The Beginning

Bold=Gwen Italics=Benny

My name is Gwendolyn Elizabeth Rose. I am 15 years old and a freshman at Clairemont High School in Renton, Washington. I'm about 5' 4". I'm what you would call a 'punk/emo'. I wear almost nothing but black. I have dark brown, almost black hair that goes slightly past my shoulder, dark green eyes, and a very weird fashion sense. I tend to wear either tank tops, band shirts, or shirts with random sayings paired with my signature leather jacket, skinny jeans, combat boots, and the occasional beanie. I have the left side of my nose peirced and I always keep a simple silver ring in it. I also always wear a black band ring on the middle finger of my right hand and thick leather bracelets on both of my wrists to cover of my scars. I always keep those on and a jacket to cover up my arms.

I'm a recovered self harmer. I've always dealt with self-esteem problems, constant shit from my parents saying that I'm not as good as my older brother, losing one of my best friends, and constant depression and panic attacks. My life is pretty shit. Surprisingly, the only thing that kept me sane was school, and of course music. I would always look forward to seeing my GBF (gay best friend), Benny, because he always knew what to say to make me smile. I told him everything and I trusted him with my life. Whenever I would have really bad fights with my parents, he would always let me stay over for as long as I needed, no questions asked.

I can't forget about music. I'm absolutely obsessed with All Time Low, Sleeping With Sirens, Set It Off, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, Twenty One Pilots, PVRIS, Marianas Trench, As It Is and Pierce The Veil. I'm basically emo trash and I probably wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for them.

My life was surprisingly alright the summer before 8th grade. My older brother, Evan, went off to college and my parents went with him. It was pretty far away so I was home alone for about a week. I blasted music throughout the house and sang and danced for a week straight. When they came home they basically ignored me until school started again. Once 8th grade rolled around, everything went to hell. Two of my closest friends, Becca and Hannah, became a little more distant, so that ruled out hanging out with them. The most popular bitch, Addie McCarthy, or as Benny and I call her, The Queen, decided to be even more of a bitch to me than usual. Don't even get me started on Benny. He became a completely different person. He got a complete makeover. I didn't know who he was anymore. He became a popular douchebag and I was still the emo loner. After he basically left me for dead, I was alone. During all of 8th grade I was completely alone. I became worse with self-harming, I wouldn't eat for days, and I came incredibly close to killing myself. And then I was saved by Joey Connors. I had a giant crush on him ever since 5th grade when he moved. We didn't talk much before 8th grade, but when he saw me all alone, I guess he pitied me. We stayed friends for a while and then he asked me out. We dated for about 5 months until he randomly broke up with me. I was alone again. I was still scared for Benny after he ended up in rehab at the end of 7th grade, but when he came back, I was so pissed about how much changed that I refused to talk to him.

My home life affected everything that I did. I wasn't the greatest at school because I tended not to pass things in and not do them. Teachers never understood that I wasn't able to do my homework because I had gotten in another fight with my parents. I lived in a small house towards the edge of town on a street full of creeps and pedophiles. I had to run out of my street to avoid being called at. The only good thing about where I lived is that there's a playground down the street where I can escape from after a fight. My parents are abusive. If we get into a really bad fight, I would get slapped and locked into my bedroom without any meals for the rest of the day. There was a tree outside of my bedroom window that I could climb down and run as far as I could. It was about 7 miles to Benny's house because he lived in the middle of town. That's about as much as I would care to tell you at the moment. Until next time.