Diary of a Polar Bear

Dear Diary,

Today, I woke up. My nationbeast was not pleased by my methane cuddles. He scolded me a little bit, but stopped when I asked him who he was. He seemed a little huffy afterward, but my nationbeast never is mad that long. He made me some pancakes a little while after. They were delicious! 

My nationbeast forgot my name again today. I suppose it's alright; I forget his name a lot. At least he addresses me with respect, as Mr. Kumawhatsit or Mr. Kumafrootloop. The 'Mr.' adds all the dignity to it. 

Today, I took my nationbeast to Americat's house. He gets along kind of well with Americat's nationbeast, so we like to get them together as much as possible. Americat's nationbeast tries getting mine to play, but to no avail. Once, I put my mark on mine, but Americat's just covered it up with his own. He just smacked his forehead with it like it was a V8 commecial and covered up the perfectly good maple leaf I had put there. I'm glad Americat's more mellow than his nationbeast. 

When we got to Americat's house, his nationbeast answered the door loudly. As in with fireworks and cake and greasy burgers. But he lied about the cake; it was all just for himself. Same with the burgers. But he did give us a bottlerocket. To the face. Stupid greedy bastard. I think Americat should put him on a diet. When I made sure that they wouldn't be mean to each other, I talked with Americat for a while. We licked our balls, compared  nationbeasts, and gossiped about our other friends. Americat told me that Panda went missing and Russia Cat's nationbeast was impersonationg him. In return, I told him about Puffin's resolution to start swearing less. It hasn't been working out too well...

We watched the nationbeasts for a little while. Americat's had mine in a headlock and was giving him a noogie. Mine kept whispering something about his uncle, but Americat's just laughed. I honestly don't see how Americat could stand being around such an uneducated, bullying worthless sack of douche all day, every day. Then Tony came in and we really started partying. 

Tony's pretty cool. I can't really understand what he says most of the time, but he speaks fluent nationbeast and is a nice guy. We settled down with some Fanta (Tony had a Captain and Coke) and had a couple debates over whether Italy Cat is  gay or not, because we heard from Germany Cat that he played with his balls like they were one of those freaky, dangerous glowing red dots that show up when nationbeasts have pens. You gotta kill them really quick, or they'll jump onto nationbeasts. I remember  England Cat's nationbeast screaming when one got in his eye and he yelled at Americat's one. 

After a while, it started getting dark, and my nationbeast wanted to go. I asked him  who he was and he said  something like Cahaha. I don't know. But I ordered him  to carry me and I took him home. I'm glad to have such an obediant nationbeast that's not like Americat's. He made dinner, a really good elk steak dry rubbed with spices. It was good, and told him so. He smiled and said thank you. He scratched my ears and sweet maple, it was glorious. I wanted him to rub my tummy, but he had to go to the bathroom. I went into his bedroom andcurled up on my floor cushion. 

Canayeah came back, said goodnight, and went into his own bed. I think he's asleep now, so I'll stop writing and crawl under the covers. It's too cold for a furless nationbeast, so I'll try warming him up. 

Sincerely,

Kumajiro