Life

As a kid...

My life became very painful after a certain day in the past, sadly I can't ever go back and change the events that had happened. I like to believe everything happens for a reason. For some reason I could never figure out why I got something very important to me taken away. I was too young to do anything wrong.

My father passed away in 2004. I was only 5 at this time. He went to the hospital because he wasn't feeling good. He went to the bathroom and as he was washing his hands he had a heart attack. My father's head hit the bathroom sink. He was in a coma for a few months they took him off of life support. He breathed on his own for a while until he finally died. My family always tells me stories about him still to this day. It sometimes makes me angry because I can't remember much about my father. I can remember stupid vacations I took when I was four but I can't even remember my own father. I hate the fact that he died. Sometimes I feel like his death could have been prevented but it's over now. My mother told me that he is always looking at me from above. Sometimes I wish I could have one of those movie senses. When I get visions of my dad or can speak to dead people so I could talk to him when I need fatherly advice. My life was turned upside down for a while. My father and I were very close as I can tell from pictures and from what my family says.  

Sometimes I get angry when my family talks about my dad because they all got to know him, and I didn't. Sometimes I'd get mad with my mother because she always argued with him. I never got my chance to have daddy daughter dance, or breakfast with daddy. As I grew older I learned to hold in all my emotions. Also causing me to lie alot so people couldn't figure out that something is wrong with me. So in elementary school the kids didn't believe my father died. So I brought in his obituary. A big group of kids ripped it into pieces saying I got it off the internet.  I have tons of anger towards them...After that my trust walls got taller and stronger. My dad was also in the army. I've got his flash in my basement with a card from the funeral home. Every one says I look just like my father, and nothing like my mother. 

I had one brother and one sister on my dad's side. We all have different moms. My father had extremely strong genes because I look exactly like my sister, even though we have different moms. It's really strange I never understand it... but anyways...My brother always had my back. He was always around even though he was like six years older than me and my sister is six years older than him. My sister has three kids. She moved to north Carolina about three years ago, and my brother went to college in north Carolina. My sister and him see each other very often.