Mocked: A Marcel Fanfic

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Five


My heart is racing too quickly, pounding in my chest, at a beat that threatens to rip through my skin, causing my heart to fly into my hands. If I held my heart my hands I don't know what I would do with it.

I shake the weird thoughts away. What's wrong with me? I have no idea, but I know I have to get out of the room. And quick.

I leave the room, not taking another look at the walls, and shut the door silently behind me. I quickly make my way back to the room and breathe out gratefully when I see Veronica still lying on the bed asleep. Part of me thought she would suddenly walk in on me when I was in the room. I can only imagine how terrible that would have been.

I try to ease myself back onto the bed silently, but it creaks beneath me. Veronica stirs and I slide myself in beside her. She yawns and stretches her arms out, lifting her head to look at me through red-rimmed brown eyes.

"Where'd you go?" She asks, her mouth turning down into a pout.

"I had to pee," I answer. And then I saw your creepy room full of pictures with Xs through them. No, it's not that weird.

"Oh, okay." Veronica shifts on the bed, scooting closer to me. I shiver as her hand lands on my chest. Images of all the guys' faces fill my mind and the need to put distance between Veronica and I screams at me. "You alright?"

"Yeah. Your hand is cold," I lie. "So...um, why'd you start crying?"

Veronica's finger traced circles into my chest softly. "You'll laugh," she mutters.

"Trust me, I've discovered worse." It's out of my mouth before I can stop it. "Please, Veronica? I just want to know why you always stop."

She sighs, her fingers stopping their motion. "It's complicated."

"Then uncomplicate it." I'm being pushy but after today I have no plans on seeing her. That room I just walked into is too scary for me and that side of Veronica freaks me out. Before I leave though, I want all the answers I can get.

"I couldn't make myself have sex with you."

"Oh." Well that wasn't the exact answer I was looking for.

"What did Aiden tell you?" She had asked the question earlier and it had led close to sex, but I doubt that we'll be going down the same road now, especially after what she revealed to me.

"He explained to me that game you two play, Mockery."" I try to see her facial expression but she turns her face away. "And he told me that I'm being Mocked. That I'm just another one of your victims. Is that true? Honestly. I just want honesty from you."

She sighs and sits up, turning to face me, crossing her legs in front of her. I do the same and we stare at each other. This crazy girl with hundreds of guy photos on her walls is looking at me and I wonder if I'm just another guy to add to her collection.

"Honesty," she weighs the word and laughs. "No one ever wants honesty. What they want is a lie that makes them feel good about themselves. Give someone the truth and they deny it, tell them a lie and they'll praise you. You don't want the truth, Harry. You want something close to it."

I shake my head. "No, I want the truth. The entire truth. For one hour, lets just be completely honest and open with one another. One hour."

"Thirty minutes," she negotiates. "One hour is much too long. You don't need my life details."

"Fine, thirty minutes of only truths."

"Deal," she holds her hand out and I shake it. I want to laugh at our little exchange but the room haunts me and the moment passes.

"Is the game real?" I ask.

"Yes. I've been playing it for a couple years with Aiden. Mockery is real." She doesn't seem to regret telling me.

I open my mouth to ask if I'm being Mocked, but can't find the courage to do so yet. Instead I ask, "Why do you do it?"

"Because there's nothing else to do in this shit town. And because I swore to not be played again and instead take the role of the player."

"So you've been Mocked."

"Aiden tried and failed. I became his Exception. Game over for him and he won me as a prize."

"So your relationship isn't real," I add up.

"It started off as real. I don't think we're on the same track still, but neither of us is letting go because-," she breaks off.

"Because?"

"Because...I need him," she whispers, dropping her gaze to the bed. What? She needs him?

"Why do you need him? You're hardly together. What's the point?" Why doesn't she just leave him and ask me to be with her? Jealousy clouds my judgement. I know I've just seen a disturbing part of her, but I can't help but be attracted to her.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Then make me! We agreed thirty minutes of honesty. Stop trying to push me out!" I have half the mind to just storm out, but I need to know. I just need to know if she cares about me or not.

