"Living a Decisional Nightmare"

"Unconditional Thoughts"

"Have you ever felt like you didn't want anyone to fall in love with you?"

Thoughts that roam through my head between the times of 2am and 5am, every morning, shadows itself during the daytime. Oftentimes, work, daylight, and friends keep it a way. I tend to leave it in the furthest corner away from me as possible. Most times, it sneaks up on me like a disfigured cloud that comes pouring down on my mind and slithers itself away while I'm asleep. Every time I wake up; it's as if I was never thinking those thoughts. The feelings that I am having is far from a family lost , a heartbreak or horror flick terror. I might put it in words as a phobia towards love if there is such a thing. I'm alright with love but being in love is what scares me. Not all the time though. Only when I've trapped myself in making more than one woman fall for me at the same time. When all I ever wanted was to be friends and hold freely conversations; somehow, it gets mistaken for long walks on the beach, a white picket fence with a ring and legal documents. Then I end up becoming the bad guy. Some people would say that if I only focus on one then no one should come in the picture, but everybody has talked to someone where they have been on two different pages with that person. Unintentionally leading on someone is one of the worst experience I have experienced next to heartbroken being the worst .