It hurts.

Just another day

Great, another day. I have to face school. The people in it. The jarring teachers. The homework. And worse, the rumours. The rumours that cut through my flesh, crush through my bones, rip apart my heart and tear down my soul.
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Well. Thats how it feels. But no one will ever feel what i feel. No one will ever understand. I dont really know how i got here. I dont know how school got so messed up. I..I..I.. dont know what to say. Well, you'll see everything once i start back at school. The first day back after the summer holiday. Year 9...
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I sat on the top deck at the back, staring out the window. Watching the trees, cars and houses fly by. Thoughts dashing through my head blurring my eyes. I wiped away the falling tear and tried to zone out, so i wouldnt have to think about the day ahead or the past. Nothing was good about my school life...even if there were good times...they were too long ago or too few to remember. Okay let me not lie...i do have a lot of good times but the pain drowns it out. Good is no match for Evil. I know that for a fact. I try to escape it. I try to escape my sadness. I do... sometimes... when im having a great time with my friends, but as soon as the silence comes the dreadful thoughts swim back into my mind and its harder to make them leave. I have great friends i know that. Im glad, but, thats no match for the constant fear of people always ready to jump on my back and burn me down. Look... all im saying is... i dont know what im saying i just. . . I cant explain. Maybe you understand? HA..,You probally dont!

Sorry, you know, im just blabbing on rubbish. Why would you care? So. As the bus pulled to a sharp stop the buses robotic voice read alloud the current stop and my brain clicked in. I was once again aware of my sorroundings and what i would have to deal with today. I pulled out my head phones and held tight of the bus handle lifting myself from my seat. The bus was filthy. It was raining on that day so i felt absolutley disgusted. Its like that feeling you get when someone presses hard with a whiteboard pen or when you hold hands with someone when your hands are wet...anyways. I made my way downstairs nearly tripping. Then the doors began to close. Oh my gosh! I shouted to the bus driver and he eventualy opened the doors. I didnt thank him! He didnt deserve it. I stormed off already in a bad mood for the day. Wishing no one would get on my nerves. But i knew everyone would.

I checked the time as i walked to school. Oh my ... lets not even go there i had 5 minutes to get to school and i had already had about 3 detentions this week! I couldnt deal with another one! I held on to my bag and tried to run as fast as i could. I was pretty fit but i really needed to slow down on the sugars. My bag did not help either, for an unknown reason it weighed a ton. About 2 minutes later i was by the front gate and out of breath, but i didnt stop. I knew if i stopped i would waste precious time and at this moment minutes counted. By the time i got to my locker I had 2 minutes left. I shoved my coat and phone into it still worried about the safety of my belongings, it probally wasnt safe because ive brocken into lockers before. Pretty easy i guess. You just gotta twist the lock a certain way and bang the locker hard with your fist. Yes! I know. Im a natural lol...naa joking.

At 1 minute left I smashed my locker closed and looked in the form opposite my locker for a new friend i had made. She was nice but.. well i trust her and all but...people tell me i trust to easily so i dont want to tell her anything to personal. I dont want to trust anymore because people will just through it back into your face. Yep ive been there done that. Theres this girl... i trusted her too much with my life and now im stuck in a very bad predicament. She.. she freatens to hurt me and is constantly out to put me down. I guess she just is maybe a little confused aswell. But yeah. That was the reason i dont want to trust anyone anymore. That new friend.. i have told her things but im not sure im ready to let her read this because. Well this is soooo personal because this is an insite to me. To what im going through. My life. And how i feel.

I flashed to my form block and as I took a step on the corridor the bell rung through my ears. Arrrgh crap! Id missed it, but i carried on up the stairs hoping miss would still register me 'on time'. .... .... ...No she didnt. I was out of breath and panting, everyone was looking at me and she still didnt allow me, just great. I liked my form teacher...she always understood and she had alot of emphathy. She put herself in our shoes and felt how we felt, then she decided what to do after. Hardly any teachers did that. I called her my school mum. She would always be interested in my results and grades and always took time to listen to my problems. Once she even spoke to me about my school 'BEEF' for 1 whole hour after school. Now thats sacrifice! The whole time she could of marked lots of work by other students and gone home early! But yh x shes nice.

My 2 main friends greeted me and i sat on the front row with them. I was closest to the wall. The wall is comforting. It makes me feel more at home. Less uneasy. When im away from it, i fell more vunerable, on edge, like that feeling you get when your in a dark room and you feel like theres lots of creatures creeping around in the dark ready to pounce and shread you to peices. 'Always keep your back to the wall', i heard that saying in a movie. 'Kickass' i recall. I took it into consideration. Thoughout my times at school ive had my fair share of beef. Accually i would say i got about 3 peoples worth of beef. Literally its like everday a new person who wants to break me. Like nigga please. Gimme a break. I wonder...everyone else seems so happy. Everyone seems like everythings good and like theres nothing to worry about. I dont know. Maybe its just me. Maybe, somehow, im seeing what i want to see. But. Ill never know at this rate.

The teacher started to take the register listing down everyones names. Then this girl answered ugh. The one i deteste with all my guts. Lets not go there. I answered with a cheery voice so know one suspects my mood and carried on slumping in the corner. My friends began laughing and joking around with that girl 'you know who'. I just screwed and turned away, resting my head on my arm which was on the desk. I closed my eyes and thought about another life i always imagined. A life completly opposite to this one. A life full of other lifes put together...My friend tapped me on the shoulder about 4 minutes later. She asked if i was alright, yh i was i told her, but she knew something was up. I couldnt tell her what was wrong, even if i wanted to, because even i didnt know why i was feeling so depressed...maybe because today was just going to be crappy, well at least i thought it was.