The Art of Letting Go

Chapter Two

Mahirap sabihin na masaya ako para sakanya kahit na nasasaktan ako . Hindi naman madali yun eh . Pero kailangan tanggapin kase kapag mahal mo ang isang tao , uunahin mo ang kaligayahan niya bago yung sayo . Gustuhin ko man na ako ang kaligayahan niya , hindi na ako ang nagpapasaya sakanya eh .

Gab : Hey sweetheart . I heard you broke up ? If he's that stupid to leave you , then he really doesn't deserve you . It's his loss .

Me : Kuya , how many times does my heart have to be broken before I find the right one for me ? Sometimes it's just hard . It's hard to be strong . It's hard to trust and open my heart again . My heart was almost fixed . All the pieces seemed to be put together once again after such a long time . . . Then all of a sudden , this happened and it's more broken than ever ! Damn , it hurts .

Kuya just hugged me . He made me feel safe . Yes , Jayvie left me but I know God won't and kuya won't too . I just have to move on . I've done this before . Kaya ko to .

Ang tagal ko ng di umiyak ng ganito . Kung pwede lang magreklamo ang mga mata ko , ginawa na nila . Ang saket na ng ulo ko . Pero masakit din ang dibdib ko . Dibdib ko ba ang masaket o ang puso ko ? . . .

Mom : Chesca , is there something wrong ? Bakit namamaga mga mata mo ? Did you cry ?

Dad : Is this about another guy ?

Trina-try kong pigilan na umiyak pero mas lalong di ko mapigilan sa harap nila mama . I don't want them to worry about me . There's nothing to worry about . Wala naman talaga eh . Okay lang ako . Magiging okay din ako .

Me : I'm fine . It's just that I'm not feeling well . Can I please be excused ?

Mom : But you haven't touched your food . .

Dad : Leah , hayaan mo na siya . Anak , if you need us we're here . I hope you'll be okay soon . We're here for you but if you want to be alone first , we understand .

Hindi ko na napigilan ang tears ko . Dad always knows if what's really wrong kahit di ko sabihin sakanya . Daddy's girl ako and we are super close . I feel bad kase alam kong pag nasasaktan ako , nasasaktan din siya . Gusto ko man ilabas ang sama ng loob ko at sabihin sakanila what's bothering me , mas gusto ko muna mapagisa ngaun . I want some time alone . I really don't want any company for now so I went to my room and just locked myself .

I feel miserable . I feel broken . I feel incomplete . Bakit kaya sa dami dami ng mga pwede kong mahalin , yung mga mali pa ang minamahal ko . He said he won't leave . He promised . Umaasa parin ako na magkakabalikan kame . Pero hanggang pagasa nalang yun . . . Miss ko na yung . .

*cellphone vibrates*

It's him . :(

He sent me an iMessage :

"Chesca , miss na kita . Alam kong hanggang ngayon umiiyak ka parin but please stop . I still love you . YOU STILL HAVE MY HEART . "

Is this a joke ? Kung mahal niya ko , why would he leave ? One day , everything seemed so perfect and the next , lahat nalang ng happiness mo , mawawala na . .

Di ko kayang di magreply kase , gusto ko pang ayusin to eh .

"Jayvie , alam mo , tama na ang lokohan . Telling me you still love me won't make me feel better . You just proved me you're like the guys I've known before . I opened my heart to you AGAIN because I trusted you . I trusted all your promises . Sino ba talaga yung totoong Jayvie ? Yung Jayvie na nakilala ko noon or yung Jayvie na nangiwan sakin ngayon ?

You can't keep any promises . Pero alam mo yung masaket ? The fact that I can't even hate you . The fact that I can't stop loving you . "