My Fart Will Go On (Reader x Leo Dicaprio) ~Shoujo~

"Watashi wa Leonardo Dicaprio desu"

Your head shot up as the alarm buzzed for the eleventy-first time. "Kyaaa~!" you exclaimed. "I'm going to be late for animu school desu!" You jumped into the air and landed face first onto your bedroom floor. But your flawless face remained undamaged. Just like your perky spirit.

You donned on your crotch-length skirt and boob hugging top. (It had special pockets for dem fine tiddies of yours.) You grabbed your gluten free, non-GMO, whole wheat whole grain piece of shit toast and burst out the front door. Your (chocolate/golden/raven/fiery/puke green/mahogany) locks danced in the morning breeze as an upbeat J-pop song played in the background. You somehow managed to make it to school on time because you're a perfect student and all the teachers just think you're the cat's meow. Speaking of meow, you're also part neko (that means 'cat' you dumb Western fuck). But that is irrelevant for now. As you ran through the long, sunlit hallway (because it's always sunny in Phil—Japan), you bumped into a tallish figure. You rubbed your adorable head and look up to see a man with sparkling, Caribbean blue eyes. His dirty blonde hair was slicked back and he looked dapper af. "S-sorry," he blushed and turned his head away. He thought you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, truly an angel.

"D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-don't w-w-w-w-w-w-worry a-a-a-a-a-about i-i-i-i-it..." you responded, tapping your fingers together. You bowed and ran to class, farting out a trail of sparkle behind you. His blush remained plastered to his face. He had been so spellbound by your beauty that he had forgotten to ask your name.

Oh golly-gosh! You thought. He was soooo handsome! I think he's an upperclassman. I mean, he does kind of look forty years old...

When you arrived to class, you plumped your juicy ass down at your desk, the one in the back of the classroom next to the window. You gazed out the window, your (brown/blue/magenta/green/gray/ hazelnut/lavender) eyes glowing in the morning light. The lunch bell rang. You grabbed your golfball sized lunch and sat alone because you're too mysterious, relatable and intimidating to have friends. Suddenly, the handsome forty yea-- em-- upperclassman came bursting into your lunch room. "AT LAST I HAVE FOUND YOU" He exclaimed.

"S-s-s-s-s-senpai?" You stuttered.

"M-m-may I sit with you, (Y/N)-chan?"

You gasped. How did he know my name?

"I found you in last year's yearbook," he answered cheerfully.

You gasped again. He read my mind??? :0

"Nothing can keep us apart, my dear," he took your soft hand. "Watashi wa Leonardo Dicaprio desu. I have searched high and low, near and far, to find a suitable waifu like you. I could tell from the way you bumped into me this morning, that I was destined for you..." he leaned closer to your face. His breath smelled like coffee and overpriced mint gum. "(Y/N)-chan....... Will you.........."

Suddenly there was a crash and everyone screamed in Japanese. The dust cleared away to reveal a naked golden figure. "H-h-h-h-how could you?!" it cried. "I thought.... I held the key to your kokoro!" (that means "heart" you baka gaijin.)

"O-O-O-Oscar?! W-w-w-what are you doing here?" Leonardo-senpai exclaimed.

"You wanted me for the longest time, the internet made memes of your desire for me... MEMES! And now..... you leave me like this?" A single tear rolled down it's golden cheek.

"You don't understand, Oscar... my love for (Y/N) runs deeper than my love for you,"

"L-Leo-senpai..." you whispered under your breath. He turned around to face the intruder in the eye.

"Leave me..." he snarled. Oscar couldn't take it any longer.

"FINE!" it grabbed a conveniently placed katana. "If I can't have you...... then neITHER CAN SHE!" it jumped into the air, glaring at you and marking you as its target. Suddenly, Leo-senpai snatched you to the side. Oscar landed and slung his sword where you had previously been standing.

"Get back, (Y/N)-chan!" You helplessly obeyed. He grabbed ¡TWO WHOLE! conveniently placed katanas and lunged towards Oscar. "You'll have to get through me first!" He yelled. Oscar growled and ran towards Leo-senpai. They fought an intense battle that seemed to last forever.... so you decided you'd start on your homework or something. When you had finished your math worksheet, the rest of the school was in debris, four students had accidentally been banished to another dimension, and your teacher's almost unrecognizable corpse was plastered against the wall. More importantly, the dreamy Leo-senpai stood stoically in the breeze as the dust settled around him. Oscar had been banished along with the students. He turned around and looked at you, blood trickled down his forehead. "(Y/N)-chan..." You got up and rushed towards your sexy battered hero and wrapped your arms around him.

"Nyaaaa~ thanks for saving me desu!" You kissed long and passionately. "Ah! You are hurt!"

"'Tis the price to pay for a maiden as bomb-diggity as you..."

"I can help!" You squeaked. You concentrated, groaned, and, with a little fart, your neko ears popped out of your head. You purred up against his wounds until they disappeared in a shiny blue flash.

"T-thank you, (Y/N)-chan," he blushed. You both looked around at the ruins of your school. "We must flee!" Suddenly, a magical drago-corn (dragon + unicorn) appeared. He grabbed your curvacious hips and threw you onto the beast. "Come, my love!" he hopped on, clicked his tongue, and you and your lover were soaring. "Off to Neverland!!" The two of you rode off into the sunset and had amazing butt sex on the back of the drago-corn before flying into the sun and dying the end I hate my life.