This a story about a guy who lives in an invisible world, without a base to stand, without somebody caring and without a chance to escape from all these ordeal.
In a city where everybody spend their time violating the 'to do' tasks that they have created a night before, he is doing the 'to do' tasks he made a night before. His hobby is having a long period of lunch break, sitting in a low-light, closed window cafe dodging himself from a sunny day while enjoying his supper with a cup of lukewarm sweat tea.
Every morning, he woke up staring under his bed case, hugging his pillow and covering himself with white bedcover sheath that smells like rose flower pod.
He is a white skin, fully shaved beard tall guy that stood up silently everywhere he want to go.
Handsome.
Smart.
Someone adored by everybody.
During childhood, his parents are forceful for his study. It is a must to went home with a ninety on his paper. Achieving 'A stars' are not strange to him anymore. Other people too are used to see him holding many trophies in the school's graduation day.
He is so smart that he shut everybody in an accounting class of the second year during his first day of college. As usual, college students finishes their research papers nearby the due dates, that time when everybody struggles to finish theirs, he is watching his favourite TV show at home while drinking red wine and fresh from the oven pork and cheese lasagna.
As he graduated from college, scholarships are waiting for him to accept. They come from universities some are best in town and also from abroad universities. Now that entering university is not hard for him anymore, he chose to move abroad and study a deeper Accounting, which is also known as 'Auditing'.
His day went similar each day. For four years, the same seven days a week in a row are spent.
Before going to the best university in United Kingdom, he prepared savings from the allowance he earn from his parents each day for his daily needs. In January when the intake starts, he woke up watching the sun shining under his bed. The sunshine in United Kingdom that is reflected by his white bedcover sheath that are white and smells like rose flower pod will burn his eyeball for a little second, and make his retina clearer yet drop his laziness down to the ground each and every morning. As he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, wash his face, shave his beard on that squared jaw and tidy up his morning hair, he look into the mirror that reflects his beautiful brown eyes.
Every morning are similar.
Every day, he sticks to his task
Now, as he stood in front of the mirror in his room, he recognised himself that is reflected by the mirror in his room. He is not anymore a guy with cleanly shaved beard who sleep on a white sheath bed smells like rose flower pod. He is not anymore a guy that keeps his hair tidied up, his teeth brushed every morning.
But unwanted.
That's what he know about what people think about him now.
Why is a person that is near perfect unwanted in the society? That question pops up in his mind every day, not a single second are spent by him daydreaming, trying to figure out a short question like this.
Nobody recognise his appearance, as he is invisible anywhere, silent and are never accepted.
A man.
A messed up, idle and unwanted man.
Unfortunately, people are not staying forever at school, except they want to spend their whole life at school, working their whole life in the library, basketball court, or classroom.
Sometimes, people think that being very good in everything defines a clear future that is promising a beautiful and happy life. But he know now that it is wrong. Being good specifically in something that we love is what we should do. That is what he should have done.
His childhood are not happy.
Many other guys envy him for being idolise and praised by the ladies at the school, favourite of all the teachers at school for having the best grades every year since elementary school to high school, even the sweetheart of the famous girl in his batch. It is because he used to be famous and the most happy.
The truth is he is not happy. Not because he are not allowed to skip classes like his friends. It is also not because he are forced to achieve the best grades at school to satisfy his parents. Even it is not because he get bored for spending his childhood doing the same task every day. But it is because he have not enough time doing what he likes to do.
Not enough time to do something he really want to try and experience.
He is innocent. Too innocent sometimes. But he's got a strong stance.
In elementary when his friends skipped art class to play basketball, he attended art class and study pattern and mixing colour.
In middle school, when his friends put a pair of used socks inside their crush's locker, he comes after to take out the stinky socks from his crush locker.
In high school, when his friends tried smoking a stick cigarette and drink alcoholic drinks in a bar in town, he will bite more cheese sticks while drinking lukewarm sweat tea in his cozy bedroom that smells like rose flower pod instead of cigarette ashes.
But he actually really wish that he have tried to do all that his friends done before.
He wants to be the national basketball player in town holding junior trophy against the team from neighbour town. He wants to see his crush being mad at him, which is probably cuter than the smiles he got from her every time they are staring at each other. He wants to know how cigarette smoke tastes like when it pass by his throat to his nostril, and know what he would look like when he is drunk. But he has no experience doing all that.
As the mirror reflects his beautiful brown eye, all he can see are those regrets.
He will stop for a while, day dreaming in front of the mirror and imagine if just he spent his life being wild and free. Then start to wash his face, brush his teeth, shave his beard to clean his squared jaw and tidy his hair.
He realises, that life could not turn back its time, but move forward.
He knew he could not change the past, but he can improve for the future.
He is not a basket ball player. He is an auditor.
He works in one of the best banking organisation that provides the best insurance for the civilian in United Kingdom. He is auditing the account of hundreds of people's saving and the insurance company's financial records.
He is still successful, but not as what he always wanted.
Not in a basketball court. Not carrying trophy for the best basketball team in town. But in a huge office building, carrying a laptop full of calculated files drawn clear and neatly in the spreadsheets.
That guy is me.
And I will not redo the same mistake like i did in the past. I will live my life the way i wanted now.
The scar has not pained me for nineteen years. All was well.
Daniel Timothy Wiranata
