I don't think anybody understands how deep my self hatred is. It's not some thing I started as a teen for attention. I have literally hated my body since before I can remember.
When I was four I had a babysitter. We liked to joke that when I really puffed my tummy out I was five months pregnant.
I wanted to truly be pregnant to hide my tummy fat.
One of my fondest memories was messed up by self image. I had a solo in the second grade play. My costume made me feel fat. I was seven years old.
I can't just erase every negative thought I have about my body. My shoulders are broad, my boobs are too big, my ass is flat, my tummy is far from toned.
I'm called a slut because of my DDs. The first time a boy told me I was dressed like a slut was in the seventh grade. I was wearing a unisex t-shirt and sweatpants.
For years my siblings have told me I'm a chubby waste of space. I never believe a boy when he tells me he likes me- after all, I'm me. It has to be a trick.
To an extent, I like my body. I acknowledge what it's capable of. But being skinny isn't one. Yes, I'm considered healthy. No, I don't love my body.
But this tirade that's chock-full of self hatred, it's to tell you that it's okay. Somebody finds you beautiful, and you're more than your body. You're your smile, your laugh, your jokes, your intelligence, your talents. You are an enigma, you are a god or a goddess, you are worth the world- regardless of whether you're thick or thin.
