Lethal wish

Introduction

My name?... Often a lot of people ask me that... Belle Etoile for that's the name I go by.
All my life I have been wanting to be excepted by the world...
For everywhere I go I am labeled as an outcast...
My family was cursed ten generations before I...
A price for beauty will forever haunt my family's soul, the story goes....

     Star is an ugly women she was tired of looking in the mirror and seeing nothing but a rotted hag. She thought she was the most hideous creature in all of the world. But others saw no flaws, no imperfections.
She had once herd of a shamanistic place, a very powerful land where ones wish would be granted onto them.
She follows the rumors by climbing soaring mountains, and crossing glacial oceans.                    
Her wish is one my family will eternally pay the price for, one that we would be trapped in for infinity. She wished for eternal beauty out of her own greed. Her selfish manor wanting to be Superior to all who meet her. 

     If that wish was granted our family would be forever and always known as horrid, and it may curse others who meet me... The price of beauty was to be spiteful! Others would be drawn away, no friends, no family...just floating  in the abyss surviving.
And so every generation a young lady would die at the age of nineteen. She was warned about the effects, the way her family generations would suffer beyond belief. But, she did not  did not care of the consequences nor what would be her "later to be family." She was overwhelmed by her own acquisitive mind. The result would make the future perpetually unbearable. 

     I have hid in the shadows ashamed of myself for IF I were to have even one friend, or get close with someone I may ruin there life, by doing whatever it takes to brake them. For me this is an involuntary action...something of my "Other self." For as long as I can remember, I have been scared of myself, scared of life.  Scared of others who dared to get to close.
I am named after the very lady who brought my family into this mess. I am seventeen right now in two years my life would meet its bitter end.

Some ask me how I live my life...
Some ask me how I survive....
Some ask about my family....                                                                                                                                Some may ask how I stride...

     The answer is simple, I was born to shut out others. From another mans point of view my life is odd or unfamiliar but, for me it's just normal.  I envy others for that reason. Life is normal for me, the life wear you have no one, no home, no soul. Like your just an empty shell being tossed in the wind. 

     My family... well that's were it gets a little uncanny, my parents left me when I was five. They simply pushed me out the door they said I was "a worthless piece, a disgrace!" and that I was nothing but a rag doll living with them. They disowned me for who knows what. From that point on I have traveled farther and farther away from a place I use to call home. I met others and gave them a chance when I was sixteen but it didn't feel the same, other's smiles I could see right through them. They didn't give any help to me, all that did was smile. Nothing more almost like someone is saying something but you can't quite hear them clearly, it didn't feel right. Later I found out that they died or 'disappeared'

I have lost contact with others, speaking very little but I have hope in my heart, it's not much. I try not to let my emotions consume the little bit of happiness that I contain.

I walk along a dead field and find my rest by a tree but, before I lay down I climb up the raggedy tree to see the falling sun. It shines upon the land sending beautiful rays of colors across the sky. I look down to see wild horses eating grain among a far field. I turn my gaze around to the ground, which I once stood on. I hop off the tree my stomach clenched as I'm reminded that I haven't ate for three days. I lay my head against the bark of the maple tree tucking my knees to my chest in hope to gain warmth. I let out a shaky breath as I close my eyes and lay my mind to rest. For tomorrow would be another day  inadequate, another day of hunger, pain.