Letting Love

Untitiled Part 1

A'taya's POV

I cruised down the interstate listening to Kirk Franklin's newest album while wearing my sunglasses on my face letting my hair get blown in which ever way it would.

I sighed peacefully making my way off on my exit. Today, I have a meeting with a potential client about styling for the next six to eight weeks while they are in the city, now if they like me, I could possibly style them for a longer period of time, which I hope happens.

I pulled down my skirt and went into my business meeting after praying to God asking if this was the right job for me, that he'd show signs and if it wasn't, I asked that he make it clear for me to see that.

After the meeting I sighed, I knew for sure I didn't want to style the woman I met. An up in coming actress who was more concerned about her drink not having enough liquor in it, as opposed to being worried about if I had any type of credentials for the job.

I've gone down the road now, of not only having my own line catering to the plus size woman, but I also give personal styling consultations. I'd say now, that I am content, but not in a place in my career where I want to be. I want a steady clientele, all of which I work with exclusively.

"Hello!" I said getting in my car.

"Hi sister! We still on for lunch?" Karen asked.

"Of course. Did you decide where you wanna eat yet?" I asked her placing my phone on the dashboard to buckle my seat belt.

"Of course. I want The Godfather's. " she said

"That sounds great. I want a piece of cheesecake." I said

"I thought you were trying to lose weight?" She asked me and I rolled my eyes.

In the past few months, I feel like I've had the worse weight fluctuation of my life. At my sisters wedding, I was snatched, I felt great and my clothes fit well. Then, everything was swallowing me and my pants nearly feel down but now, I feel a tad snug in my clothes.

"I know, but I give up." I said.

"You know what that's from?" She asked

"I know, stress." I said. She'd pounded me with her reasonings as to why one second I was a bloated ballon one second and then deflated one the next.

"Mmhm. That and you working so dang much. You just never slow down."

"Slow down and do what?" I asked her.

"and breathe A'taya Marie!" She yelled.

"Yes mom." I sighed

"You know I'm right, and you know I only want what's best for you. " she sighed. "I just want you to be happy and healthy."

"But I am happy." I explained to her.

"So you just gonna lie to me like that?" She asked.

"Who says I'm lying Karen?"

"My sisterly instincts. I know when you're not happy. You maybe happy with how your career is going, but in your personal life, let's face it you aren't happy. Which is why you don't eat frequently, and you gain weight sporadically."

I sighed before I shook running my fingers through my  hair. "Stop psychoanalyzing me." I told her.

"Sister, you just know I want the best for you." She said

"I know, it's just something you wouldn't be able to understand." I said.

"I understand, you miss him and you're still in love and no matter how much you try to deny it, or act like it's not there you can't."

"I can't, and it sucks that I can't." I sighed. "I'm mentally at a cross roads." I whispered finally admitting it to myself.

"And you'll be fine. Look, how about you just head home, and I'll come over." She said.

"No, I need time alone. I will, I will text you when I'm ready to talk." I said.

"You sure?" She asked

"Yeah." I nodded and made my way home after hanging up.

A substantial amount of what my sister said is true, probably even more but my ego won't let me see it. I'd say I went through a lot. A lot of heartache, pain and a lot of Work. For me working had become my outlet. I have done work, work and of course more work. I am not complaining even though on top of my relationship problems, it's been a hard time for me.

I have been working myself to death according to everyone around, which is one of the reasons why my relationship ended. Reginald gave me that ultimatum.

It's hard for me to come to terms with everything because I felt like Reginald dissed me. I miss and love Reginald like crazy, however how he decided to handle the situation, I didn't agree with. I get it, no one wants to be in a relationship where they don't see their significant other. It's pointless truly, but I also know that this was the season for me to get my business off the ground. I focused so much on not trying to love those around me and not trying to be better, because I was put down so much.

At this moment and point in my life  I know its time to focus on me, and my passion while fulfilling my purpose, a purpose that with or without Reginald has to be fulfilled.

I drove home, to my apartment and looked around. It's so boring living here without my sister. Now that she's married, everything's changed.

More talk about having kids, and thinking about what she has to cook for dinner, what her husband likes and doesn't. I understand, it's different now that she's married and I respect it. I guess I'm just a bit lonely these days.

I sighed carrying myself to my bed, and plopping down, no longer feeling in the mood to do anything else.

~~~

First Chapter Released! I figured I'd bless y'all on my B-Day'