I'm scared...
You kept pushing me away. I was trying to hold on to you.
Why holding on?
I'm not sure; I just loved you like I didn't love anyone else.
I was giving you excuses for your acts, saying it's okay, you will be better again tomorrow.
My friends saw me and listened to me; knew I was suffering.
Some told me I need to face you, and others told me to forgive you.
One friend told me I should let you go.
Let go? It wasn't in my dictionary.
However...
I thought this bond was stronger than 'letting go'....
I felt like I was a burden on you, that all I caused was harm.
So I started pushing you away; thinking that if I keep you away from me, you won't be as hurt, and I wouldn't be as well.
I couldn't keep doing this.
I wanted you more than anyone else. I needed you.
Why were you doing this to me?
Those eyes that are mad at me, I have nightmares about them. Your eyes look so cold and different when you're upset with me.
Those words you say, I was trying to ignore them, but they are becoming a part of me. They are cutting deep in my heart.
I know you don't mean them.. but i can't take it.
I'm scared.
You're scaring me.
Yes, it's true.
So is it how you want us to be?
You want me to be afraid of you?
I don't know if I can trust you anymore. I don't feel safe.
I don't feel at home.
"I only ignored the pain because I love you."
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P.S.: Reread the whole thing in another perspective (aka a parent, a lover, a good friend. This applies to all relationships, not just a bf and a gf. Something we all suffer from and we need to take control againt it.)
If you're suffering from verbal or physical abuse - IT IS NOT ALRIGHT. Don't stay in that relationship if it won't be solved. You deserve better than this.
Inbox us if you need and you're having troubles, talk to a friend, take action, talk to someone. But don't ever just give excuses and stay quiet suffering.
