Innocently In Love (-A David Henrie FanFiction)

Chapter Four

I run. I run like my life depends on it, past the quite and busy streets I followed to get here. Jen. Whats she going to think of me after that?. I can tell her. A voice explains inside my head. No. I push the thought away.

I look back hoping to see David but don't. Your never going to see him again. That same voice tells me. I want him. But he doesn't want me. He has Shelly, and all his other friends.

I spot the apartment building. I run through the front doors, slamming my shoulder into the corner.

"Is everything alright Mrs?" An indian cleaning lady asks.

"Its fine." I shriek gasping for air. I feel for my shoulder, convinced it is no longer there. I see the stairs and sprint for them. I run up to the third floor and push open the door slowing down as I pass a family with two small children.

I get to my door and open my purse to get my keys. My hands shake as i try to fit the key into the keyhole. I unlock the door and storm inside. I lock the door and fall behind it, sobbing. Mom. I whisper.

I run to my home phone and dial my moms number. I hear the phone ring. Answering machine pops up.

"No no no no Mom you have to answer the phone." I say in denial.

"He did it again." I sniffle.

"He's going to show up here!" I scream.

"Please. Please please." I stutter.

"Pick up the god damn phone!" I yell hanging up on her. I put my hands on my head taking consideration into what I'm about to do.

I pull down my pants revealing the self-harm scars on my thighs. I pull my pants off and throw them into the corner. I walk into the bathroom trying to convince myself its going to be ok. I glance at myself in the mirror. Hideous. I hiss. I start the bath.

I wash my hands in the oncoming water and walk into the kitchen. I open up the drawer. I spot a small razor blade i keep incase of emergencies. This is an emergency. I tell myself.

I hold it in my hand and walk into the bathroom. I put it on the counter and stop the water. I take off my shirt and am left just in my undergarments. I look in the mirror clearing a part of it of fog from the warmness of the water.

Why would anyone want to have this. All I am is a worthless bitch who thought she had a chance with a guy so out of her league. I look at the razor and pick it up putting my feet in the tub. I sit down and look around. I close my eyes and just sit there.

I wait two minutes then i clench the razor in my hand and envision what I'm about to do making a hand motion to match what I've planned. I put it on my thigh and make a small scratch I would soon use as a dotted line, feeling the taste of something I've longed for.

I dig in. I watch as i cut through the line and blood gushes out of the half complete incision that has just appeared on my thigh. I stop and watch the blood run down my leg feeling the rush. I let out a cry and hear a knocking at the door.

"Lily? You there? I was worried about you." I hear Jen yell from the front door. I ignore it and dip my thigh into the water watching the colour change to a light orange. I examine my gash more closely and more blood appears. I keep going.

I feel it. Im done. I sit back and close my eyes dipping my thigh in water until the blood stops. I think about what ive just done and whip the razor, still covered in blood across the white bathroom floor tiles leaving a trail as to where it falls.

I stand up and look at myself in the mirror but this time look more ugly. My hair is everywhere, big puffy red eyes, half wet half dry. I take off what's left of my clothing, trying hard not to get blood on my i love new york panties. I look again in the mirror but this time at my shoulder. A bruise.