When you have everything, you would never think it would all come crashing down. I was her. I was that girl. I never thought anything bad would happen. But it did.
Two years ago I had anything I could ask for. I had a family of six. Plus my niece. So, seven. And we all lived together happy as could be. Well, almost happy. We were a broken family. It was my mom, sister, brother, stepdad and stepbrother, as well as myself. It was one family against another.
Mom and my stepdad would fight constantly. Over little things. Everything and anything would become an argument with them. My oldest brother was into drugs, sister had a baby young, and my stepbrother was never home and bullied me.
So, now there's me. The misfit. I didn't do drugs but I had an attitude and use it frequently. Born borderline and OCD I definitely had issues. I have daddy issues too. Stepdad fucking sucked and didn't support a thing I did and my biological dad who could've cared less about me. As long as he got his high off of some drug he was fine.
Two years ago my broken family was kept together by fraying seams. Then they snapped. Everything came apart and my family and myself moved out. We lived with my grandmother for a while until we found a house for ourselves. We had just moved in and helped my sister move out when my mom got sick.
At first we thought it was just a cold. Then, we started getting her tests and after two months after it juts "being a cold" she was dead. We burried her the next day. We bought the most inexpensive coffin and shoved her in the ground. I picked out a tombstone a week later and here we are now.
i've always thought cemeteries were a comforting place. Always well trimmed grass and quiet air. That's where me and my friends used to sneak away to. Now I'm just here because I want to be with my mom. I always did the same thing everyday. Wake up at the break of dawn, run two miles, shower, go buy a single Gerber Daisy (her favorite), a tea for myself, and a carmel machiatto with espresso for mom. Then, I'd go to the cemetery pour her drink into the green plush grass. lay down her Daisy on the growing pile, and sip my tea while laying on the ground listening to the world around me. Sometimes I cried. Other times I was just numb to it. I was sixteen and didn't have my mom anymore. I wish I did and it hurt that I lost who I was closest to.
Sitting here with her made me feel like she was going to do something weird that she always did. Or even ask me if I wanted to watch some stupid show with her. Occasionally there'd be some crothcety old lady who yelled at me for just sitting in the cemetery. I'd just let my middle finger fly up and ignore it.
When my tea was gone and the birds started getting louder my tears started flowing. I checked my phone and there was the reliable sign that people cared. Six missed calls, Two voicemails, and eighteen texts. One call and three texts were from Clementine, the other four calls, the voicemails, and ten texts were from Kane, and the other five texts were from Gee.
I checked my texts which read;
Clementine: Hey Chica! What are you up to today?
Clementine: Hannah Leann answer my phone call.
Clementine: Hannah where the hell are you?
Gee: Clem keeps asking where you are. So, where the fuck did you run off to?
Gee: God dammit Hannah! Where are you?
Gee: Where?
Gee: Are?
Gee: You?
Kane:Babe I'm off to the store do you want anything?
Kane: I'm probably gonna pick you up around noon
Kane: Babe what are you doing?
Kane: I take it you're not eating today again?
Kane:Haannnnnnnaaaaahhhhhh
Kane:I'm buying you sushi. You better eat it.
Kane: Answer me.
Kane: Answer your fucking phone Hannah!
Kane: Why does no one know where you are?
Kane: Hannah Leann you better answer your fucking phone the next time I call you. I'm not playing this fucking game today. Answer me. You're at the cemetery, aren't you? I'm on my way now.
I didn't bother checking my voicemail. I never do. They sit there and expire and I never know what people had to say to me. Nor do I really even care. But I do return calls and texts. Right as I dialed Kane's number his shitty car pulled up. I climbed into his car without saying a word. I looked down at my legs. They used to be so chubby and jiggly. After mom died I literally just stopped eating. I dropped from a size 5 down to 00 in no time. It was awful I literally had to buy new jeans every other month. Now even extra small shirts are baggy.
"How long have you been here?" Kane asked as he placed a hand on my bony knee. I shurgged and mumbled that I'ver been there since the gates opened. "Hannah, can you just talk? Even when you hated your life when you lived with your stepdad you wouldn't shut up. You always had something to say. Now you don't talk. You learned sign language just so you could go mute. You lost too much weight far too fast. You're not the Hannah I met two years ago."
My response was a shrug, which earned a nice glare.
I looked over to Kane, "So, we're we going?" He laughed as he mumbled something about me talking aloud for once and then said to the girls' house.
