You Know That Moment When...

Teardrops

I've always been alone.
I like it that way.
If your alone nobody can hurt you.
If your alone you'll never feel alone because your used to that feeling.

People are always asking why I don't talk to anyone. I don't talk at all, not since I was 5.
I'm silent. But I can talk.
I have always been in the world I made for myself in my head and I like it their.
I can do anything I like because theirs nobody their to drag me down.

I sit at my desk and type on my laptop.
I'm currently writing a story. I don't think I'll ever show anyone it though.

My phone buzzes and I read my text
Are you coming to the party Rori?
It's from Mom. She wants me to go to a new years party at the Hospital she works at.
I quickly text back
Do I have a choice?
I already know her answer. I get off my chair and find my shoes.
No you don't
She answers.
I knew she'd say that. I rush out of the house and walk to the Hospital.

I arive a while later and everyone looks at me. Nobody expected me to come. I rarely come to the parties and if I do I stand in a corner by myself.

"Hello Rori!" Says Phil, Mom's coworker "I wasn't expecting to see you here!"
I blank him and go sit in my corner.

I sit their for a few hours until someone comes and sits next to me.
"Hi Rori..." It's Danny. He never leaves me alone when I clearly want to be alone. He just sits their messing with his thumbs.
"Danny! Leave poor Rori alone!" Comes Jenna, Danny's mother.
Danny stands and leaves me alone, not giving me another look.

"5 . 4 . 3 . 2 . 1 . HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" everyone shouts.
I don't want to be here and I don't want to celebrate.
"What you doing over here you little rascle?" Mom asks, coming to pester me like she does every new year.
"I know... Your not going to talk." She sighs "where did I go wrong to make you not want to talk to anyone?"
She leaves me.
I wonder what would have happened in my life if I wasn't so antisocial...
I'd probably still be a loner.
I'm not pretty and I like playing with dirt. I'd never fit in with the girls who act like its the end of the world if they break a nail.
I'd never fit in with the emos because I'm not depressed enough.
I'd never fit in with the cheerleaders because I'd never get a boyfreind.
I'd never fit in anywhere because I'm never quite right...
So I'd rather be alone and silent than chase after a croud I'd never belong in.

I go home after a while. Mom won't notice my absance when she's drunk. I carry on with my story for a while until someone knocks on the door downstairs.
Everyone knows Mom is at the party and Dad is on his 'buisnes trip' (aka is with his new girlfriend) so I have no idea who'd be stood at the door and opening the door would mean I'd have to talk to someone...

Its been half a hour and the person still hasn't gone away...
I go downstairs and open the door, only to get them to go away.
I open the door to a boy who looks around my age.
"Hi. I'm James." He says "I just moved in next door"
I just look at him
"I was hoping to speek to your Mom or Dad?" He says/asks
I just shake my head and he laughs
"Don't talk much, do you?" He jokes
"Rori their hasn't spoken in a long time young man. I doubt she'll start again any time soon" our neighbour, Kyle, tells him.
"Can I come in then?" The boy asks
I try think of a reason but when I can't I simply nod and he comes into the house.
He sits on our couch like he lives here.
I sit on my bean bag and read one of my books as he stares at me.
I glare at him and he looks down, embarrassed by getting caught staring.
"Its a nice house" he tells me and I nod
"Why the hell don't you speek?" He complains
I just look at him. He's the first person to say that who hasn't hered me speek...
The others only said it because they missed the sound of my voice but he had nothing to miss.
I got my phone out and went on text to speech.
"I don't like talking" my phone said
"So you use your phone?" He asks
"Yeah. I got it for this exact purpose" the phone told him
"I'd rather hear your voice than the phone but I'll put up with it" he laughed
"Put up with it?" I type
"Yeah. If we're going to be friends I'll have to deal with the phone not your own voice" he said
"Freinds?" My phone says
"Yeah. I'm starting to like you already and I think you may need some company" he laughed
"You laugh alot" my phone points out
"I've been told that" he admits
I turn my phone off and turn the TV on. I throw the remote at him and he chooses the channel.

When Mom came home she wasn't expecting to hear the sound of my phone talking to James.
"Who are you?" She asks James
"Mom. This is James. He just moved in next door" my phone informs her
"Rori? Your saying things! Through your phone but your still saying things! I'm so proud!" She says
I smile at her and she hugs me.
"I guess I'll be going now. I'll talk to you tomorrow Rori" James says
"Bye. See you tomorrow" my phone says
"Omg. Rori, have you made a friend? I'm so very proud of you my child!" Mom enthuses

As I go upstairs I feel tears form in the corners of my eyes. I made a friend.
I might fit in somewhere after all.
I lay my head on my pillow and let tears of joy roll down my face.
Teardrops start falling so fast I can't stop them and soon I'm sure I'm going to be dehydrated.
I finally fall asleep and I dream...

Dream
I run from Dexter and hide under the trampoline. He won't find me here.
"Rori! I'm coming for you!" He shouts.
We are playing hide and seek. He'll never find me!
I stayed under the trampoline for ages and he didn't find me.
"Dexter! Have you abandoned me already?" I ask and then I feel him tap my back
"I'd never abandon my Rori!" He laughed.
I look back at his cute 5 year old face and laugh.
The next thing I know Dexter I being taken into a car by his Mommy.
I run home and cry
"I'm so sorry Rori. Dexter is never coming back" Mommy told me, sounding sad.
I decided I wasn't going to have anyone if I couldn't have Dex so I wasn't going to talk until he returned to me and we could play hide as seek with his trampoline again...

End of dream
I woke up with more tears rolling down my face. I still missed Dex...
I'm never going to give up the hope that he'll come back for me. If he doesn't come back I'm never going to have anyone else, and he better not have forgotten me and moved on. He's mine! Nobody else's, my Dexter!

I got up and ran downstairs. I needed coffee. I made a cup and drank it quickly to save time. I still had a week off school and I wasn't going to waste a second of it. I paused as I hered someone knock on the door. Its 2 am... Who would be knocking at the door at this time?
I opened the door to see James stood their, looking like he wasn't expecting me to open the door.
"You sure do wake up early Rori!" He joked "but you could say the same about me!"
I glared at him and he noticed his mistake
"Well... You can't say it, can you?" He admits and I nod "you can?"
I nod again "you just don't like speaking yet you can..."
He seemed confused and I didn't know why he was confused or what I'd done to make him confused.
"Why don't you speek?" He asks
I just shake my head, signaling that I wasn't going to tell him.
He nodded and walked into the house, again acting like he lived here.
"I'll get you to talk eventually" he said, determined. I know I won't be talking any time soon so I guess I'll have a friend for a while...

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When James left Mom was giving me weird looks and asked a lode of questions about what I did with James and if I had actually made a real life friend.
I didn't know if I was to be offended by her thinking I'd never make friends or agree with her because I'd thought I'd never make friends...

The day went by uneventfully and Dad called in the afternoon to check up on Mom and make sure I hadn't told her about his girlfriend. I would never tell anyway because I don't talk so I didn't get why he was worried.

I even got to speak to his girlfriend when I took the phone to my room. She simply speeks to me and I listen. She's called Crystal and I really like that name. It reminds me of the jewels and makes me have the idea she's very pretty. She does talk a lot though, mostly she asks if I'm going to talk to her anytime soon. I obviously don't answer her.

When I put my head on my pillow at the end of the day, I fall into a dreamless sleep.