Feelings exposed

Starting over

Change

Everyone desires change to feel sane from the things they cannot deal with in their own pace

It sometimes feels like a disgrace to feel as if all the good was taken away 

Or going day by day feeling as if you are not okay

But eventually with the change you feel as if your numb in a very different way

Just because the sun comes and goes and the leaves the world cold for a temporary day

To help consider the new life that we go by another way

A new start is what makes us feel okay but what you did to me will never change

The fear and amount of pain I deal with that

Even my dreams wont let me run to feel sane

Sometimes I get scared and don't feel safe when I close my eyes thinking it will go away 

But it doesnt

I have tried running and hiding from the way I change everyday with a different pace 

And I feel sorry to say that you will have to live with every moment you took to risk

Thinking I wouldn't  say a word

That I was too scared to trust anyone with the secret I have held and it has effected me more than I have ever admitted

Knowing it was you that day that made me feel that way 

I remember the feeling of fear in my eyes that separated the vain I inflicted on ones who would never understand

That what you did was something anyone who could misunderstand that what you did was wrong

But it clearly wasnt made out to be what you thought I wouldnt see that

 those nights were real

Even more real than the trees changing and growing every single day

But shed off the branches to restart a "new me" 

And maybe what you did is something I will never be able to forget

And maybe you helped the tree grow and be as good as it could be to show that growing isnt all me

It is what I am effected by and everything I see

But I should not have to deal with the mistake you chose to take the day that inflicted pain on me in every way

I live with knowing I did not deserve it and showing everybody every single way that I am not so different

I can live my life perfectly capable with showing you that someone as sick as you would be could never be as tired as me

When I am strong enough to be as sane as I allow myself to be

Knowing that what you have done will never be special to me but something I will remember in the importance letter I write

To feel as okay as I can be 

Because change is what I felt I needed but I found out it never went away

As you chased every innocence left I had away from the way I wanted to be

But at that point of time you changed me

You changed my outlook on life and who I wanted to be

I am more mature now and I feel as raw and real as my emotions could feel to help me seal the letter I am writing to you to help change the appeal that you had for me

The day I felt as if my whole world went away

But change has helped me not only get away from the pain

But today is the day I will change my ways to feel better about this pain that I will live with every single day.