Tears Forever

Better Soon...Better Now

"Speedy just hasn’t been feeling to well.” “He’s been very sick, Got a bad cold or flu.” “He’ll be better soon.” “He just needs to rest.” “Speedy won’t die, you guys are so dramatic.” “We miss Speedy too.” “He’s gonna be fine…” Speedy let out a shaky breath as he closed his eyes, a stray tear running down his cheek. He clicked out of Youtube quickly, unable to watch anymore videos his best friends had uploaded. It’s been weeks. Weeks since he’s talked to them. He hadn’t had the energy to even open his eyes in the morning, and everyday he felt worse and worse. “I wish I could get better guys.” He whispered to himself, his quiet room being filled with his soft sobs. It was a cool, mid-October evening and Jahova was in a call with Sidearms, G18, Shadow and Joel. They decided to take it easy from livestreaming and recording videos and spend some time chatting and playing some Minecraft. As they talked, they all heard a very audible sigh from Sidearms, who surprisingly hadn’t said much during the already 2-hour call. “Side?” Joel questioned his younger friend with worry. “You okay?” There was silence before they heard Sidearms move around in his chair and reply. “I’m fine…I just miss Speedy, I haven’t talked to him in weeks and he wont answer his texts or calls.” The boy pouted as his Minecraft character sadly punched at some cobblestone. “We miss him too Side,” Jahova told him, a bit of annoyance lacing his voice. That’s all they seemed to talk about. How much they missed Speedy, how long it has been since he’s talked to them. He was annoyed, but also upset deep down. He was worried for his friend. “But he’s sick, we just need to give him his space to get better.” Hova punched Side’s character before the two ventured on through the world. “I know…” Trying to forget the sad topic, they continued to play Minecraft. Sidearms and G18 were running around, messing some things up and trying to work on Stark Tower, though Side had to admit it wasn’t the same without Speedy, even though he was grateful G18 was there to play and be dork with him. Shadow was trying out some redstone, as he had gotten very bored and couldn’t find anything else to do. Joel and Jahova were talking about Destiny and killing mobs through-out the night and mining through-out the day. There was a long silence, except for the giggles of Side and G every now and then, before Jahova yelled out and made everyone jump. “Hey Deluxe! The traitor decided to join us!” He laughed as Deluxe gave a small chuckle in reply. “Hey fellers.” He greeted as D20 then joined the call and the game. They joined into a coversation before Jahovas shushed them. “Hold on, someone’s calling me guys.” He reached over and grabbed his phone, answering it. “Hey Speedy!” Suddenly everything went silent on the other ends of the Skype call and there was anticipation in the air. “Huh?” “What do you-” “Okay” “T-Thank you.” Jahovas ended the call and slowly set his phone back onto his desk, staring blankly at his mic. “Hova…?” Sidearms asked cautiously as the others awaited for what he had to say about the call. Jahovas let out an odd noise, shaking his head. “Oh…oh my god.” He whispered as there was frantic typing. “Jahova?” Joel said his name. “What’s going on?” Shadow demanded their friend, all them panicking at this point. “Is Speedy okay?” Sidearms cried out, a small whimper coming from G18. Everyone held their breathe as the typing continued for a while longer, and then abruptbly ended. “It’s…” He choked out, not able to forget the words he heard in the phone call. “It’s Speedy…H-He…"He stuttered out, trying to force the harsh words up through his throat, but they didn’t want to come out. "He’s dying.” Sidearms sat on the floor in front of his parents’ living room window. He felt hollow inside, he felt cold and every breath he took came out shaky and painful, his chest and face burning from the tears that had once streaked down his now puffy face, from the harsh and loud sobs he had screamed out as he clutched to the warm embrace of his mother. “Albi…"He jumped at the soft voice of his mother who quietly sat down, sadness and worry on her face as she passed him a small cup of tea. "It’ll soothe your throat dear.” He held it in his hands, and eventually his mother got up and left him to be. He gazed out the window, the weather outside matching his mood perfectly. The sky was crying too, raindrops spattering against the glass and pavement as they tried bouncing back up to the cloudly, mono sky only to fall back down and get lost in the sea of other raindrops. He closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against the glass as he let more hot tears roll down his face. He wanted the past days, the past weeks to vanish; to change. But there was nothing he could do now. He was leaving early in the morning and flying out to where his friend, Speedy, was at. Dying in a hospital, unable to muster anymore strength to do anything. Side sputtered out a low whimper as he thought of Speedy, laying in a hospital bed, his skin pale, a ghostly, fake smile upon his face as he waited in pain for death to finally take him…The airports liveliness meant nothing anymore. The sunshine’s warming welcome to the bird-song morning was like a distant, empty memory now. Jahova, bags cluttered messily at his face, sat in a chair as he waited, trying to keep his calm as he did so. He was waiting for the rest of his friends to come. They were visiting Speedy and he rubbed his red cheeks, making sure no more tears were leaking from his eyes. Four agonizing hours later, they were all gathered in a group, sniffles and silent cries being passed between them. Jahova remembered Joel being the first to appear, how his embrace had felt so wonderful as they stood there for what seemed like ages, letting out their emotions in odd noises and silent sobs into each others shoulders. He remembered Sidearm’s being the last to join the group, how miserable he looked as he sauntered his way towards them. His face was puffy, his eyes red from crying and he remembered his heart breaking for the kid as he flung his arms around G18 who had embraced his friend into a comforting hug, noticably holding back his own tears as Side loudly cried into his shoulder. “He’s dying of cancer. He’s had it for a few months now, but it’s gotten worse.” The group of men sat in the plain, dull waiting room as the Doctor, who had called up Jahova, explained what exactly was wrong with their best friend. “Why didn’t he tell us!?” Deluxe choked out, wiping his forming tears with the back of his jacket sleeve. He looked terrible, in fact all of them looked terrible, as if they all hadn’t slept in days and were drug through bushes and mud from the back of a car. In all honesty, that night none of them had slept as they anticipated for this very day. “W-when can we see him?” Jahova asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking as he glanced at his friends, who immediately looked up for an answer. The Doctor glanced at his clipboard, blinking his sullen, dark-circled eyes. “You can visit him now if you’d like, but only two or three at a time.” He replied, nodding before walking away and leaving them to sit in silence again. Finally Jahova spoke up, getting to his feet, which as heavy as his eyelids. “I’ll visit him first….anyone want to join me?” Joel stood up, and with one sorrowful glance at the others, the duo made their way down the hallway and towards Speedy’s hospital room. Jahovas quickly stopped in front of the white door, his hands, his legs, his entire body shaking as he stared doubtfully as the door-knob. “I don’t think I can do this Joel.” He rasped out, biting his lip and shaking his head. Joel grasped his thick wrist, making Hova look him in the eyes. “I know it’s hard, but…but don’t you want to say goodbye? Laugh with him before, before he leaves?” Joel let go of his wrist as they stood there, pain and sorrow clawing at them as each second ticked by. “Come on.” Hova whispered as he slowly opened the door. It creaked and he winced at the loud noise. The two shuffled in and Jahova gave a high gasp, feeling his emotions overwhelm him again as he laid his eyes on the body laying motionless on the stark white bed. Joel pushed him to the chairs awaiting them and he plopped down quickly grasping the arms and letting out loud, steady breaths. Joel patted his back as he gazed over at Speedy. He was thin and pale. Dark circles loomed underneath his squinted, sunken blue eyes as he stared back at him. Joel whimpered out at the emotion in his eyes and he looked away. There were IVs stuck into his arms and he seemed so…small. So small and fragile as he laid in the bed, the only sound being the occasional beep from the machines and Jahova’s now calming breathing. Cold. So cold. Jahovas clasped both his large hands around Speedy’s, who were terribly cold and pale. His fingers twitched a little as Jahova scooted his chair a little closer to the bed, Joel watching quietly as Jahova began to speak. “Speedy…"He breathed out, shaking his head slowly as he rested his forehead on the man’s thin arm. "I-I’m glad t-to see….you Hova…beans.” Speedy’s