ALWAYS (Pantote)

what does your skin say about who you are? do you have scars with memories attached to them, as if they were filing cabinets. do you have tattoos that tell different moments in your life you wanted to think of forever? do you have piercings of your wilder days? what does your skin say about you? about the life you have lived, the things you have seen, your heartbreaks, and the person you once were. 

i have all of the above, and a lot of them, and to each i have attached moments, seconds, in my life that have past but will never be forgotten. i have a scar on my navel, of where a belly ring used to be, and i remember being in the tattoo parlor and having a person who was one of the closest to me at that time hold my hand as the giant needle was stuck into my skin to forever change it. i remember giving them my money and regretting it, but i also remember seeing the tiny bar bell dangle from my navel and falling in love almost instantly. it is a bitter sweet memory... the person that went with me meant the world and then some. you don't ever stop loving someone, and this person was almost a sister to me. but life would make it that we no longer where to be in each others lives. that's what fate had planned, and who are we to challenge fate? 

I have a scar behind my elbow in the shape of a "V" it is from a burn i got from a cookie pan back in middle school. i was messing around and sadly bumped into someone who was pulling their cookies out of the oven in my home economics class. the scar never left me it's been 13 years now... that has to be my favorite scar...

I have a decent amount of tattoos and with time the count will only increase... they are my bookmarks. they tell my life story in their own way, and if you pay enough attention you can read what they say, my first tattoo was a deathly hallows. i had always been a fan. but not as big of a fan not big enough to get a tattoo, but my life is run on impulse. so i walked in to the tattoo parlor and walked out with ink running through my veins... i remember going home and from that moment I immersed my self in all things potter and i knew i would never regret my tattoo. and till this day it is one of my favorites.. i am the proudest i could ever be. and i love that everyone can see it. and now it's an easy way to spot other potter heads...

i live my life on straight impulses. should i get a tattoo, should i get a piercing? should i call out of work? should i go out? i don't think these things for more then 5 minutes. if i do they will never get done. never. i am an over-thinker i really am. so i simply choose to not think and in the end things always work out. 

out of impulse i left my hometown and moved 9 hours away. i barely see my family, which oddly enough is okay to me, i was miserable when i lived with them.i am more at peace with myself. and peace is all that matters. family is good but if they stress you out, don't bother trying to make them happy you'll never make everyone happy. I've learned. it sucks but it is probably one of the truest things i know. another very true quote I've been told is "all ends well, and if things are not well. then simply it isn't the end.." and i live by those words.. I see life as a up hill climb. and i'm trying not to quit. no matter how difficult it might become i won't quit. 

my skin is an open book. it tells you about my happiness, my sadness, my stupidity, my heartbreak, and just how much i can love. it speaks louder and more clearer than what my words could ever say. it's mind blowing. you go by your whole life and you think little to not much of your skin. you have it on you. but barely pay attention to it... i want that to change, i want everyone to look at their skin and wonder of the story they are writing. 

we are given this clean empty canvas. perfect and beautiful. virtually without a flaw or smudge. and as time passes life happens and little things start appearing. moles, birth and beauty marks... the weird scar of when you scrapped your knees when you fell off your bike when you were learning how to ride it... the odd bite mark on your ankle from that one dog you chose to tease thinking it would never get you. or the awkward scar on your chin from when your were riding a skateboard and you somehow slipped and landed chin first on the floor and split it open, and the next day you were the star of your class because you got 10 stitches, and back then stitches were pretty awesome. it's funny how YOU know what each scar means, when it happened, and how you feel about them is unique to you. and thinking of mine brings beautiful memories. 

You might also have those scars that could have been self inflicted... the ones you did because you thought living was too hard, and you wanted out. but out seemed to messy so you simply hurt yourself to focus on a different type of pain, one that was much more soothing than actually painful. One that helped you feel in control, even if it was for just a few minutes. 

I've lived a long life, every night i recap it. every morning i am thankful for it. No matter how hard or difficult I woke up. I am breathing. I will be okay. Everything will be okay. 

You will be Okay!