"He's the only constant I have! Okay?! Is that a good enough answer for you? He's the only one person in this fucking world that remains the same every fucking day. At school? He's there. After school? I can go to his party. Surround myself with people. People like me." She brings her hands to her chest, tears starting to brim over her eyes. "People who are just as fucked up as I am."

I take her small hands in my large ones, noticing for once the difference in size. "You aren't fucked up." Why am I saying this? Of course she's fucked up. She has to be, right?

"I am though and you can't repair me. You can't fix or change any aspect of me because I'm this torn up piece of shit. I will never be whole enough for you," she gazes up at me. "I won't ever be good enough for you."

"Veronica, you are perfect the way you are. Flaws and all. I mean it. No one has ever given me the time of day and yet here I am, with you, in a place other than my home and school. I love-"

"Don't say you love me," she whispers rushed, pulling her hand away from me. "Don't you say something you don't mean."

I look down at my empty hands. I don't love her. "I love the person you make me be," I say instead.

Veronica shakes her head. "You don't need to change yourself at all, Harry. You were perfect before me and are perfect even now. But I'm not good for you."

"What does that mean?"

We're interrupted with a loud ping! noise and Veronica grabs her phone off the nightstand. She frowns at the screen before moving back to her previous position. She thumbs back a reply and drops the phone into her lap.

"Who was that?" I ask.

"No one," she snaps. "And it means that we can't keep running around in circles with each other. I've got a boyfriend, Harry," the way she says it makes me wonder if she's trying to convince me of herself.

"So we stop seeing each other?" The thought makes my stomach hurt. I'm too far invested with her.

"No, of course not. We go to the same school, obviously we'll see each other. But this," she gestures between us. "The whole almost sleeping with each other thing. It's got to stop. You don't deserve to lose your virginity to someone who doesn't care."

Doesn't care. Her words just feel like needles against my body.

"I didn't realize you didn't care."

"Your just another part of the game," she whispers, her eyes down. "That's all you ever were."

Anger boils in me and I throw myself off the bed. "Another piece of your fucking game. How disgusting! I bet you just can't wait to go into your fucking bedroom and draw another red X through a picture. Yeah, that's right. I saw the room full of guys with crossed out faces. What did you do? Sleep with them all?"

"How dare you go in there without my permission!" Veronica screams and is on her feet in seconds. She points at me, her hand shaking. "You don't understand a single thing. That room is off limits."

"Oh I bet it is. Wouldn't want all your little Mocked game pieces to find the fucking game board!" I yell.

She steps closer to me, her eyes narrowed at me. "You want the fucking truth about all those pictures? Well here it is, yeah they were all part of Mockery and yeah I fucking played them all as easily as I'm playing you. But I didn't sleep with them. Surprised that I'm not the slut you here about everywhere?!"

"I-"

"NO! You don't get a turn to speak because this is my fucking house and you're making the accusations. You want the truth? You're fucking getting it!"

She grabs me suddenly and throws me towards the bed, pushing me down. I watch as she opens the closet, revealing a lot of girl clothes, but also some guy clothing.

"See all this?! This is my wardrobe, meaning that THIS," she waves her hands. "Is my fucking bedroom. Not the one full of pictures. That room is merely the place I take the Mocked, to watch their fucking faces piece it all together."

"Then why wasn't I showed the room? Why didn't you take me there instead of this place? Why did you hide it from me?"

Veronica turns away from me, her fists at her sides. "Because I wanted you to be different. I didn't want you to know about the whole thing. I wanted to have this clean slate with you."

What? Her words confuse me. How can she go from one mood to another so quickly?

"But you have a boyfriend," I remind her.

Veronica spins on her heel and glares at me. "Right, I have a boyfriend."

"Why do you stay with him?"

"I already answered that question!" Veronica throws her hands up then back down.

I stand up. "No, I want a different answer. Why do you stay with Aiden?"

She stays quiet and I think she won't tell me. She breathes out heavily and her shoulders sag. "Because I hate being alone."

I step towards her, ending the space. I'm taller than her and she looks up to meet my gaze. I don't know what I'm doing or why, but I just know I have to. I can't stay away from her.

I'm in too deep.

I put my hand under her chin and her lips part. "Then don't be," I whisper before shutting my eyes and kissing her.