Love is {Weakening, Illogical, Useless} Something That I Cannot Fight

Part 1

I had an assignment to write a short story about "a day on the water." I ended up really liking my story and feeling like I could make it better. Here I have no restrictions on what I can write. No Christian teacher to judge it. Here is where my story will become my story.
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    A day on my waters is anything but easy. Each of us has their own waters. My job? To watch over and care for all that lies or lives within my waters. Though already a difficult job, my job may soon get much harder. With a large storm in the future, I am bound to be showered with the responsibility of housing humans who have gotten lost or ejected from their boats.
    Humans. Quite strange creatures. They assign gender to just about anything that can think. For instance, we "mermaids" and "mermen" have proved victim to the humans' gendering needs. Though we actually have no genitals, I would be categorized as a merman due to my skinny teenage boy body structure. It is widely believed amongst the humans that we mermaids have fish-like tails. This is false. We have legs, just like humans. We look exactly like humans, except for our lack of genitals, our soft blue or green color, and tendency to be covered in freckles. Humans also have the useless need for love, acceptance, and company. Merpeople do not participate in such foolish emotions.
    The sun descends beyond view as I go about my normal routine. As I scan my surroundings, I spot a whale in the distance. I swim towards it to discover that it is struggling in an abandoned net. This is not the first time I've had to rescue this particular whale. I place an open palm to its side. It calms down, knowing that I will rescue it. I use my teeth to cut the rope. I carefully remove the tight net. Though it cannot speak, I know the whale is thankful. I trace my fingers along the scars left by previous entanglements. Times in which I had not found the whale soon enough in order to remove the net before injury. I pat the whale twice and he swims away.
    I find my way to my rock. It's near the surface of the water so that I can sit with my upper body above the water. As I watch the sky, I see dark clouds coming together. This indicates strong winds and rain soon. The next day I return to see a human boy lying on his back on a rock not too far from mine. He appears to be about seventeen years old in human years. I find that he is alive and push on his stomach to make him cough up swallowed water. As I do so, I observe him and notice that he lacks much strength. His shirtless chest shows no sign of strength. His physical appearance resembles that of mine.  I look weak according to a human's standard, but I am much stronger than any human.
    Though cold, weak, and hair in his face, this boy's appearance appeals to me very much. His dry, chapped lips are all too close to perfect. He stirs awake and I feel something close to fear in my stomach. How absurd. I have no need to be afraid of this boy. I could easily kill him if necessary. Still, it is a feeling I cannot shake.
"W-what are you?" he asks. I do not answer. I pick him up and begin to carry him to a nearby island.
"Stop! Put me down!" the boy complains.
"I'm taking you somewhere a bit more pleasant than this small, cold rock, foolish boy. I just saved your life, you know. You ought to show more gratitude." He calms down slightly.
"I'm sorry, I just, what are you?" he asks once again.
"I am what you humans would call a mermaid. Or rather a merman. Though we actually have no gender."
"So you're real?"
"Of course not. I'm not real. I'm not talking to you or like breathing or anything right now," I say sarcastically. The boy ignores my sarcastic comment and stares at my skin in awe. He traces a finger over the freckles on my upper arm and shoulder. The unexpected contact mixed with my strange fear of this boy almost causes me to drop him. My heart is racing. Why does this boy cause me such fear?
    We reach the island. The boy stands on the sand, shivering.
"There's clothes and towels in there" I say, speaking of the cave behind the boy. He changes his clothing and returns, wearing an old, oversized sweater that should definitely not look as good on him as it did. He sits on a dry rock next to where I float in the water.
"Th-thank you," he says.
"Just doing my job," I reply.
"Job?"
"Yes. I have a job. I watch and take care of my waters."
"I wasn't technically in your waters."
"Humans. Always trying to find a way out of responsibility. You needed help, and I was able to help you. Is it not that simple?" We sit in silence for a few moments.
"I'm Nox by the way," he says.
"I thought you were human?"
"No, my name is Nox."
"Your... name?"
"Yeah it's what people call me. Your parents usually give you your name. Like, 'Hey, what's up, Nox?'"
"Parents?"
"You don't have parents? Where did you come from?"
"I-I cannot remember."
"Killian."
"What?"
