Diva Boo | VerKwan

VIII - "Good enough"

   Time had passed since Seungkwan and Hansol came to the agreement of being friends with benefits. They wouldn't just use each other for their sexual needs, but they would also use each other for comfort like normal friends. Except they weren't, and things usually led to much more. Which of course, Hansol didn't mind.

Lately, Hansol is very convinced he's in heaven. One does not simply get lucky in having the chance to have a sexual relationship with the one you like. It just doesn't happen. Only in novels that his little sister likes. Except without the sexual tension part.

Anyway, that was exactly what was happening. No one was home, so they met up at Hansol's house. The plans were pure at first, as they were just watching a movie after helping each other with homework. But while a kissing scene began to play in the movie, and Seungkwan said something about how hot lip biting is, so Hansol got tempted. And one thing led to another, and they were touching each other.

No matter how many times they do this, even if it gets to the point when they're just about to, they never have sex. It was clear to both that Hansol was top. Seungkwan was just too easy to dominate over.

But a part of Seungkwan refused to give his ass cherry to Hansol. Not because their was something wrong with Hansol, not at all. It was just the fact that, Seungkwan felt that if he gave his ass cherry away, it'd make him less of a man.

Lately, it has been something he has been thinking about for awhile now. He just can't help but think this way. He would even consider topping, but something about it definitely didn't feel right. To top a girl, that was natural. But to top another man, even Seungkwan knew he wouldn't be able to do so. He personally sees himself as a bottom, and that scared the poop out of him.

   Seungkwan may act feminine sometimes but he did have pride. He thoughts about all the BL mangas he read, and how the bottoms gave way their virginities so easily. It just wasn't right. Seungkwan just took it personal now, and always thought about how it isn't that easy.

   So when Hansol started touching down there, Seungkwan pushed him away. "We should stop here," the usually loud boy said so timidly, even Hansol pitied him. The American understood so he backed away, glancing at Seungkwan to see if he was okay. It didn't take a genius to realize that it was hard for the diva to even think about losing his man cherry.

"Thanks Hansol, means a lot that you're patient with me." The younger wanted to give Seungkwan some corny speech about how he would go to the moon and back for him, but soon decided to just stay mute, and pat Seungkwan's head instead. He didn't want to let Seungkwan know that he was the corny type. He rather keep it low key.

   Hansol has also been going through a lot. Not as much as Seungkwan, but he was definitely stressing out. He didn't seem to know when to confess to Seungkwan. He didn't know if he straight out said it or did so in a serious private way. He didn't know if he could just say he likes him, or if he had to be formal about that too?

   They were currently just sitting on the couch, Hansol's arm lazily wrapped around Seungkwan. While the movie was still playing, he was spacing out. Seungkwan was trying to watch the movie, but when he turned to face Hansol, he couldn't help but want to make a comment on it. Hansol looked so out of it, the older felt like it was his fault.

"Earth to Hansol!" The diva shouted, snapping his fingers rudely in front of Hansol's face. Hansol snapped out of it, turning to face Seungkwan with an alerted expression. "What? Something happen?" Seungkwan just shook his head, maintaining eye contact. He didn't really want to push Hansol into telling him what he was thinking, but Seungkwan really wanted to know. His curiosity was increasing by the second and he couldn't help it. He bit his bottom lip in attempt not to say anything, but when the boy began going back to zoning out mode, it crossed the line with the boy.

"Hey Hansol? What are ya thinking about?" Hansol immediately turned his head to face Seungkwan once more, but this time totally scared shitless. In all honesty, Hansol was getting ready to bolt up and run away. He was currently crossing his fingers Seungkwan didn't know about his feelings.

"Um, nothing really." He was desperately trying to play it cool, but it wasn't working out. His palms were getting sweaty and he was afraid he might begin to stutter. If he began stuttering it would be the end of him. Then Seungkwan really would know something was up.

"Yah! Why are you lying for? You seem so concentrated on it and everything." Hansol just shook his head, turning his head to face the television screen and trying to make sense out of the movie. It wasn't working but the reason was clearly obvious, so he didn't dare complain. He began tapping his foot in an unmatched beat, but it seemed to be calming him down. So he kept doing it.

Meanwhile Hansol was trying to calm down Seungkwan was starting to think he was a problem to Hansol. He wanted to say something but was scared he'd just make thing worst. So he clenched his fist and took in a deep breath. "Is it because we don't have sex?" This time, Hansol didn't even bother to turn to face him. "Of course not," was all Hansol replied. Seungkwan wasn't buying it though, so he cupped Hansol's face and made him face him. "If you're that interested in the movie you can just borrow it and take it home. But right now I need you to talk to me." Hansol nodded, finally getting that Seungkwan was really blaming himself for something that wasn't serious, something that wasn't even it.

"You seemed so out of it when we started watching the movie, so I thought that you were just thinking about something. But every time we stop talking you just zone out, and I'm starting to wonder if it's because we don't have sex and just touch." Hansol just wanted to interrupt Seungkwan and tell him that that wasn't it at all. But he kept quite and waited until Seungkwan was done.

"It's not because we don't have sex. Even if I would like to, you're not ready, and that's perfectly fine. It's something else. Don't sweat it." Seungkwan sighed out of relief, happy he wasn't a problem. But he was still curious. "Just tell me." Seungkwan said it so straightforward that Hansol was almost positive he was just playing mind games to get him to tell him that he likes him. "Tell you what?" Hansol wanted to smack himself. His voice had just cracked at the end, showing he was nervous.

"Tell me what's been on your mind." Hansol quickly shook his head, clearly desperate to avoid the topic. "Does it have to do with me?" Seungkwan asked, in a playful, sing-song tone. "Nope. Not doing it" Seungkwan frowned and playfully hit Hansol. "Just tell me!" Hansol shook his head then saying, "No, just drop it." By saying this Seungkwan just wanted to know even more.

"Tell me!"

"No!"

"Just tell me!"

"No!"

"Please just tell me!"

   "I like you, okay?!" The sudden confession took both by surprise. Oddly enough Hansol felt relieved. He took a deep breath. "I like you a lot Seungkwan, so please go out with me." This time, Hansol confessed, possessing confidence this time. Seungkwan's eyes looked like they were going to come out of his head. "What?" Seungkwan didn't really expect to hear a confession. Honestly, Seungkwan was stressing out. Did this mean they couldn't be friends with benefits anymore? Suengkwan couldn't lead Hansol on, so he had to break it off.

"Hansol I think we should stop this then." Hansol looked at Seungkwan, furrowing his eyebrows. "Seriously? Am I not good enough for you?" Hansol asked, sort of pissed off. "No, that's not it at-" "You know what Seungkwan, I get it. I'll be going now." So Hansol got up and left. Little did Seungkwan see the tears in the boy's eyes.

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Edited October 30th, 2016