voice was almost inadible and he had to strain to hear what he was saying. He was so weak, so weak and tired from fighting that even speaking, opening his eyes and even breathing were becoming a challenge for him. Jahovas smiled, letting out a sad laugh as he tightened his grip on his hands. “God damn, I’m so glad to see you too….but not like this pal.” He sighed as Speedy managed to lift the side of his lips into a ghostly smile. “I’m….sorry.” He croaked out, a tear rolling down his face as he saw the pain etched on the line’s on Hova’s face. “You better be you fuck.” Their eyes met as Jahova removed one of his hands and wiped the stray tears from his hollowed out face. “But i’m sorry too. But it’ll be okay.” Jahovas sat with Speedy for a long while before he allowed Joel to have his time with his friend, ending up crying for 10 minutes before he got up and left the room. Jahova stood, Speedy’s eyes following his movements as he cleared his throat. “I’ll have some of the others come in and….and see you.” He murmured as he set down a small card on the table and quickly stumbled out into the hall, letting his cries burst from his chest as he crumpled to the floor. Next to visit the deathbed was Shadow and Legiqn. Shadow took off his hat, setting it on his lap as he looked at Speedy, who looked at him back. He grabbed his friends hand, his heart sinking as he felt the cold skin connect with his own, warm ones. “Y-your hands are freezing, Speedy.” He whispered, his voice cracking as he pursed his lips. “I haven’t….noticed.” Speedy let out a faint laugh before he started to cough. Shudders and spasms manipulated his weak body before he finally calmed down, panting and sweat beading along his forehead. Utter horror and sorrow pooled Shadow’s emerald eyes as he leaned in and hugged Speedy, who slowly lifted his arms to hug him back even though doing so sent more pain ripping through his body. The two didn’t notice until now that Legiqn was quietly sobbing, his hands covering his face as he watched the moment happen between his friends. “J-Jordan…"Speedy mumbled out as Shadow sat back down, wiping tears away from his warming face. Legiqn lifted his heavy head, his hair sticking out in every place as he sniffed and wiped his eyes and nose. "You look so bad, Speedy.” He cried out, unable to keep his words from flowing out of his dry mouth. “Why didn’t you ever tell us? Damn, it hurts to sit here and see you like this. It’s-” He stopped himself before he could go any farther and burst out into more tears. Speedy frowned, guilt overcoming him like a tsumani. Why didn’t he tell his friends that he was dying? Why did he let them suffer? Why? He let out a few wrenching sobs as Shadow got Legiqn to his feet and escorted him out of the room. Deluxe 4 and Deluxe 20 sat close together at Speedy’s side. D20 closed his eyes, head leaning against D4’s shoulder as he listening to the beeping machines. Deluxe was absent-mindingly chewing on his lip as Speedy reached out. He took his hand, shivering against his touch as he gently rubbed circles on the top of his hand. “We miss you buddy.” Deluxe forced his words out, his voice unstable and heavy as he scanned his friends frail body. Speedy let out a soft sigh that was so tired, so done. “Don’t cry, Deluxe.” He said hoarsely, the guilt becoming his only numbing feeling as he talked to each of his friends and saw their tears, their broken images before his watery eyes. “I’m…s-sorry.” He choked out as he started to shake from the tears that began streaming down his face. Unlike the others, everyday he cried, ever since he found out. His hands shoke and Delxue tried to stable them as he wrapped his other arm around D20 who began to cry into his arm. “It’s not your fault, Speedy.” Deluxe whispered as his grip on the others hand loosened and their hands drifted away from each other. “T-things like this happen, r-right?” He gazed across at the blank wall, D20 clutching onto him as Speedy murmured a few, painful, words to him in the heavy silence. “Yes, but this shouldn’t have happened to us…to you!” D20 cried out in agony. The last of the friends to visit Speedy were G18 and Sidearms. G had his arm wrapped supportively around his younger friends waist as he lead him into the room, the air filled with lingering, earlier emotions. Side practically fell into the chair in front of Speedy, G18 sitting down beside him. Speedy turned his head to gaze at his friends, watching as G18 passed Sidearms another tissue, dropping his first one carelessly onto the floor and bring the fresh one to his eyes that wouldn’t