*This is 50 different ways to annoy Jasper Hale. I don't own Twilight or Jasper. BUT if you were willing to GIVE me Jasper I would gladly take him. Alice too. She can be my shopping buddy, lol :D*
1.Give yourself a papercut on purpose in front of him and then start to suck your bleeding finger.
2. Call him Jasper Cullen
3. When he objects say 'thats not what Maria told me' and walk away
4. Think about him lustfully
5. When he asks you about the above reply with 'Jeesh someones vain how do you know it was directed at you?' and leave him hanging.
6. Tell him that the real reason that Edward gave him the bike is that he feels sorry for him.
7. Be sure to let him know that Jasper is the least favorite Cullen brother (in the Cullens eyes)
8. Ask him whether ghosts are real. Whatever his answer is reply with 'Haven't you got a cousin named Casper?'
9. Ask him why Alice doesn't take his last name.
10. When he says because it's for keeping it up apperences say, "That's not what Alice told me," and walk away.
11. Ask him what it feels like being demoted from army leutenent to high schooler.
12.Offer him some girl scout cookies and when he refuses start sniffling and saying "I geuss I'll never get my cookie selling patch."
13.Guilt him into buying 30 boxes and then ask if he's gonna eat some now. When he says no, start begging him to until he does.
14. Walk to Jasper and say to him: 'when i'm a newborn, are you gonna kill me as well??
15. Ask him how clean his 'record' is.
16. Constantly flicker between emotions and when he gets angry calm down and tell him to follow your lead.
17. Tell Alice that all of his clothes got burnt mysteriously and he now needs a new wardrobe. When she has him try on a bunch of clothes at the mall, laugh at him. Bring popcorn and soda.
18.Take him to the studio audience of Dr. Phil. When it's over offer to consul him because the show has convinced you that he is emotionally unstable. Lecture him for countless hours about how he can improve this. Don't hesitate to continue in front of the Cullens or anyone else he knows.
19. Walk into the room as quietly as possible then yell 'Attent hut!'
20. Send Alice gushy love notes from Mike, and make him read them all. Pay Mike to hit on Alice while she is with Jasper.
21. Throw a suicidal teen at him.
22. Make him stand in a psychiatric hospital for three days.
23. Make him deal with twelve humans AT ONCE who have EXTREMELY different moods. [Overly happy, totally depressed, etc.]
24. Make him adopt a newborn vampire.
25. Inform everyone that Jasper wants to feel them.
26. After saying the above, point out that this technically makes him bisexual.
27. Ask him how you are feeling every couple of minutes.
28. Ask him why he is so quiet.
29. When he opens his mouth to answer, scream "LIES!"
30. Dance around him for a full ten minutes calling him a liar.
31. Schedule therapy for him, and make sure that they go into extrodianary detail with his childhood.
32. Tell him that his Mommy loves him, and make Esme really pissed at him. ie Break her favorite table and say "JASPER DID IT!!
33. Tell him you have a surprise for him, and then wave a human girl in front of his face, whispering "She'll probably taste delicious!"
34. When he backs away, say "Come ON! YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT!"
35. When he still says no, scream "BUT SHE TASTES LIKE CHICKEN!"
36. If he says he doesn't like chicken, say "EAT MORE COWS!"
37. Back away slowly and throw the girl in his arms. Run away screaming your head off.
38. Ring the doorbell and be standing there with your army of caotic fan girls, then attack him.
39. Salute him everytime you see him.
40. Say "Yes, Sir," and salute to anything he says.
41. Tell him reall men don't get so emotional.
42. When Jasper is running (for any reason) put on a thick southern accent and yell 'run, Jasper, run'
43. Starting sing Battlefield by Jordan Sparks dramaticly whenever he walks in the room.
44. Constantly talk about Maria in front of him and Alice.
45. Pretend to start shooting him while yelling "Die, Confederate, die!"
46. Go up to him and try to bite him.
47. Start to randomly scream "Bite me, Jasper!" and run away screaming.
48. Mimic everything he says in a thick southern accent.
49. Rent every old western movie you can find and make him watch them all for hours striaght.
50. Scream "Jasper! I love you!" in a high pitched fan girl voice and hug him everytime you see him.
