Be Not Easy

Chapter 3

The air feels thick, and my lungs struggle to carry its burden. It is quiet, my palms are slick.

"Well I'm glad you've come to join us here".

Ms. Suttles turns to my father "Now we can get more into what I came for."

She takes a gulp of her drink, her eyes roving over to where I stand. Mom doesn't move, even as Ms. Suttles switches her view to her direction. She just sits there like a glass doll, perfectly painted and immobile, starring into the wall behind me.

"Could you please explain" Dad rasps, "what this kind woman is here for, Ruth?" His voice is like sand paper, his eyes are bleak. The usual eyebrow twitching is nowhere to be seen as he slumps his shoulders forward, and twists at the ring on his finger.

"I-"

"What, she didn't tell you?" Ms. Suttles places her coffee on the coaster. She looks up at all of us, like a child who just got lost and doesn't understand a thing.

My face is frozen in place; I need to say something but my lips can't part. The lady on the couch can't seem to fathom that I need her to shut her yapper.

She ponders for a bit, her mind searching. "Ruth said something about adoption work when we met-"

I hate this woman.

"Adoption work!? What work, you say?" Mom snaps out of her trance, her eyes are fire and they burn right through me. "What the hell is she talkin' about, Ruth?" What the hell-" Her powdered face contorts in and out as her voices climbs up, and her hands are in pale fists, clenched and unmovable.

"ORPHANAGE WORK! I asked for orphanage work!! Yes, yes I did!! I asked her for work at an orphanage! I did!"

I feel those shrill words come out my mouth, but they aren't mine. Or at least they don't sound like they are. My brain races to catch up with what I just said, and instead of taking them back, I let them run on like a stampede.

Calm down. You need to calm down.

"I need community service hours!" I swing my head to Ms. Suttles. My head throbs with anticipation and my nails dig deep into my palms. "I wanted to volunteer. That's the work I need."

Ms. Suttles tilts her long face at me, and her brows go a little low. She's probably deciding whether or not she should go with my half-assed lie or break it all.

And then she says something that makes me love her.

"Oh, that's right", her mouth turns up in a light smile "Ruth did ask me something about that. You're a senior, right?" She points a manicured finger towards me. Her eyes don't give away a sliver of mischief, and for a second, I almost believe she's for real.

Dad looks at me with desperate eyes and his form looks a bit stronger. I feel the silence in the room dawdle as I hear gum-smacking behind me. Christine is still there, her fingers tapping on her arms impatiently, and she's starring at me with eyes barking "Say something, you twit".

"Yes, yes I am" I mutter.

Mom eyes are tired now, her hands lay open and empty by her side. I watch her as she bobs her little head up and down and when she finally speaks her voice sounds like watercolor paint. "Ah yes Ruth. That's right. You need service hours, that's right" A tiny smile lights her face and she looks up at me "To graduate. You need service hours." The words totter out her mouth some more and she looks to her husband.

"Well, I'm sure Ruth could better discuss this with you Ms. Suttles", his eyes never leave my mothers, "I'm sure we'd best leave you to it". He turns at the last moment to where Ms. Suttles sits and nods his head it her, and in silent words he invites my mother over to the dining room.