Closer (Camren)

Chapter 13

Lauren's POV

I hate English, it drags. I have been in class for nearly the whole hour but it feels like 3 hours. To be honest, I'd rather be anywhere but here. Luckily, I have French next and I'm partnered up with Camila - she makes the lesson ten times better.

Ever since the kiss I can't stop thinking about everything about Camila. Her lips, her smile, her body, her laugh, her everything. I lie awake at night imagining me and her being together and being able to call her mine. That's all I ask. I ask for Camila to be mine... Well, I'm going to ask. It's risky and I can't believe I'm actually going to risk my friendship. I don't want to be with anyone else, it's Camila, it always has been and always will be.

As I was thinking about Camila, the last 5 minutes of the lesson ended and I was on my way to French. Now the nerves started to kick in because whether Camila wanted to talk about the kiss or not, we are talking about it. I can't sit at home anymore wondering whether this is going any further. I just need to know if it means something or not... Even if it doesn't mean anything to her, then at least I'm not pretending that it ever did mean anything to her.

"Hey", I say sitting next to Camila.
"Hiya, you alright?", she asks
I just nodded as a response because I was thinking about how I can bring it up. This went smoother in my head, I did rehearse what I was going to say but it's all disappeared from my mind. Fuck it I thought.

"We need to talk", I said quickly then looking down at my book.
"About the kiss?", she asked nervously.
"Um, yeah... Is that ok? Well, I mean it's going to have to be. I need to know what's happening and what you feel", I exclaimed.
"Look Lauren, I don't know. I've been spending this time thinking about what I want. I've never wanted someone so much before, I want you Lauren", by this time I was smiling, "Well, I mean once your lips left mine, I wanted you to put them back. What does that mean? It feels so wrong to want you but it also feels wrong to ignore the feeling I feel when I'm with you. You're all I've been thinking about Lauren.. Not Austin - you", she sighs.

I just smile because I don't actually know what to say but I also feel like she's going to add a 'but' when she's taken a breathe from speaking so fast.

"But, I'm scared. I have a boyfriend and I'm scared... I don't want people to know that I have feelings for you Lauren. I know that sounds selfish but you know how hard it is", she finishes.

"Camila, I want to be with you. I want you to be my girl friend", I said and her head shot up in shock.
"Really?", she whispers.
"I can't be just your friend", I sadly say.
"What? Why?", she worriedly asks.
"I can't be friends with someone I'm in love with", I sigh.
"Ok... But I wouldn't be okay with people knowing. I'm sorry", she admits.
"I'd secretly date you just to be with you. I'd do anything", I reply sounding desperate.

She looked me straight in the eyes and I looked back in her eyes. We just sat there looking at each other for a while. There was silence, it wasn't awkward... It was comfortable.

Our eyes met and it was like the first time we've ever stared into each other's eyes.

"Yes", she quickly says with a smile.

I just looked at her with a look that says 'what are you talking about'.

"Yes, I'll be your 'secret' girlfriend.", she hugs me and my heart beats so fast.

"Are you serious?", I ask blushing.

"I can't be just friends with you either... I want to be with you too much", she smiles.