Reminisce

Untitled Part 1

I hate home. I waited for eighteen years for this kind of day to come, the day when everything will not ruin my steps. Too bad, I almost forget that the bond was too tight. No, I didn't hate him. I didn't hate him for hit me every time he feels desperate. I didn't hate him for slapping me in front of my friends when I was eleven. I didn't hate him for shouting my brother until he turned gray. I didn't hate him for every tears came out from my mom's eyes. For God shake, how can I didn't hate him.

The scream from my bedside clock shocked me out. It told me it was seven. I thought that I was late but thanks God it's Sunday. I started to get back to the dreamland when my phone ringing. It was my remainder.

Yes, I know it. I have to circle in my calendar. It's his 50 years birthday. It means that he has spent half of his years with my mother. He was twenty five when he married and twenty seven when my older sister breathed for the first time. I don't know much about my older sister, Elaine. She died before I was born. I don't know much about her. I don't want to ask either. We never celebrate anything when his birthday comes. Never. He hated every celebration and probably hated us too.

I shut my phone off and left it on the unfold blanket. It was still early to have a shower. I got up from my bed and prepared myself to make breakfast, a glass of chocolate milk and pancake. I made my way down the stairs to the kitchen with my messy hair and a half-awake eyes. I reached out a bottle of milk and pulled it out. Crap! It spilled all over my pink bunny pajamas. A big chocolate circle was painted perfectly on the face of the bunny. Finally, I went to shower. I finally made my way into the shower.

. I felt cold even the water heater works well. I put on my sweater and short pants. I went back to the kitchen to clear all the mess I've made. After mopping the floor and throwing the bottle, I continue to make my breakfast.

"Smells good." I pour a spoon of honey on the top of my pancake. It looks perfect.

I remembered Daniel always put 3 spoon of ice cream on his pancake, it's his favorite. My mom prefer to have a plain pancake. Is there anything I didn't mention? Oh yes, him. I don't know his favorite. I didn't know him well. We hadn't seen each other much since he left for his work. He didn't talk much when he did manage to go back home. I even can't remember the last time I talked to him.

I lost his figure since long time ago. I mean literally 'lost'. It was not disappear. It was just a blurry image that you can't even recognize. I tried to catch every steps he left behind, but he was too fast running ahead. He supposed to protect me when I'm scare of the thunder sound or teach me how to stand when people bring me down. I didn't define by who I was born or who I choose to become. It was just happen. Well, I know it was not an accident.

For all my life, I never talk much with him. I never even say 'Happy Birthday' to him. We just like the strangers in the well-known place. Maybe I was wrong not to try at all. Maybe I was wrong not to care with him when he didn't care with me. Maybe I was wrong not to take a step ahead. Maybe I was wrong and I wouldn't be so long in this wrong situation. I would try.

I finished my breakfast and went back to my bedroom. I was going to sleep again when my eyes caught something on the top of the wardrobe. It was a photo album. I never open it since Daniel brought it to me years ago. It was a picture of my family, with him included also. I went to the next page and dropped something on the floor. It was a picture of a baby girl. Was that Elaine? Wait a second, there was a necklace named Evangeline on her neck. It was me. I was beautiful. This is the first time I looked at my childhood's picture.

I reverse the picture to put it back to its place, but I discover the words written behind the picture. Rest In Peace, Evangeline Catherina, 27 September.

27 September? It was today.

My body was shaking. Did I?

"Oh God, I'm going home."

END.