Storm and Silence (FANFIC)

22. Unfortunate Setback.

"You...?" I waited in bated breath, hand pressed against the door.

"I..." He faltered again. What was going on!?

"Are you alright sir?"

"Yes." There was a shuffling of papers and then a somewhat long pause where I heard... Sniffling? Was he crying? Or was there a stench about that I didn't know of? I sniffed the air and smelled nothing. Huh. Must have been my imagination. Then what..?

"Sir? Are you still there?"

"Indeed."

"And your answer?"

"To?" I heaved an exasperated sigh. There was absolutely nothing wrong with this devil.

"To the little faltering. You said that you couldn't sack me because...?"

"Ah, yes. I cannot sack you because I pay for your life."

"You what?!"

"I pay for you to live. Of course, if you die in my hands, I'd have nothing to cough up so all would be well."

That bloody..!

"Is that so?"

"Indeed. With the addition of you dying and I not having to pay for your funeral, a weight would be lifted off of me."

Silence. I removed my hand from the door, and began to stare at the door. So, this is what he wanted to have happen was it? And I was a burden on him?

"Am I really that worthless?" I asked hesitantly.

"What?"

"You said that if I die... A weight would be lifted off of you. That you wouldn't.. wouldn't have to pay for my ceremony of death. That you wouldn't have to worry about me anymore."

"Indeed I did. What are you getting at?"

"The fact that you think I am worth nothing. The fact that you think that I am just some old toy to be played around with and then tossed into the rubbish, never to be seen again. Am I not good enough? Have I not done well for you?" Word after word tumbled out of my mouth, and my heart started constricting a lump forming in my throat. I could cry if I wanted to, the advantage would be that he wouldn't be able to see me, lest he opened the door. But the disadvantage would be that my voice would be broken, and I did not want that.

"I said no such thing."

"Of course you didn't. You didn't have to say it. Sometimes you don't need to say the exact words to someone, just an implication and see if they understand. And I do now." I swallowed and continued. "I can't believe I went after you two years ago. I can't believe this is how my life would end up. I guess I'm sorry for the way my life turned out. I'm sorry for every smile I shot your direction, whether sarcastic or not. If you really want to get rid of me, then go ahead. Release your hold, because I know my worth. It's nothing. I never win. It seems that... That you want the best. I'm sorry, but that clearly is not me. Who I am now, a worthless feminist, is all I can be. And as soon as you sack me, I can continue being that person. A worthless feminist." I paused. "It has a nice ring to it, do you not agree?"

Silence. Absolute silence. Half of me wondered if he'd quietly left as I was talking. Another half wondered if he was contemplating what I just said. It shouldn't be a big deal! It's just a simple sentence. Just one simple sentence, four words in all, hardly much of breath and time lost from saying it.

But he said nothing for a while. And what a long while it was. Part of me wondered if he was even there at all. Another part of me didn't care. A third part of me wanted to cry. And yet another part of me wanted to be made like old and walk the plank.