friend and I love her with everything I have.
'Hey Allison. I'll be right out.'
She walked outside and got in my car looking at me with a nervous look.
"Allison I need to tell you something..."
"What is it?"
"I... I... Think I'm in love with.... You."
I had no clue what to say. Bonnie had been my best friend since 3rd grade and I always liked her. But how could she love a girl like me? I was trash. I was worthless..
