I Stumble, Then Fall

but i can't help falling in love with you

hi!! thank you for deciding to actually check out this fic lmao

i just want to say that this is teen angst

there's nothing else to be warned about, really, but after reading this fic and you didnt shed a single tear,,,,it means i have failed

anyways!! this is a short chapter that talks about how daichi looks like in suga's perspective.
enjoy :-)

It wasn't easy to accept it...the fact that he's pathetically in love with his best friend.

Three years ago, they met through the likes of volleyball. Koushi remembers being a little bit taller than Daichi, but his captain-like personality practically outshined the rest of the first years; height doesn't matter when he still has more room to grow, more ways than one. It was shameless of Suga to outright stare at him throughout the rest of the practice. He couldn't help it back then (he still can't). The intimidating yet selfless aura beaming out of that man he just met -- it was weird, he later thought. That he was intrigued by him. He paid it no mind afterwards, thinking it was just a natural reaction. He was too oblivious back then.

A few weeks pass by and Koushi felt more closer to Daichi. He was also close to Asahi, of course. Asahi ended up in the same class as Koushi. But the feeling he gets when he's with Daichi is a little different. 

Sugawara realizes that he was looking forward to his lunchbreaks more than usual (the three of them -- Asahi, Suga, and Daichi -- spend their lunches together).  He notices the small habits and details about Daichi. He notice Daichi's perfectly trimmed nails. He noticed a birthmark on the back of his neck even though it's almost the same tone as his skin colour. He notice the way he walks; it was gentle. How can someone walk "gently"? He starts to familiarize his actions, too. He knows the way he writes , the way he fixes his hair or the days he likes to wear his favourite socks (he wears the Mizuno brand when there's a game).

Sometimes, they get into a friendly banter. He jokingly punches Daichi in the stomach (not too hard, but hard enough to make him crutch in pain). He likes it when Daichi rubs his shoulders in a friendly gesture. Or when they get into a group hug and he somehow manages to be beside Daichi because, wow, the way his warm hand fits on his waist have never felt so good.

He also likes the way Daichi gets so flustered. You can hardly see the blush that creeps on his face because of his skin tone, but if you look close enough, you'll see the dust of pink scattered across his cheeks and up to his ears.

In the middle of Sugawara's second year of high school, Tanaka joked about Suga and Daichi being a married couple. They all laughed and played along with the joke, Daichi claiming that he was the "papa" and Suga giggled and accepts that he can be the "mama". 

Later on that night, the still joke was still swimming around in his mind. Sugawara doesn't mind, not in the slightest, to date Daichi. He thought that Daichi can probably accept his newfound feelings and try to work things out. Even though Suga is bi and Daichi is straight, they seem close enough to be considered dating, right?

11:06PM "Do you like someone?" Suga texted Daichi on a Friday night, the mindless joke still remembered. They always have deep conversations on Friday nights and Koushi is sleepy as  hell but he doesn't want to stop talking to Daichi. 

11:07PM "Actually, I was thinking about that," Daichi replied.

11:07PM "I think, maybe I do." Suga replied instantly, a little bit of adrenaline in his body.

11:09 PM "The person I like...I'm not really sure about it."

11:10PM "Hmm, how so?" Suga thinks maybe, just maybe, that Daichi was talking about him.

11:11PM "They don't like me back, I'm sure of it."

Suga's heart is practically beating out his chest. No, he thinks. Maybe he likes you, too. Maybe I like you, too. 

11:11PM "You can't be so sure of that! Did you ask them already??"

11:13PM "Yes," Daichi replies. Suga's heart drops because, no, he didn't ask me anything did he? Am I imagining things? Is he talking about someone else--

11:16PM "She says that she still likes her ex..."
11:24PM "What am I gonna do now? Maybe I should just keep my feelings to myself."
11:24PM "I'm still going to be her friend, though."
11:25PM "If you haven't guessed already, it's Michimiya."
11:28PM "Suga?"
11:31PM "You asleep??"
11:32PM "Ah. I just left you a bunch of messages. Now I look annoying."
11:50PM "Sleep tight, Suga"

Koushi couldn't sleep that night.

He woke up the next day feeling bruised and battered. And the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that.

Sugawara Koushi spent those days as if he wasn't tearing apart inside. He forced himself to smile at everyone, not letting any of his sadness show.

Third-year high school and he was assigned as the vice-captain of his volleyball team. He was expected to be a pillar of strength; he can't let his personal problems get in the way of his teammates' synchronization.

Until the nightmare Koushi feared the most appeared.

It was a slow, painful, realization. It was a creeping emotion that crawled throughout his entire body when it finally struck him.

The feeling of being hit by a bus, the weakened knees, and the numbness you feel right after. He wasn't about to faint, no. He wanted to, although this is the way his brain is telling him to suck it up.

Daichi looked so happy talking to Michimiya. Koushi wondered if that's how he looked like if they were having a conversation.

You can tell by the floating flowers and the soft smile on his face that he was enjoying their intertwined hands, casually brushing his thumb over her slender, pale fingers. Michimiya isn't as pale as Suga, but the amazing contrast of their skin colours added more into his ugly list of things to be jealous of.

Both were walking hand-in-hand, Michimiya complaining about her own volleyball team while Daichi listens intently, adding small comments when needed. She was too busy doing hand gestures and mimicking to notice Sawamura's pleasant look toward her.

Suga was too blown away to do anything but stand still and stop breathing. His body is frozen, yet his mind was in a frenzy. A mix of self-loathing, envy, fear, anger, helplessness and all those negative emotions pour right over his brain.

He wants to shout. He was to call out to Daichi, tell him that he's here. Tell him that he's always been here and that he's always been in love with him. That he can do better than Michimiya. That he can appreciate every flaw in Daichi. He wants to tell Daichi that he's really, fucking in love with him.

Suga's mouth only opened with a gasp of air.

"Suga-san!!" a familiar voice exclaimed. "Hey, Suga-san, I just wanted to talk about the report we have to do in biolo-- shit. Suga-san?? Are you okay? Holy shit, did someone hurt you?"

Koushi didn't even notice that he was gasping for air, his chest tight and the warm trails of fresh tears coming out of his eyes.