Save Me From Myself

Ricky's POV

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I watched the blood lace down my arm. I let more tears fall and dragged my razor across my arm a few more times. I cleaned my razor and put it back in my toiletry bag. I got some tissue and cleaned up my arm. I threw it in the toilet and flushed. I pulled my shirt and took in my stomach from the side. I started crying. I was getting fat again. I knelt in front of the toilet and jammed my fingers down my throat. I gagged and did it again. The third time, I threw up. I kept going until I was throwing up blood. I flushed and then rinsed my mouth out and brushed my teeth. I curled up under the sink, hugging my knees. I sobbed silently. The door rattled and I froze.

"Who the fuck? Come on, open up. I need to piss."

I shook hearing Chris's voice. I stood and searched for my bracelets.

"O-One minute."

"Ricky? You alright?"

"F-Fine."

"Ricky open the door."

I didn't answer and started searching more frantically for my bracelets. I could hear Chris trying to force the door open. I spotted my bracelets and reached for them, knocking them off. I cursed and picked them up. I heard the door open and Chris swore. I froze before trying to hide my arm. He grabbed my wrist.

"R-Ricky."

I burst into tears. Chris pulled me close.

"I'm here, Ricky."

I nodded, trying to stop crying. I sat on the edge of the bath and just focused on breathing. Chris picked me up. I squealed and he gave a sad chuckle.

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I lay on the couch watching Chris look for the first aid kit. I curled up, making myself tiny. Chris found the kit and turned around. He frowned and then spotted me. He knelt in front of me and sat me up. He started wiping my arm with an anti-sceptic wipe. It didn't even sting. He wrapped a bandage around my arm and sighed.

"Why Ricky?"

I burst into tears and clutched at him. He just held me. I fought to regain control of myself. I took some breaths.

"Remember when I first joined the band, I was quiet and solemn?"

Chris nodded.

"I-I was in an abusive relationship."

I watched Chris bite his tongue.

"I left after about a year of being in the band. He seemed fine. He was at the show a few nights ago. He mimed that he was going to kill me. It just brought everything back. I can't handle it."

Chris's hands on my legs had become fists.

"Got a picture?"

I nodded.

"Give me one and his full name. He's not getting anywhere near our gigs."

I smiled weakly.

"Anything else?"

I licked my lips. I'm in love with my best friend.

"No."

"Alright."

Chris kissed my bandage and held me close. I smiled and just sat there, savouring the moment. He started humming an old Marilyn Manson song and I giggled. He picked me up and carried me off the bus. He put me down and I watched him climb onto the roof with ease. He reached down and helped me up. I cuddled to him.

"Look at the stars, Rick."

I did as he said.

"They're beautiful."

Chris nodded then sighed.

"Ricky?"

"Hm?"

"Would you destroy perfection?"

"Of course not."

"Then why hurt yourself?"

I stared at him.

"W-What do you mean?"

He kneeled above me.

"You are perfect."

He leaned down and kissed me. My eyes widened. Jessica sprung to my mind but she disappeared when Chris asked for access to my mouth. I closed my eyes, opened my mouth and wrapped my arms around him. His tongue rubbed against mine and I moaned. He ran his hand up my back and old memories hit me. I pushed him off and curled up.

"Ricky? I'm sorry."

I sat up.

"I want to sleep."

He nodded and helped me down. I walked onto the bus ahead of him. Chris locked the door and picked me up. He lay me in his bunk before climbing in. I lay on his chest and fell asleep.