Teach Me How to Love Again (Sequel to Dirty Little Secret)

Chapter 85: Try to Love Me, and I'll Try to Save You

*~(The title of this chapter is from Lovely by Twenty One Pilots.)~*

*~(I know I've been gone for ages, so I decided I should give you guys an extra long update to make up for it. I'm sorry!)~*

"Skylar?" Gerard asked. I sighed as he didn't use my nickname.

"Yes, Gerard?"

"You know I love you, right?"

"Yes."

"Good. I just... I don't want you to think I don't love you because I'm distancing myself. I'm only doing this because I love you."

I huffed slightly. "I know."

"It's just, when I look at you, I see this young, gorgeous girl who deserves happiness. I see a girl who deserves the world. When I look at myself, I see a pathetic fuck who can't give any of that to you. You've been through so much, you deserve to be happy for the rest of your life. Whenever I start to make you happy, I do something to fuck it up. You deserve everything, and I give you nothing."

"Everybody fucks up sometimes. It's okay."

"But nobody fucks up as much as I do."

I groaned and sat up, then I straddled his waist. I grabbed his face and moved his head so he was looking at me.

"Baby, please stop this. We love each other. Distancing yourself from me can't be good for either one of us. I love you. Don't deprive yourself of that."

"Skylar, I can't. I think I need more therapy before I can love you right. Don't get me wrong here; I'm very in love with you, and I love you more than anything. However, I don't think I'll be able to express it properly for long periods of time until I go through a lot more therapy. It's not that I stopped loving you. I'll never love you any less. I just... I'm terrible at commitment. I've never committed to anyone. I run from my problems, and I fuck up relationships. It's what I do. I really don't want to hurt you."

"You do perfectly fine at expressing your love for me. You make me feel very loved. You show it through the way you kiss me, and the way you always want to cuddle. You show it through your sappy little speeches, and all the random compliments. I've always been a very self-conscious, insecure girl, but you take that, and you somehow manage to make me feel beautiful and loved every day. I don't wear make-up, because I know you'll love me no matter what. You can get more therapy when we get back from vacation, but you do a perfect job of showing me you love me. Can we please just go back to normal? I already miss being able to kiss and snuggle with you," I said, then I flashed him my best pout.

"You know I can't resist kissing you when you do that little pouty thing," he murmured before he leaned upwards and kissed me softly.

"I know. That's why I did it," I giggled after we pulled away.

"This would be so much easier if you weren't so damn cute."

I giggled, then I scooted upwards so I could kiss his forehead while still straddling him.

"Can we please go back to normal now? We're on our first vacation together. It's supposed to be romantic. It's supposed to be our escape from all the stress we have going on in California with Mrs. Watson and all that shit. It's not supposed to cause more stress," I pleaded, before I pouted again.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Aren't you mad at me? Do you even remember what I did at the bar?"

I sighed. "Yes, of course I remember. But, do you know what? I forgive you. You're getting sober, babe. Of course you're gonna slip up sometimes. I know getting over years of bad habits isn't easy. Hell, Frank's been trying to quit smoking since we were sixteen. But, nobody gets over an addiction they've had for so long without having an occasional slip-up. I mean, yeah, it hurt to see you kissing another woman, but I know it was the alcohol's doing. I know you're gonna slip-up sometimes, but I guess that's part of getting better, and I can accept that."