I Love You, No Matter How Broken You Are

Ch1 When the blade started

Heaven's POV

Here I go. I was sure this time that i wanted to do it. I was done, broken, empty, misunderstood, useless, pointless... lifeless... I couldn't feel free in any ways, I couldn't be happy without feeling guilty. I just couldn't. I decided it was the time, is not like someone would even care so, why should I? I get on the chair and stare at the rope for a minute, thinking about everything. I didn't want to stay alive like last time, I wanted to make sure I was gonna end it all. I wrap the rope around my neck, and it all comes to my blind eyes again...
1 Year Ago
"Yes, I do want to be your girlfriend" I said with a huge smile in my face, looking at the guy in front of me. The love of my life. My parents for some reason didn't want me to date him, eventhough they like him. Their excuse is that we are too young. Will was his name, and still is. "Really?" He said, smiling, happy much i guess? Nah, he wasn't happy at all, i believe. He hugged me, I felt so quiet that moment, feeling fine, until i snap out of it. I pull away from the hug, pretending the biggest smile in my face. I wass happy, but that guilty feeling wouldn't go away. "But you know this gotta be between us. We ain't a real couple, but treat each other like we are" I said. "It doesn't matter as long as I'm with you" he said staring at me, smiling like an idiot. Still, he was so goddamn cute. We both leaned on but instantly pull away. I was so nervous and our first kiss couldn't be like this. Well, MY first kiss. God knows how many girls have this guy had.
It was on february 13th, 2 days before his birthday. I asked him to come to the car with me, which he did pleasantly, I guess. "So, I was thinking .. Heaven .. you know my bds on Sunday.." he started talking ... i just listened "Uh... yeah?" I said trying to give him a little push since he was a bit nervous. "I was wondering if you .. would like to come?" He asked looking away. "I'd love to" I said, giving him a smile. "But I'll have to ask first" i finished. "Fine by me" he finally looked at me "wel, Will... You gotta leave" I said giggling and standing in front of him. "Yeah right" he hugged me and gave me my bag back "You owe me a kiss, Heav" I giggled when he said that. He leaned his face, I gave him a kiss on the cheek "it's gonna be harder I guess" he said and I laughed " well anyways, love you" he kissed my cheek too and then left.
I got sick so I couldn't go to his birthday. I really wanted to be with him but being with a sick girl is not exactly the best gift ever. My cell phone rang and it was Will. So cute, calling me on his birthday. We talked till 12 pm when i told him i couldn't take it anymore and was falling asleep. "I miss you, Heav. Get well, sweet dreams. Love you" he said and hung up. I fell asleep.
Its been a week and my parents have found out but wont accept the fact we actually like each other. They said we were just good friends. They were so stressful for me. Always calling me names like people do in school. Calling me whore, slut and stupid, and saying that they dont trust me at all and the main reason they dont want me to go out with him is because they think im gonna get pregnant. Seriously? I started scratching myself.. I didnt even noticed. I realised i was doing that, the moment i felt the relief from the pain. I went into my parent's bedroom and with no one noticing i took a blade. I locked myself in my room and started using the goddamn blade. Best and worst desicion ever. It made me calm whenever i got out of a fight with my parents, but it made me feel even worse about myself. Just in one day, i had lots of cuts. I always do it vertically, just for if someday i go to deep... i end up killing myself.

THANKS FOR READING!!
THERE WILL BE MORE! YUP! BUT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.
I'M GOING TO WRITE MORE SO STAY TUNED
~ SeaBlueStyle