As a developing teen in both mind and body I do try to see things in the mindset of many different individuals. Yet in the process of trying to understand the behavior and thoughts of my peers I somehow forgot how to process my own thoughts and actions.
I never truly believed in things the way other children my age did as a small thing around the age of six or so. All of the other munchkins were obsessed with material things like toys or clothing while on the other side of the spectrum was wee old me just attempting to figure out what made those possessions so overwhelmingly special. Was it the emotional connection that went with that toy rainbow pony or rather the way that we aspired to be like the objects we held so tightly in our grip?
For even now I wonder those same things.
As children most of us had a favorite something. Whether it be an animated picture or a material object, we nearly worshiped this thing and held it high in all of the thoughts and actions we took. Everything we did was with that thing in mind. I will use a superhero as an example to help better understand my thinking. For the sake of explanation lets just go with Batman.
We all saw them, the super fan kids who wore nothing but batman merchandise and had all of the toys and collectible items that ever hit the market. They would sing the theme song or rather the basic part that only contained around two words with most of them being some odd sound and ending with his name being called out very loudly. What exactly made Batman so special to these children? Was it the way he fought off the bad guys? or maybe how he overcame a deep internal struggle in order to continue on in life?
Or maybe you just didn't think twice about it.
I cannot lie, I once had a favorite childhood thing too. Mine was the colorful animals known as The Care Bears. If you asked me why I felt so strongly for talking bears with magical bellies I could not give you a reasonable answer besides the fact that those bears brought me extreme joy throughout my childhood. A joy that I would soon have pulled from beneath me like a mat on the kitchen tile.
I noticed over the years that while watching other people play and enjoy their day to day life, I had given up on the hope of answering the very questions I started with. I'll do that sometimes, lose where I'm going with a piece of work and end up speaking about a large and off the wall topic that I could not tell you in any way relates to my original topic of discussion. Sometimes the questions I was asking were the exact ones people tried to avoid. I was never seeking out trouble by asking questions and tried my hardest not to provoke or offend anyone in the process.
I like to take my every action into thought with someone else in mind, so therefore, I have to thoughts of my own. I am an individual with a body but have no say in how I feel internally. The people around me somehow dictate my emotional center and just pull the strings behind it all. Hopefully someday I'll be the headmaster of this puppet show but for now I'm just a stage hand.
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"Childhood is the most beautiful of all of life's seasons."
~Unknown
