Dear Diary

Chapter 6

 Dear diary,

This has become a habit, updating everyday aha, anyway, today Mother Nature gave me her wonderful monthly present 15 days early. Yay. Not going to go into detail but it is HELL. I think I might skip this Fridays training because of this. -sigh-. I hope n and I get a ride to the games this Saturday. I honestly ink that if I leave the team, everyone's going to be happy. I mean, it old be better for the team right? I should stop being selfish and leave, but I'm not because if I do, then I can't prove to Du and D that I can play. I'm also going to the doctors this weekend to check on my wrist and fingers. I feel like they cramp up every time I play volleyball. I still want to try and learn how to set. 

I saw N and M walking separately today. I find it weird since ye are always together. It just looks really odd you know? I think something is wrong, REALLY wrong. Or I'm just really paranoid aha. I want them to be happy since he did so much for me. I guess the sidelines aren't half bad. 

I just realised, I haven't laughed in so long. I did have a little giggle yesterday, but it was 'hollow.' Like I didn't feel happy. It wasn't right. I have told m, n and a I'm not truly happy there in that group but I guess they can believe what they want, it'll be better for them. 

I also pretty much gave up on Du. I will never happen. Ever. I don't want to give up though....is it possible at all? 

I ruined everything. Why am I such a bad person? I have already ruined one friendship and now this as well? Ok I think I have to explain first. Ash and I were talking over maccas today and we talked about how self centred nic has gotten. I confronted him about this and he kind of exploded. I don't think he knows that I'm also breaking down. He thinks I'm happy I put him down. Wow. I just wish I never confronted him. I feel like a horrible human right now. 

I called D and he just ran to my house. We talked for a while over some hot milo and just watched the stars. He also 'branded' me. Aha don't go all dirty minded, he just wrote his name on my right leg. I wrote my name on his leg as well. It's all fair~ Honestly, I wish I fell for him, not Du. 

-Sakura