"Your name. Can I call you Killian?"
"Yes." I blush.
"Okay. Nice to meet you, Killian, I'm Nox."
    A smile finds its way upon my face. Why can this Nox make me feel so happy?
"You have a nice smile," Nox says. It is such a strange feeling, this happiness that only Nox has been able to draw out of me. I smile again and look away.
"You're very beautiful," Nox continues, "I've never seen anything like you."
"Most humans have not," I reply.
"How do you plan to return to human civilization?" I ask after a moment.
"I don't know. Guess I'll have to wait until a boat passes."
"I see."
    I return to the island the next morning to see Nox awake, sitting crisscrossed with sweater paws, the wind blowing his soft brown hair.
"You have awoken early," I call out. He walks towards me and retakes his crisscrossed position, to where the tides barely cannot reach him.
"What were you doing?" I ask.
"Thinking... remembering." Nox replies.
"About?"
"My family. They must be worried sick."
"Family?"
"It's the people you are closest to. Those who you will always be there for and will always be there for you." Nox's eyes fill with tears, but he doesn't let them escape.
"What is it like?"
"It's nice. Comforting. You're never alone. There's always someone there for you." Nox allows a single tear to escape. "I miss them. I miss them a lot."
"How do humans cope with emotions?" I ask.
"Usually they seek affection." Nox wipes his eyes and sniffs. "My aunt used to sing to me when I was little."
"Can you sing for me?"
"Oh... uh-uh sure," he blushed. It takes him a while before he starts. "Y-you are my sunshine, m-my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey... I, uh, don't remember the rest," he says, looking down.
"You do. Why are you lying?" I ask in a more curious way than an accusation.
"I-I don't know. I just got r-really nervous, and I-"
"It is okay. Please continue. You sounded quite pleasant." Nox smiles. After a moment he continues, "You never know, Dear, how much I love you. So please don't take my sunshine away."
"That was nice."
"Thank you."
Our comfortable silence is broken by the growl of Nox's stomach.
"I suppose that means you need to eat?" I suggest.
"Yeah. I can fish, do you have any fishing stuff?" I nod towards the cave. Nox returns wearing a beat-up shirt and rather small shorts.
"You look quite ridiculous in those bottoms," I say. Nox laughs.
"Yeah, but I don't want to fish with pants and these were all that were in there." After a while, Nox still has not succeeded in getting a fish. I decide to try it myself. I catch a fish and toss it to Nox. Not looking, my fish hits him in the face. He's startled at first, but then joins me in my fit of laughter.
    After he's rinsed the sand off the fish, he builds a fire to cook it.
"You sure showed me up," he laughs.
"I've never hunted a fish before."
"No?"
"Well, I don't eat, so I have no need to kill sea life." There is a pause.
"You don't eat, you don't know where you came from, you have no family, and you spend your life alone, patrolling these waters?"
"It is not the most enjoyable life, but it is the one I have."
"It can be enjoyable, though. If you make it. Find love."
"Love," I shake my head. "Love. I cannot have love. Love is weakening and useless. Even if such things were not true, my lover must some day die. I cannot die. Therefore I will be alone. I cannot have love. It is a target. It is a weak spot. I need to focus on my job."
"Sounds like a rather disappointing life to me." He works on cooking his fish, not looking at me. Still not looking at me he continues, "You can still do your job and enjoy yourself you know."
"No, I cannot. Pleasures are weaknesses and weaknesses are targets."
"Sometimes you have to live in today, Killian." Silence follows as Nox prepares his fish to eat it.
"How does one know when they are in love?" I ask.
"Well, there are signs, like being flustered or having attraction. But over all, you know. You just know when you love someone."
"Do you love anyone?"
"I believe I do." More silence.
I return once again the next day. Nox is asleep, so I wait for him. I am afraid that I am becoming too fond of this boy. I cannot go through this once again. I cannot. I think back to hundreds of years ago.
"Mermaid?" She calls out to me.
"Yes, my lovely lady?"
"I am afraid," she says, hugging me.
"Do not be afraid, I am here."
"But they are going to try to take me back."
"You need to go back, my love."
"I do not want to! My father, he hurts me. My husband, he despises me. I have nothing there to bring me happiness for I cannot have children. I wish to stay here, with you."