meet his own. “Sidearms…"He whispered softly. The boy sniffled, giving a small whimper before he scooted closer. "Y-You look so tired Speedy.” He cried out as he quickly grasped his hand with both of his own, holding onto him like a young child who was going to loose his mother. In fact, the situation was almost exactly like that. “Shh.” Speedy murmured as he relaxed a little, wishing he could wipe the sadness off his friends face. They sat in silence, Sidearms quietly blubbering nonsense. “M-me and G18 finished the-the Stark Tower.” He said as his tears managed to subside a little. G18 gave a faint smile beside him, and Speedy couldn’t help but muster up a smile as well. “I bet it looks amazing, Sidearms.” He rasped as Side dryly chuckled. “We also got Shadow a cat on the server too.” G18 said softly as they continued to talk about Minecraft and what they had been up to on there recently. Sidearms has started up another crying fit and G18 thought it best that they leave. He got Side to his feet and ushered him towards the door, but before he could walk out, Speedy called to him. He looked at him before slowly walking back over, heart pounding in his chest. He remembered last night, how much he had cried and the plane ride, how much he had cried then as well. Speedy looked worse than he could ever imagine, and it tore him up inside, he felt like sharp needles were pierced through his heart as he saw the pain in his eyes as his chest rose and fell. He almost burst into tears as he spoke like a father to Side and smiled to them. Oh how he was going to miss his smile, his voice….“Y-yea?” He stuttered out as he stood at his bedside. “Please….please take care of him for me.” Speedy gasped out tiredly, looking like he could pass out any second now. “I’ll try-” “No.” Speedy interrupted him, shaking his head. “Take care of him, G. He needs you.” “We need you.” The two sighed and G18 looked out into the hall, watching as Side slid down the wall, face covered by his tear-covered hands as he waited for G18 to come out of the hospital room. “He’s too young.” Speedy spoke again, closing his eyes and folding his hands on his chest. “You’re young too.” G replied. “G! I know this is hard, and you’re trying to…..to be strong. T-That’s good.” Speedy had another spasm of coughing before he started talking again. “Make me a promise, G. Take care of him and the others f-for me.” He shivered and mumbled out, turning paler with each word. G18 hesitated. “I promise.” The 8 men were now all together again, more distraught and broken then before they had went in and talked to Speedy. It was late and Shadow, Legiqn, and the Deluxes were the first to leave and go to their Hotel rooms for the night. Then Joel left, and then G18 and Sidearms, leaving Jahovas to stand out in the cold night, thinking. They were coming back in the morning, but he knew that Speedy couldn’t hold on much longer, and he feared he might pass before he could say good-bye. Taking a couple deep breaths, he walked to his car and left the hospital. The next morning was dull and lifeless again, even though the sun hung brightly in the sky without a cloud in sight. G18 was sitting cross-legged behind Sidearms on their hotel bed, rubbing his shoulders as they prepared for the day, just like all the others who were lumbering sadly out of their beds too. “I don’t want to get dressed.” Side muttered bitterly as he blankly stared at the television set in front of him. “Then don’t.” G18 replied before it turned to utter silence again. They foudn themselves in a group again, sitting in the waiting room at 10 in the morning. The Deluxe’s and Legiqn had followed the same path as Side and were still in their comfortable pajamas as well. They all sat there, not speaking at all, but they all knew what they day held for them. Soon enough, despite the Doctor’s requests and orders, they all crammed into the Hospital room, surrounding Speedy as he blinked his exhausted eyes. Jahova sat in front of him, beside him was G18, then Side, D20, D4, Joel, Shadow, and finally Legiqn at the other end. “Did you sleep well?” Jahovas was the first to speak, his voice scratchy as he spoke for the first time that day. “I s-suppose.” Speedy replied calmly, staring out the window. “Restless, like every night.” He would never admit to them that he barely slept because of his nightmares and pain, but they probably already had a clue. He continued to talk. “Deluxe….I watched…watched your stream the other night.” Deluxe tensed up a little as Speedy talked slowly about it. “K-keep streaming…you’re so-so good at it feller.” He