True Love (Jercy Fanfiction)

Chapter 3

      After I walked away from Percy I felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt but I  knew I'd feel worse if I hadn't left, I knew Percy didn't feel the same, I knew he was straight and had a girlfriend which he loved, he fell in tarturus for her. How could I ever take her place anyway? I also knew my feelings for Piper weren't what they used to be. Piper still loves me though and I'm not sure how to tell her that I don't feel the same anymore. I didn't feel like eating when I got back to my table, I discarded my food and left, feeling so odd and empty inside, like I shouldn't have left Percy behind. I tried to tell myself if I stayed it would hurt even more but that did nothing to relieve me of this feeling. It was as if the Gods were trying to tell me something because right when I stepped outside it started pouring tremendous amounts of rain, completely drenching me. I ran to my cabin, quickly finding my way to cover. Just at the moment I walked inside the comfortable warmth of my cabin lightning struck the dark sky and thunder rumbled through the air. The rain drops made an obnoxious dripping sound against my window and filled the empty silence of my room along with the thunder and lightning. My room didn't seem as comfortable and warm as it was only moments before. It now felt cold, empty and quiet. The words I had told Percy echoing in my head like a never-ending reminder that maybe if I told him how I really felt this room wouldn't seem so quiet and cold. But that was a silly thought for the obvious reason that Percy can never love me, I might have endured even more pain if I told him the truth.
          I had to remind myself this as I stripped down in tell I was only wearing my boxers. I climbed into bed letting my sheets envelope me in warmth but no matter how I was positioned and how many sheets I put on top of me I remained cold.
***
Percy's P.O.V
       I cried. My tears staining my pilow case and my lump growing as the seconds past. My heart still hurt, it was like I was cursed. No matter how hard I try I can never seem to find love. Not Annabeth, not Jason. It was like no one could love me. It was like I could never be happy or the person could never be happy with me. Me being me. That chat with Aphrodite only made things worse, knowing how she seemed to enjoy watching me endure pain and heart break. I went through tarturus, god dammit! This shouldn't hurt so much, I've been through so much yet this feels like the worst pain I've ever experienced. I couldn't sleep after that dream, I felt like I could never sleep. I really must love Jason, more then Jason could ever understand or see. Suddenly thunder and lightning struck the dark, cloudy sky causing me to jump and curl up in a small ball. I shivered under my covers, feeling cold no matter what I did. I hated lightning, I like to pretend I'm not scared of anything but there is two things I'm scared of, losing Jason and lightning. Even though Jason could never love me I couldn't bare to lose him or see him in pain because I love him even if he doesn't. And I was never a fan of lightning, when I still believed I might have a chance with Jason I used to imagin us cuddling during a scary thunder storm, now it seems pretty stupid. The thought just made more tears run down my now red cheeks. I knew that I wasn't going to get any sleep and just might stay up all night crying.
***
Jason's P.O.V
      I woke up the next morning with goosebumps all over my body and an unbelievable amount of depression yet I willed myself to get up. When I did the incidents from yesterday came back like a sudden gun shot. That's how it felt at least, like a bullet hole right in my heart, impossible to heal, I was dead. I carelessly threw on some random clothes, not really caring and heading out the door, feeling like shit. I ran a hand through my hair and squinted through the harsh sunlight that blinded me. Everything was blurry and somehow spinning but when my vision cleared I walked in the direction toward the dining pavilion. I took a seat at my table and tried to turn my gaze toward the Poseidon table without being conspicuous. No one was there. Which was odd sense Percy is usual always the first one up and ready to go, drowning blue pancacks in syrup with a wide, goofy yet perfect grin on his face well claiming that being the son of the sea god meant it was impossible for him to drown at it was the same for his pancakes. I smiled at the thought then came back to reality, replacing the hapiness with concern. I stood from my table, not bothering to touch my food to go check on Percy, I was too worried to just sit there and not do anything.
***
      The razor in my hand, I realized, was my weakness but somehow also my release. My release from the pain that I couldn't run away from but yet mask with a different pain that filled me with an unstoppable drug to keep doing it. I'm sure no one would truly miss me when I'm gone. I can't have love and no one can love me so what's the point of living? One cut for my sanity.  Another for stupid love. Another for being a stupid fag. Another for Jason. Another just because I felt like it. It felt great, the pain and strange pleasure filling my body and going through my veins. The vibrant red color running down my arm, my vision becoming blurry. Me not having control of my closing eyes and the darkness that suddenly consumed me.
***
     I knocked on the door, more then a million times. I was starting to get worried because the least I should get is a simple response. I had no choice, I swung the door open and rushed in, it was empty but the light was on in the bathroom and the door was open a crack. I slowly walked in, each step making an obnoxious creaking noise. In tell my feet took an abrupt stop at the door, my lungs seemed to stop too and my heart. What I saw made me want to scream and cry and yell all at the same time yet my body wouldn't seem to agree with me. I couldn't move, it was as if I was frozen in time because of the realization that someone I love had hurt themselves. I came back to reality and ran toward Percy's body lifting it up bridal style, crying to see the blood that now stained my shirt. I ran out, pushing passed shock crowds of campers, crying as I ran into the infirmary to see a shocked Will. My own tears were sliding down Percys face making me cry harder. Will told me gently to put Percy on one of the beds so he could bandage him and stop the bleeding. I nodded and did as I was told, unable to form words. Will began to bandage Percys arm without saying a word but I could see him glance at me in the corner of my eye with an expression that told me he pitied me, I hated when people pitied me. All I wanted was for Percy to be okay. I saw Will give the unconscious Percy some ambrosia and then he faced me with furrowed eyebrows and a frown.
           "He'll need some rest but he'll wake up eventually so I wouldn't worry" he said and I just nodded. Without a word I sat next to the bed that Percy was laying in and squeezed his cold hands. I felt like crying more but refrained from doing so sense Will was still there.
            "I'll give you some privacy" he said before leaving. Then I started crying so hard that I needed to stop for a second just to get air. Holding Percys hand tightly as I cried.
            "I love you" I whispered into Percys hand, my tears wetting it.
***
    I couldn't move even if I wanted to, everything was dark but I could hear what sounded like muffled voices and then they became clearer. Wills voice came out clearly, he was saying something about waking up soon but that's all I catched. The other person just let out a sob. I heard footsteps become clearer as they came close to me. I heard Will say that he'll give us privacy then I heard his footsteps fade away. I felt warmth in my left arm, it was being lightly squeezed and then I could hear loud sobs. The hand, I realized, was too big to be a girls so could only be a mans. But who? Then I felt wet tears slide down my palm and felt warm gusts of air tickling my wrist. Then I heard clearly, more clearly then anything I've heard so far. I love you. I felt the words tickle my arm and warm my chest for the reason that it wasn't anybody's voice that said it but it was Jasons voice. His beautiful deep yet soft voice. I squeezed his hand back.