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Chapter 21 :}

Mum was hurting. She tried so hard to mask it but I could tell this killed her more than she wanted to share. She asked me to talk to her about what had happened, because no one other than the police had with her when she went through her assault. She said it would make the weight feel lighter, so I tried my best. It hurt more to tell her. She didn't keep the clinical, calm expression the officers had. She crumpled infront of me. It makes it sting more that another man has hurt her because of shit like this. 

Damien was ringing me pretty much every hour on the hour, we don't even speak much. I just want him there. I haven't told him the full details of what happened, he said he was okay not knowing unless I want to talk about it, which I don't. Bells had got back from her holiday today and she'd tried to call me. We had a semi-tradition when if one of us went away, (90% her), we always have a girls weekend when we're back together. I was scared about what I had to tell her. I'd told Mum about it, she said Bell's would always take my side over Low's any day of the week. I sort of knew that. I know she'll know somethings up if I don't see her like normal.

come to me at 7?x 

YEssss, missed you!!

Atleast if she's here I have Mum near by if it goes horribly wrong.

I had 6 hours to work myself up into a nervous wreck. I run a bath, and then take a shower. I've been washing atleast 4 times a day since it happened. I still feel the pressure of him on me. I ring Damien for an hour and he tries his best to reassure me.

"If anything happens, not that it will, I'll be there within ten minutes." 

"Okay...thank you."

"Do you know what you want to say?" My stomach churns. I'd written out bullet points to make sure I didn't chicken out of anything.

"I'm going to tell her about Low trying it on with me. A drastically reduced version about how you had a bit of a thing for her, just to sort of soften her up after the Low-Blow...and then.." I swallow as I read 'assault' scribbled at the bottom. It looks weirder on paper.  I need to tell her about it, even I know I need a support system to deal with this...even if 'this' isn't as bad as it could have been. It was only three days ago. 

"Romy?" 

"..and then everything else." I finish, as confidentally as I can fake. He tells me to spend the rest of the day prepping for tonight so I'm not stuck in my head. I take this as literally as possible. I wash all of my bedding, and re-make my bed. Then I took it all off again, including my mattress, and built a fort for us to sleep in. Harry was fascinated by the whole concept and refused to get out until I tell him I'm making brownies. He 'helps' me until I've emptied the mixture into the tray and he runs away with the bowl and spoon in triumph. I clean the kitchen, then the lounge, then unconventionally decide the brownies require frosting. Its nearly six when Mum comes down to make Harry's dinner and oogles what I'm doing.

"Did you...dust the ceiling fan? That doesn't even work anymore!" She laughs and smiles at me. I'm glad she is. I balance my way upstairs with the brownies, drink selection and pizza menu. I'm laying them out on the floor when Mum creeps behind me again. 

"I can hear you behind me." I call peering over my shoulder. She sits next to me, discreetly seizing a brownie. I scowl.

"I have a trade!" She pulls out a bottle of red from her dressing gown, and plops it next to the menu. Then reaches back in and 'tadahs' with two red cups. I laugh.

"I know you don't really drink but I thought the evening might require wine if things get emotional. And if all else fails, we can share it instead." I hug her tightly, feeling a small twang of guilt for gulping a whole bottle less than a week ago. She kisses my head and tells me three more times she'll be downstairs enduring a minion movie if I need her. I take another shower, hoping it'll make me look fresher faced than I'm feeling. At 18:56 I'm sitting by the front door like a child at christmas, but with zero feelings of exctiment and all the feelings of being on the naughty list.