depression hurts

It hurts.It hurts so bad.I don't wish it on anyone but I do wish they knew how i felt.Then they'd know why i fake a smile, why I distance myself, why I can't trust anyone.They'd know it's just easier. The thing is they don't know.Sometimes I wonder how i can keep this up.This mask that i have on will soon fall off and I'll be exposed.All the secrets, the lie, everything.The real me will be exposed.I don't want that.I already feel worthless enough.I don't need to have people calling me an attention seeker.I guess that's what all of you think of me when reading this anyways.Maybe that's why i didn't put who i am in my bio.Maybe i don't want everyone to know because i don't want you to judge me.But you probably will anyways.I wish this wad all a bad dream a nightmare that I'd soon wake up from but I'm not like everyone else.I can't wake up from this.It's my life and i have to deal with it.I wish i could escape from it.I'm not gonna lie.I've thought about suicide but then I remember that if i give up now i won't know what could have been.So i sit here i wait i suffer and i wonder when the pain will end.I don't know why I'm writing this.Maybe i needed to let it out or maybe i wanted to let whoever else out there feeling this way know that there not alone.I'll probably never know the reason but that's ok.I don't really need to.