Diary of a Bittersome

Dear friend,

Sorry if I haven't wrote to you for a while. A lot of things happened, Good. Bad. But.. Today is different. I made a big move, even though its really hard, even though it really hurts. I had to do it. I had to make a choice. I had to sacrifice...

I had to break up with her.

No matter how I look at it, No matter how I thought of it. I still couldn't understand. I hoped it wouldn't have to end like this. It all started the other day, we were having fights, and Things were getting complicated. Then we had the "talk", we always settle our differences by talking it out. It was good, in the thought that we could fix things by just talking.. but that was I thought.. She told me that she hadn't been totally honest with me, She started telling me the things that I didn't knew but without mentioning their names.. She had "crushes", at first it didn't bothered me because it was natural. Everybody adores everybody, but this one's different. She didn't told me about this before because she was too afraid that it would get into my head and yap all about it. I wouldn't blame her. I was being hard to her lately. I get stubborn sometimes.

She mentioned that one of the guy wanted to court her if only the guy had no girlfriend). She asked me, if it was okay? I said yes, honestly but the next move was going to be hers. She said she wanted to try something else, she wanted to go on a different road. She thought that if we really are meant to be then we are really meant to be. She wanted "assurance" if ever it wouldn't work out, I would be there for her, we could get back together like nothing happened. She even told me about her friend and his boyfriend that are doing this. Things are easily said than done. I told her I am like that her friend. She said didn't want me to walk away, she wanted me to stay by her side still as her "bestfriend". Things are complicated. so I had to make a big move. I had to make the first move so it wouldn't be hard for her. I had to let go of her.

No matter how I work hard to save this relationship. Her mind has decided. I said I would be okay. But... I know I would be bitter, I would cry a lot if I think of it. No matter how I try, I would still miss her. I would still think of her. But it’s too late. What's done is done; what’s said is said.

Maybe.. This things have to happen. Is it her friends that made her want to try the things they do? or just maybe that guy must be really special to make her think that way. That she wanted to leave. I have to accept it. Maybe I shouldn't assume. I don't know what will happen next... Maybe I have to move on.

Thanks anyway, I really hope you could write to me. I need really need someone to hold on.

As always,

JJ Schmidt