Loveless Soul

I am fifteen.

I have long black hair that is always a mess.

I have nice white skin, that bring out the bloody red cuts on my body.

I wear black, cause it's the only color I have.

My nickname is Esther, off of "The Orphan'.

I have blue eyes, that can only see the abyss.

I have a family, with only my brother in it.

I hate my name, it is Raven.

I can't die, because I've tried.

Many times.

This is my life, and I want to end it.

____________________________________

I woke up,took the knife beside my bed, and mark another day down. "It's been 2 years and 5 days since then" I thought. The scars I use to have faded away, but not with the memory. My brother walked in my room suit and tie ready to go. "again?" He exclaimed, wiping the blood off my wrist, and healing the scars on my arms. I feel that my brother will be the only one who won't betray me,he's too naive to do so."You have to stop doing this or else." He exclaims in his mother voice. He walks out the door, leaving me alone,as always. I get up put on a black blouse and black jeans, and head out the door. I stood at the stop and wait for the bus. The first seat was always mine for the cuts on its cushions suited me. I opened a book, and read silently through the trip. Scared of me, the students let me past like some freakshow in the school. When I entered the hallway, a flood of gossip hit me."Look, at all those cuts!" I hear on girl whisper to another. "Freak!" someone shouts at me. This day is already ruined. In class, I open my book and begin to read. I turn to Edgar Allen Poe's Tell-Tale Heart, and fall back into my sanctuary. Gym was next, and this time was volleyball, so that meant teams. Lucky, I found an excuse to not participate in the "fun". I watched as the ball bouced back and forth, each girl hitting with all their might, hoping to impress the boy who doesn't know she exists. Somehow the ball flew 30 feet from the net, to my face. "Hey, Can you pass that back?" a girl said snickering. I stand up, bust the ball and walk away. I feel as if I'll see them again later.

Afterschool, a group of girls approached me. "Well, this can't be good." I  

thought. I walked towards my locker, making sure to avoid eye contact. " Funny seeing you here, freak" they said as they approach my locker. "It's an honor to see the clique appear at my locker." I said sarcastically. "To what do I owe the favor?" "you have a lot of nerve to break our ball during gym, Esther "she said. "It was in the way, so I removed it." I answered. She was angered, so her hand made contact with my face in a matter of seconds."You are so foolish, angered over a mere ball.or was it your pride I hurt? " I replied. "You shut up emo freak!" She yelled. Going in for another hit, she raised her hand again. But something stopped her. A boy, blond with a retarded hair cut, blue shorts and a powder blue shirt,held her hand back. "I don't think violence will solve anything." he said putting her hand down. "W-well tell that to Esther!" she said as she walked away. The boy approached me looking at the spot where the girl had slapped me. "I won't say thank you!" I snapped as he walked me to the nurse."You don't have to." he said smiling. As we walked, I looked down suppressing the questions I had. "Why would he help me?" "What was his purpose?" "Is this a trick?" Questions ran through my head when he sat me down and cared for my bruise. "You sure got youself into a mess haven't you?" he said. "I don't need sympathy, especially yours." I replied. He looked down at my arm and saw the scars on my arm. "You've been though a lot haven't you?" "I told you I don't need your sympathy!" I shouted in anger. "Oh by that way, Mason is my name, in case you want to repay me later." he said "Mason ,huh? so is that your real plan? To blackmail me?" "No, I did it out of kindness, like most humans would do." Mason sat down and bandaged my hand. "So your name?" he asked. "Raven" I said, "My name is Raven.""That's a real pretty name." Mason answered. I felt my heart jump, I was flustered. But I remembered You can't count on humans, especially men. "I have to go now." I replied while hurrying out the door. When I looked back, he looked lonely, but that's not my business.  

When I got home, my brother rushed to give me a hug. "Thank goodness you're home! I thought they had got you again!" "I'm fine" I said. He started to notice the bruise on my face. "Are you getting bullied again?" he said "No...." I replied in hesatation. "You have, haven't you?" he said. "Ryan!" a girl exclaimed as she ran in our house. She had red hair, heavy makeup and heavy perfume. It smelled like trouble. "Ryan, It was SO hot in the car, I couldn't take it!" "Well, why didn't you roll down the windows?" he replied. "Because! I just texted my friend and she told me there was a sell somewhere for couples! We have to go! " "Um" I interrupted, "who is she?" My brother turned to me, in guilt, and explained that she was he girlfriend. This hasn't be the first one, but she was certainly more annoying than the last one. "You can order pizza!" He said while walking out of the door. Once again, I was alone.

Another day of school started, and as always , I was the topic of everyone's discussions. The rumor of the day this time was that The beautiful clique girls were harassed by the evil emo kid. And then prince charming helped the girls and live happily every after. "Who does she think she is" one girl said. "I don't even think she's human." Another kid said. "Silly rumors in the mornings? Well this is new." sarcasticly said in my thoughts. Like every other day, I was pushed down along with my books. As the culprit looked at me, I gave him my happy finger and picked up my books. In other news along with my standoff with the clique, It seems that boy Mason got his hair dyed black. "why did you dye it?" I heard on girl ask earnestly. "I meet someone who has really pretty black hair so I wanted to try it for myself" Mason replied. "Who was it?" a girl inquired. "It's a secret." Done eavesdropping on the convo, I proceeded to my locker. "Hey Raven!, do you like the hair color?'' Mason asked. ''It matches your ego nicely.'' I said