Somewhat how it Ended is where it all Began

CHAPTER 1

The Mystery of MCS

MCS,
Hey, uh Hi? It's me. I know I should have called you or meet you if I wanted to talk to you but I find it hard to hear your voice or see your face. So i wrote this letter to tell you things i'm too afraid to say.

How have you been? I want you to know that I'm happy for you and I'm very proud of you. I've always known you'll do great things, I have always believed you'd be big. Me? Well, same old same old. I will fly to Japan tomorrow hoping to set my future there. Funny isn't it? We used to talk about this a lot, our dreams. The only difference is back then you and I are in each other's dream, in each other's future. It seems like life has gotten in the way and I really can't blame you with the choices we made.

I ran away that night because I didn't want to tell you what I really feel and I'm sorry I left. I really am. I'm so sorry. I was so scared, scared of what you'll say, what you'll do, and what will happen. I'm such a coward. To tell you the truth I prepared myself for that. I prepared myself so if ever the day comes I will be ready. I can answer you and I can accept whatever will be after, but as time goes by I, I wanted to stop that for happening. You see I tried to cut you off so many times and I know you know how hard I've tried not to talk about it.

I have always wanted to tell you all this time that I am really deeply, madly, truly, in love with you.

I didn't felt it before. It wasn't love at first sight. I never intended to love you and in fact you annoy me but as we got closer, as I got to know you, your favorites, your hobbies, your personality, your weakness, your strengths and you mannerisms I just can't get enough. There was something in you that changed me. That made me believe, made me believe I could love again. I'm sorry for all the trouble and for loving you, for unintentionally loving you.

As we now move on with our lives i just want to tell you, for the first and last time, I Love You Matt Caleb Soriano. I love you so much it hurts. I love you so much I have to let you go. I love you. I love you.

Please always take care of yourself. Always be happy no matter how hard life can be. I wish you all the best of the best. And may you have the love you deserve. I'll miss your smile, I'll miss the way your nose crinkle whenever you laugh, I'll miss your weird way eating French toast, and I'll miss your kind and beautiful heart. Thank you for everything. Thank you for making this lifetime meaningful. Thank you Caleb, till again. Goodbye. God bless you always.

Love,
MCS

•••

Natatawa ako habang binabasa ko to' saba'y kuha ng damit na malapit saakin at tinuyo ang mga luha sa mga mata ko. Ito ang liham na dapat ay ibibigay ko kay Caleb bago ako umalis ng Pilipinas. Ewan ba. Naglilinis kasi ako ng kwarto ng nakita ko to. Limang taon nadin ang nakakalipas, di ko inakalang buhay papala tong sulat na to. Akala ko inamag o inanod na to kasama ng bagyo, sana nga inanod nalang para kasamang inanod nadin ang nararamdaman ko. Hay. Wala e. Hindi e. Nasasaktan padin ako hanggang ngayon, nararamdaman ko padin yung kirot sa puso ko. Siguro nga pag totoo at tunay kang nagmamahal hindi ito nawawala, hindi ito basta basta nakakalimutan. Kung papipiliin ako hindi nalang ako uuwi ng Pilipinas at nanatili nalang muna sa Japan hanggang sa makuha ko ang scholarship sa Vienna, Italy. Bakit nga ba kasi di ko to naibigay noong araw na yon?

"Mama! Mama!"

Nako si Joshua ano nanaman kaya ang ginawa non. Ibinalik ko ang sulat sa lamesa sa tabi ng aking kama at nagmadaling tumakbo papunta sa likod bahay.

"Joshua! Ano nanamang ginagawa mo dito sa bakuran?"

"Hindi ma, tignan mo oh, ginawa ko para sayo. Happy Valentine's Day!"

Nakakatuwa naming isipin na ang batang ito kahit sobrang pilyo ay malambing at maalalahanin. Matangkad siya para sa edad niyang 6 y/o. Gwapo, maputi, medyo singkit at may masayahing mga labi.

"Thank you Joshua, napangiti mo nanaman ako. Happy Valentine's din."

Niyakap niya ako at sinamahan ko siyang umupo sa pulang tela na tila aming kurtina na nakalatag sa damuhan. Meron siyang hinandang orange juice para saming dalwa at merong bulaklak ng gumamela sa tabi ng pinggan ko na ang laman ay French toast. Paborito ko. Napangiti ako ng sobra na hindi ko namalayang nakatulala na si Joshua sa reaksyon ko.

"Mama? sweet yung hinanda ko kasi ngumiti ka habang naiyak?"

Napa bugtong hininga ako. Anak ng.. Umiiyak ako?

"Haha. Hindi Joshua ano ka ba. Nakakatuwa lang talaga. Siguro kung andito si Papa mo matutuwa din yon sayo."

Nginitian niya ako at sabay kaming kumain. French toast kasi e. Sa pagkakatanda ko eto ang paborito namin ni Caleb, kaso nga lang siya nilalagyan niya ng hot sauce. Ang weird diba? Hayy. Naiiisip ko nanaman siya. Kumusta na kaya siya ngayon? Tss. Ano ka ba Mavis, wag mo ng balikan ang nakaraan malamang masayang masaya na yun ngayon. Ang focus mo ngayon kaya ka andito ay para alagaan si Joshua. Si Joshua. Si Joshua, ang dahilan bakit bumalik ka ng Pilipinas. Okay? Wag kang lutang. Absent minded ka nanaman nabasa mo lang yung sulat. Forget it Mavis. No time for sentiments. Maaring nakalimutan ka na din niya ngayon.

Nakalimutan..

Nakalimutan na nga ba niya kaya ako? Hayy.

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