Skinny Love (Harry Styles Fanfic)

Chapter five- Struggle

*Hey i hope you like this chapter, again I'm sorry its short, but i had to set the scene for whats coming next obviously, thank you for reading and warning this chapter contains allot of depressed feelings and if your not comfortable reading it i suggest you don't but yeah 

I appreciate you all reading thank you and please help me out by sharing this and voting ect Love you Mwah*

Cassie's POV-

I was never one to put myself out there in situations, so this threw me over the edge and it was clear i was not in my comfort zone. After my meeting with Dr Kelly i decided to put myself out there because i wanted to change.

I woke up about an hour ago and followed the scuffed carpet into the bathroom took a glimpse at my reflection and sighed as i returned to my room and sat at the foot of my bed gripping my phone. I pulled up my contact list which was full of people from my classes in college, which i was on break with until i was ''healthy'' enough to return and finish my course. I scrolled through a list which seemed like endless names of people i don't even remember before i came to Mollie's. 

Before i new it i was on our previous conversation reading through the morning messages i sent her that day, shes probably scared to ever see me again. Forcefully i moved my thumbs across the screen. 'Hey Molls, its Cassie! i miss you so much and i wondered if you wanted to meet soon?' Without hesitating it was sent, done and soon to be read. 

And here i am four hours later and still no reply, i wondered whether it was because she was ignoring me or she hadn't seen it. but there was no way she could have missed a text she was on her phone all day long talking to the numerous boys she attracts. 

Leaving my phone behind, i strolled downstairs, to find i was home alone, the kitchen was empty, and in the corner of my eye i spotted a piece of paper on the counter. 

'Cassie, Me and Richard are at work today sweetie, he'll be back about 8 and ill be back at 9 i have a late shift. Have a good day, don't do anything stupid. Also i labelled some items of food your nutritionist requires you to eat, there in the cupboard, Love you' 

"Eurgh really" i questioned myself i have had no appetite for anything and just because of what happened hasn't changed the way i see everything, that body i desired isn't an easy thing to achieve. Moments of thoughts, i grabbed the box of wholemeal cereal and poured a few pieces into a bowl, dropped the tiniest bit of milk on top and put a spoon next to it and left it next to the sink. "There done." I grabbed a rice cake reading the label '40 calories in each one' and decided to take two so it would fill me up. 

I turned the note over and started scribbling ' Richard i've gone to bed early, mums back at 9 night ox' I resumed its position on the counter and followed my previous footprints upstairs and checked my phone. I opened mine and mollies conversation and she had replied, 

'Cant today babe, with danny'' 

I knew she'd be busy, Mollie was always busy. She was the kind of girl who had a high reputation, and it seemed she was always with guys. Cant blame her she is beautiful and she got attention wherever she went. Mollie was the kind of girl who could blow of a guy and the'd still be interested. I wanted that attention, but all i was to those guys was the ugly girl who follows. Being a friend of an extremely pretty and popular girl, gives people high expectations to say the least. And its drowning being that person.

I threw my phone across the room and it  landed right next to my dresser, i was angry the only person i thought would be there for me wasn't, all that she said to me that day was nothing anymore, it meant nothing it was a pile of words. i was alone mentally and physically. Reaching for the controls, i turned the TV on and flicked through channels and stopped and an unknown channel. The volume was low, but i could still hear it. Staring at my phone droplets of water started trickling out my eyes. Now the TV was just a backing track for my sad expectations of life. 

For what seemed like ages, i cried, i cried so much that i felt my body begging to drown. Drowning in my sadness, my attempt of changing has lowered me into the deep hole i was living in. I ran to my dresser, and rumaged vigarously through the drawer for something sharp.

With numb thoughts i fell to the ground, and pushed what was a blade from razor on to my wrists. Forcefully damaging my skin i couldn't stop, brushing it over and over the old scars representing the same hurt feelings, it wasnt satisfying enough, so i dug deeper and cried loud and hard, bleeding all over, clenching my jaw i continued moving to various parts of my body making remarks and scars and things id regret in the future, if i could see one. I didn't want a future. I wanted to die. I wanted it over. Releasing my grip i fell into my bed letting out more tears until i drifted into an unconscious sleep.