"You need to be its your people. Leave your husband, escape your father. Find someone you love, and you will be happy."
"But I love you!" She protests.
My memory is cut short as Nox walks out of the cave. My own words echo in my mind.
Find someone you love, and you will be happy.
I can't do that. I can't be happy. I must watch the waters. I cannot be weak or distracted. Happiness is nonessential.
"Morning, Killian," Nox says. He sits near the water.
"I really like you, you know," he says.
"I too, enjoy your company," I reply. We sit in silence and enjoy the soft breeze and calm tides. Nox stands and walks into the water. He gently grabs my head with both of his hands.
"You're very beautiful you know," he says to me. I blush. Slowly, his head moves closer to mine. I allow myself to participate in this embrace of lips.
"See, Killian," Nox says after he had ended the kiss, "you can love. You are no weaker than you were yesterday."
"I am. I cannot die. You can. That is how it weakens me. I am fond of you. That is something that can be taken away. That is something that can hurt me."
"Anything that brings you joy can be taken away, Killian. But it's worth the risk. Wouldn't you rather be happy with the risk of it being taken away than to have never been happy at all?"
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Weeks go by, and I have grown very close to Nox. But for a reason I am unaware of, I feel different today. I feel afraid. Terrified. My head hurts and I'm shaking. I just want it to stop.
"I- I have to leave." I say.
"Why?"
"I believe I am becoming much too fond of you. I cannot do that. You're going to die some day and it will hurt. It will hurt more the closer I get to you. I'm sorry." I swim away before Nox can protest. Face stained with tears, Nox watches as I swim away.
    I retreat to my rock for several days, abandoning my responsibilities. I need to gather myself together. For the first time since my first love had left, I feel tears slide down my cheeks. I am too fond of that boy. I need not to grow close to him. I know in the end, he will one day die. I lie on my rock for another day, feeling terrified of nothing in particular. I had completely forgotten about the upcoming storm until now.
"Nox," I whisper. I have to save him. The storm is almost here. I swim as fast as I can to the island.
"Nox!" I yell.
"Killian!" he yells back, emerging from the cave. He runs into the water and hugs me.
"I missed you," Nox says, still not letting go of me.
"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left you. It's coming, Nox."
"What's coming?"
"The storm. An extremely large storm."
"We have to get out of here."
"There isn't enough time."
"Let's go in the cave, then."
"Nox, I cannot leave the water. I cannot die, either. It is you who we need to save. And that cave isn't going to do anything to protect you."
"How big's the storm going to be?"
"Big. There's no rock structure that could protect you. It's going to destroy everything, Nox." Tears fell down my cheeks again. Nox wipes them away.
"It's okay, Killian. You can't save me."
"I must try."
    Silence falls between us as we hug again. Nox cries into my shoulder. I've come to love this boy so much. I must save him. We wait for the storm to come. Clouds roll together accompanied by strong wind and rain. Water begins to flood the island until it was as though it never existed. I hold Nox while we struggle in the water. Waves crash around us. Nox holds onto me tight, water entering his mouth with every wave that throws itself our way, Nox spitting water out every time the wave recedes.
"Killian," he says, cut off by a wave smashing into his head. "Killian," he coughs, "I'm not going to make it, Killian."
"No! No, you have to, Nox!" Nox kisses me. A rather messy, rough kiss, but painful all the same. It is painful because this is his goodbye.
    Another wave pulls Nox's head under the water. This time, Nox does not resurface his head. This time he does not spit out water. I scream out and pull his head back up above water and attempt a Heimlich. He spits out the water.
"Killian, you have to let go," he barely manages to speak. I pull him into one last hug, and plant him one last kiss. He chokes on another wave, but this time I do not try to save him. I hold him in my arms as he closes his eyes and will never reopen them.
    The next morning, I wake up at the bottom of my waters, holding a lifeless Nox. The memories of the previous night stab at my heart. I wish to forget the events that unfolded here, but I cannot. I bury Nox in a respectful manner. I decorate his resting place with colorful coral and other underwater plants. I stand, looking at what has become of my waters. Destroyed. All of it. I have failed them. I've failed every living thing in my waters. I must start over now. I have no idea how to be okay, where to even start, but I must.