hummed as Deluxe nodded, shakily laughing. “Will do, feller.” They talked about a few things every now and then, and Speedy, at that moment felt more alive than he had for months. Being with his closest of friends made him want to cry again, made him want to get up and laugh and hug them. But he knew it was too late for that. He gave a soft sigh after a long while of silence. “Can-c-can someone play that one song…for me…please?” He was breathless now, beads of sweat appearing on his face once again as he forced himself to make the words come out of his tired body. Shadow quickly grabbed a hold of D20’s phone, who had it sitting on his leg, and opened up Youtube, searching up the song and playing it. He remembered Speedy telling him about it one day, how he said it made him smile. The music filled the room now, blotting out the sniffles, breathing and beeps as it played and Speedy smiled. It grew bigger and bigger, and now he was smiling more than he had in weeks, in months. In what seemed like eternity. He relaxed his body, feeling warm again, feeling comfortable as his eyes slowly closed as he let the music lull him into a familiar, wonderful numbness. “You guys…are…amazing-amazing…..friends. T-t-thank-you.” He breathed out his last breath, his final words as he sunk deeper into the darkness. He smiled happily, pain escaping his body. The music became faint and soon enough, he was gone. Not so long after, his eyes fluttered open. There was sunshine, so warm and soft against his skin. He closed his eyes, smiling. How he missed the sunshine. He walked forward, the feeling of being able to move without pain sent overwhelming joy rushing through his body and he surged forward, laughing loudly as he let all his emotions out into the sky, tears streaming down his face. It was over. A long sequence of noise bleated from the machines as Speedy spoke his words, relaxed and closed his eyes to never open them again. All the 8 men sat in complete shock and disbelief as they looked at their friend who lay motionless….lifeless on the bed, a content smile on his face as if he were just sleeping. Suddenly Sidearms choked out an awful, heart-wrenching sound and got to his feet, stumbling forward and grabbing Speedy’s shirt, burying his face into his still chest and crying out to him. No one pulled him away, no one stopped him. They sat listening in understanding and soon enough they all were all in tears, mourning over their loss of their dearest, kindest friend. Forced out, they all left. Without any other words to each other the 8 men parted ways, headed home as soon as they can, their faces stained and puffy. G18, remembering the promise he had made with his now deceased friend, flew Sidearms back to his house so he could keep an eye on him, take care of him; comfort him. Nothing was ever the same after that fateful October morning. Nothing was as happy, nothing was exciting or incredible. Everything was slow and sad. They all deleted their Youtube accounts, unable to continue without Speedy there to play games and record videos with them. Sidearms ended up moving in with G18, unable to take care of himself and becoming almost as depressed as all the others. They all still talked, D4 and D20 even came to visit G18 and Sidearms often to try and lighten their moods on certain days. Jahova sat on his front porch, watching the neighborhood kids run around, laughing and messing around in their yards. For the first time in weeks and days, he smiled to himself. Smiled about the good times he had had, smiled about what could happen in the future. He closed his eyes and let out a small sigh as he listened to the calming song of the small birds, all perched together in the cherry blossom trees. And everything seemed to be alright. The Doctor stood in the room Speedy once occupied, the air lighter now as the emotions were slowly being washed away over time. He was about to leave as he noticed something; a small card sitting on the bedside table that his family must’ve not seen. He walked over and picked it up gingerly, opening it. He gave a sorrowful smile as he read it and then placed it into his pocket before he exited the room to continue his day of work like always, but with a certain feeling resting in the bottom of his heart.

Dear Speedy, you are fantastic, amazing, hilarious, loyal, friendly, dorky, strong and cool. We will miss you, but we know that you’ll be happier when you leave us. We love you a lot, Good-bye dear friend. We’ll all see you again one day. Sincerley, Jahova, Sidearms, G18, Shadow, D4, D20, Legiqn and Joel, your crazy friends.